Gone Are the Days of Summer
by MoutItoniMghtI
Summary: “I still love you too.” He whispered almost inaudibly right before he pressed his lips to hers, and unconsciously pushed her body up against the wall. She had nothing to do, but pull his body into hers...more inside!
1. long overdue

Something in Mitchie's life is missing, is it an ex, or a left-behind-career. Mitchie is married, has a two-year old daughter, and is still searching for herself. When something happens, Mitchie knows it's what's been missing, but what she does about it isn't right.

yes, this story is when they are grown-up....i am continuing my other story, I've just been very busy with school......please review....i don't want to give to much away, but I know this story will turn out well. Plus, some chapters will be song-fics!

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The sunshine was pouring in through the French doors that lead to the balcony. The sun was so bright that you could clearly see all the dust floating in the room like a spotlight was pointed on each little speck. The sunlight also brought warmth with it, not the kind of warmth where it's too hot, but the kind that's just perfect. The room was also silent, it had a calming sense to it, and it was so serene even a hyper child filled with a bottle of Mountain Dew could be calmed.

Mitchie stirred in her bed, and instinctively groped on the other side of her bed, finding it empty, except the small piece of paper her hand found in her search for something else. She opened her eyes, sat up and pulled the paper to the front of her face. The small note read;

_Mitchie, baby, sorry I am not here for you when you wake up._

_I went to work, they needed some one quick and I was the only_

_one available. I'll be home by four._

_Love you,_

_~S~_

Mitchie smiled, he always left her a note when he had to go substitute for a music class; he was so thoughtful that way. She also loved the way he only signed it with an S. She glanced at her bedside clock, finding it was only 8:30. She decided she might be able to get a little bit more sleep, so she turned on her side and closed her eyes.

As she was just about to fall asleep she was stirred up.

"Mommy, mommy!" the cries came from down the hall. She sighed and got out of her bed, pulling on her robe hanging by the door as she swiftly walked out of the room. The cries got louder. Mitchie soon entered the pink room filled with fluffy bunnies, and soft blankets.

"It's okay, mommy's here now." The two year old calmed down a little at her mothers soothing voice, but raised her arms up, hoping she'd be picked up. Mitchie scooped her in her arms, and cooed, "Good morning beautiful, daddy's at work, and today mommy and you will go have some girl fun. But first, let's get you some breakfast."

Twenty minutes later after the highchair was filled with Cheerios, just like the child, and was covered in pink yogurt, again, like the child.

"Oh, look at you Caitlyn, clad in your breakfast." Mitchie giggled as she wiped all the food of her daughter and pulled her out of the highchair.

"Fun, mommy, fun!" Caitlyn said pointing to the door.

"Soon, we will go to Grandma and Grandpas. You can play there." Mitchie told her.

Mitchie was driving her car, Caitlyn in the back. The music was blaring, and Mitchie was singing just as loud. Caitlyn tried to keep up, singing nonsense in her high little girl soprano.

"That was beautiful, Caitlyn." Mitchie said when the song ended.

"Mommy sing pretty." Caitlyn complimented.

"You're one smart two year old, already forming sentences." She turned to look at her daughter, smiling at her. "And, look, here we are." She pointed to her parent's house. Caitlyn clapped.

"Hey, sweetie," Mrs. Torres smiled, as she answered the door, and then turned to Caitlyn, "there's my beautiful granddaughter."

"Gramma!" Caitlyn cried going straight to her grandmothers arms.

"Hey, mom," Mitchie smiled.

"So home alone today, huh?" Connie asked.

"Yep, just decided to have some fun."

"Okay, come in, why don't you sit and play the piano, and sing, while your father and I finish breakfast?" She asked.

Mitchie just shrugged and nodded. "Why not?" Mitchie trudged over to the piano, sat down and began to play and sing. She leaned over to get a better look at her mother, who grinned, baring all teeth. Mitchie weakly smiled back, and continued to sing. She finished the song. Her family clapped, especially Caitlyn.

"Very beautiful, darling," her father praised.

"Um, you guys do know you don't have to clap every time I do something." Mitchie responded to the overbearing admiration.

"We were just proud, honey, no need to get upset." Her mother said, frowning. Mitchie didn't realize her tone of voice when she spoke.

"Well, mom it's not important every time I sing, I do it all the time." Mitchie cringed when she realized how she spoke.

"Well, what if I want to clap, you deserve it." Connie was now mad. Mitchie glanced at Caitlyn who had become quiet, and was now staring from her mom, to her grandmother and back again. Mitchie could tell the fighting upset her, she looked down at the piano, and inhaled hard and swift, then exhaled a little slower.

"Mom, I'm sorry. I shouldn't talk to you that way. And we shouldn't fight, it upsets Caitlyn." She finally said, hoping her sincerest apology would calm her mother, and herself.

"I'm sorry too, but I don't see why you always become upset when we try to be encouraging." Connie replied.

"I don't know, just because I don't feel I need all of it, it's not like I just rocked a huge venue."

"Which is what you should be doing, why did you give it up?" her mother sounded disappointed and a little bit of anger was hovering under her tone.

"I didn't _give it up_, I just…I just felt other things were more important." Mitchie responded, not sure if it was the answer she, herself wanted to hear.

"What happened to that fifteen year old girl, who wouldn't give up until she got to go to Camp Rock, or that girl who lied to try to get somewhere, or that girl who only had music in her life to focus on?" Connie quipped.

"I don't know, I – I d – I don't –" Mitchie stuttered, tears swelling in eyes, but she willed herself not to cry, she _wasn't _fifteen anymore, that was ten years ago, now she was twenty five, on the verge of twenty six, and she wanted to cry because she didn't know who she was anymore, maybe she didn't. Maybe she thought she had everything she ever wanted. But if she stepped outside of herself, and viewed her life, she would realize she didn't really have everything, she just felt she did, she just persuaded herself she did.

"Hey Caitlyn, why don't you and grandpa go outside and swing on the swings, would you like that?" Mitchie's dad sensed the tension, and didn't want to upset his granddaughter any further.

"Yeah," Caitlyn perked up, running to her grandfather, giving her mother one last look of interest, and maybe disappointment, before she jumped into her grandfather's arms. Mitchie tried to smile to reassure Caitlyn everything was alright, but that broke the shield between her will to look happy, and the force of the tears. A few hot tears slid down her cheeks. She looked back up.

"Mom?" she forced out of her throat, which was tightened from trying to hold in long over due tears, long over due realizations.

"What, Mitchie?" her moms voice made her cry more.

"Do you think I'm doing what I wanted? Or, do you think I made the wrong choices?"

"I don't know honey, are you happy?" That set Mitchie thinking. But the shill ring of her cell phone went off, making her jump a little.

"Hello, Sam." Her voice came out fake, like she was lying about hating a present that she got, pretending it was one of the best things she ever got, "how's work today?"

"Mitchie, baby, are you okay?" he asked, worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine, its' nothing, um so why are you calling?"

"I just had a few minutes and I still feel bad about leaving you this morning." His voice came through the receiver distraught.

"Don't worry, I'm at my parent's, look I got to go, see you tonight for dinner." Mitchie said.

"Okay, love you." Worry and fear were bubbling under his voice, but he knew not to push any further.

"Uh-huh, love you, too." Mitchie hurriedly hung the phone up and looked up at her mom, "I don't know. I feel happy, but I've never really thought about it before." She answered Connie's earlier question.

"Truthfully, I think that last time I saw you really, truly happy, was when you were still with _him_." Mitchie knew real well who '_him_' was.

"Mom, that was almost six years ago. I think I'm over him, I mean, I'm married, and Caitlyn's my world. He's just the past. And that was also the last time you saw me really truly upset, too. So I'm over him, I'm over it."

"Honey, I hope you really do feel that way." Connie said.

"I do, I think I do, I'm pretty sure I do."

"Pretty sure isn't exactly the right answer."

"Well sometimes that's all I got, not always being a hundred percent sure is part of taking chances to see what happens." Mitchie was mostly trying to convince herself, not her mom.

"Alright," her mom said leaving, and that's how Mitchie knew she had thinking to do.

After a day of fun-filled mother-daughter bonding, Mitchie pulled into her garage, letting one last tear fall from her eye. She wiped her face and looked back at Caitlyn who had fallen fast asleep as soon as they started home. Mitchie looked at the car clock, it was only six, and she knew she would have to wake Caitlyn up, or she would never sleep the whole night.

"Caitlyn, sweetie, we're home. Wake up." She cooed to the sleeping toddler. She got out of the car and opened the back door, carefully unhooking Caitlyn's seat straps. As she pulled her daughter into her arms the child awoke, a smile still on her face.

"Daddy," she cried pointing to the door leading into the house.

Mitchie smiled, "yeah, daddy's in there."

As soon as Mitchie opened the door a scent wafted to her.

"Sam," she called into the house.

"Yes, baby?" his response floated to them from the kitchen. Mitchie strolled over to the kitchen, taking in the scene around her. Sam was cooking a full meal; she could smell chicken, mashed potatoes and green beans. She laughed at the sight before her, he turned and looked at her, and she could tell he noticed her tear stained cheeks. She looked down, pretending to be interested in the hair that had come loose from Caitlyn's pigtails.

"Sam, what are you doing?" she giggled noticing the messes on the counters, on Sam; his chin had potato on it, and his shirt was drenched in water. She placed Caitlyn in her highchair and walked closer to Sam.

"I'm cooking dinner, and um," he scanned the whole room, "and making a huge mess."

"Obviously, but why are you doing this?"

"Because you seemed upset today when I was talking to you on the phone, and I thought it would be nice to relieve you of some stress." He walked closer to her, looking deeper into her eyes. She stepped back, and he followed, "are you okay?" he asked, tracing the tear stains on her cheek. She pulled away swiftly, and maneuvered around him, to the stove, where the water in the green beans was about to boil over. She picked up the spoon and stirred the water, and turned the knob above the stove, which clicked as it switched to off. She took it over to the sink, feeling Sam's eyes on her the whole time; she started to drain the water from the pot.

Sam walked over and put his arms around her, Mitchie squirmed out of his grasp.

"Not, now." She murmured. He just looked at her, and they silently finished preparing the dinner.

They sat down to the table and began to eat.

"So, um, how was work today?" Mitchie asked, knowing she had to stop the silence somehow.

"It was good, you know the usual; crazy kids, out-of-tune and off key singing. Plus some immature fifth grade boys." Sam answered keeping his head down, "how about your day?"

"We went to my parents, then to the park, and then did a little bit of shopping. We had fun, didn't we Caitlyn?"

"Fun, fun! Dow slide, mommy push me swings!" Caitlyn almost yelled, she paused and then remembered more accounts of her day, "Grandpa push me swings, gramma maked cookies. Mommy buy some clothes!"

"Sounds like fun, too bad I missed it." He smiled at Caitlyn, who beat her hands on the tray of her highchair. Mitchie and Sam both laughed, and then looked briefly at each other and awkwardly returned to eating.

Two hours later, Mitchie successfully put Caitlyn down for the night and returned to her bedroom, and exhaustedly plopped onto her bed, letting out a sigh. She stared at the ceiling; all the thoughts that repetitively circulated her head all day fluttered back to her attention.

_Did I make the right choices? _Did _I give it up? Does my happiness have anything to do with _him_? Am I really doing what I wanted? _Then they started again; _did I make the right choices? _Did _I give _– but she was pulled from her thoughts when Sam appeared over top of her, his elbows and forearms resting on the pillow under Mitchie's head, her legs between his.

"Okay, so what was wrong?" he asked.

"Just get off, please." Mitchie ordered, she didn't want to laugh, but she did, then she glared at him, just laughing more, "look, I'm sorry for um, treating you that way, but will you please get off of me?" he just nodded, rolled over to the other side of the bed, turning on his side to look at her better, a curly dirty-blonde lock falling into his eyes.

"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he casually asked.

"Oh, it's really nothing, more personal things." She came up with an impromptu excuse.

"Oh, if tears are nothing how will I know when something is up?" Mitchie turned to him, he always had the best comebacks, and she knew she had to tell him.

"Do you think I made the wrong choices, do _you_ think I gave up my dream?" she asked, concerned maybe he thought so.

"That depends, what was your dream?" he inquired, never breaking his stare into her eyes. Mitchie wanted to look away, she felt exposed under his gaze, but his gaze held her there.

"Um, like, I don't know; I guess it was to be somebody."

"But you are somebody, my somebody." He replied, stroking her hair.

"Yeah, but I mean I always wanted to make it somewhere, with singing and what-not" she said, "like I wanted to be famous, tour the country, tour the world. I wanted a shot at fame, and I think I gave it up." He looked at her for a couple seconds.

"I think you made the choices that you thought would benefit you the most." He took her hand.

"I know, I mean, I married you, I have Caitlyn, it's everything I wanted, but I always felt something was missing, and my mom brought it up today and now I know." She looked at their intertwined hands, "but I don't want to feel empty anymore." She couldn't help it but a tear slid down her cheek.

"I think you might need a night to think about this, but in my opinion, as long as you're truly happy, then you made the right choice.

Mitchie turned over, her hand still in Sam's and he put his arms around her, pulling her close. She let a few more tears slide down her face, before finally falling into a restless sleep.

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I hope you like it so far....more, better stuff will happen in the next few chapters...please review and check out some of my other stories!!!!


	2. suprises indeed, for birthday girl

Hey, sorry, but i had computer problems, and i have been busy with school and what-not. well here it is, i hope you like it! please comment and alert and all that jazz....i hope to finish the next chapter much quicker!

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"Hey, Caitlyn!" Mitchie eagerly answered her ringing cell phone.

"Happy birthday to you," Caitlyn immediately began singing, Mitchie laughed, "So how's twenty-six treating you?"

"Well, it's only been a day, but I feel the same as twenty-five…and twenty-four." Mitchie giggled in response.

"So, did Sam plan anything _fun_ for tonight?" Mitchie knew exactly what Caitlyn meant, and made a face, even though she knew well Caitlyn couldn't see, but she laughed anyway.

"Not that I know of, and it's not like he doesn't try to pull some kind of stunt every night." She said, and Caitlyn laughed.

"Men, what are you going to do?" Mitchie heard a beep in her ear, and looked at her phone.

"Hey, it's been great talking, but I've got another call. I'll call you tomorrow about today, and you know, tonight. But if I forgot, call me." She didn't want to stop talking but she knew birthday calls would be flowing in all day.

"Alright, happy birthday, again. Talk to you tomorrow!" and with that Mitchie answered the next phone call.

Upon answering she got a loud shriek in response. "Oh my god Bethany must you scream so loud, I think I actually lost the hearing in my right ear!"

"You'll never guess what I got you for your birthday." Bethany cried into the phone.

"Really, I don't want anything."

"Well, too late, I got us tickets to an amazing concert," Mitchie was about to ask which concert, but she got cut-off, "and might I add, they are front row, up close and personal seats!"

"What concert?"

"That, you cannot know until we get there! I'm going to blind fold you so you can't see." Bethany always acted like she was still a teenager.

"No hints?" Mitchie pleaded.

"Well, I suppose just one. They aren't exactly a recent band, kind of old school."

"That narrows it down." Mitchie sighed.

"I'm picking you up at seven, be ready. Oh, Sam already knows. Toodles!" and Mitchie was hung up on.

She then laid down on her bed and looked up at the ceiling, one more year gone, one more year she wasn't the person she thought she would be. "Why am I thinking about this again?" she said aloud.

"Thinking about what?" Sam was standing in the doorway, holding a tray with pancakes orange juice, which Mitchie was positive was a mimosa, and complete with a skinny blue vase with a single pink flower. "But this isn't it, I've got twenty-six kisses for you." He walked and sat on the bed, "which would you like first, baby?"

"Um, I'll take the food first, thanks." She said and grabbed the tray, sat up and began eating. Sam jumped off the bed and snatched up his guitar, returning to the foot of the bed. He started playing happy birthday. "thanks." She said setting her feet in his lap. He started strumming again, and Mitchie's eyes welled up a little. It was the song he surprised her with at their wedding, and sang to her every year, and she always cried.

_She smiled at me and I felt the sun_

_It cleared away the rain 'til there was none._

_I knew I had to get to her_

_I knew I had to make her mine_

_I knew this happened once in a lifetime_

_So I dared myself to talk_

_And now, as we speak_

_She's my heart and soul_

_I won't let her go_

_She's my body and mind_

_It's in her I find_

_A friend_

_I find a lover_

_A protective safety cover_

_I took a chance,_

_A risk I thought I'd never take_

_Our bond can never break_

Mitchie ran to the keyboard and sang the next verse, changing the 'she's' to 'he's.'

_He holds my hand and the world fades away_

_When he is not near all the world is grey._

_With his every kiss my heart sings _

_All the hurt inside will just leave_

_When in this fiery love I believe _

_And I will believe always_

_Even when I feel weak_

Sam sang the chorus and Mitchie harmonized with 'oohs' and 'ahs.'

_She's my heart and soul_

_I won't let her go_

_She's my body and mind_

_It's in her I find_

_A friend_

_I find a lover_

_A protective safety cover_

_I took a chance,_

_A risk I thought I'd never take_

_Our bond can never break_

They sang the next part together.

_This love is real_

_It's all I feel_

_I won't ever say goodbye_

_I'll just fly high_

_We soar together _

_As we will forever_

_And I never will let go, 'cuz_

_She's my heart and soul_

_I won't let her go_

_She's my body and mind_

_It's in her I find_

_A friend_

_I find a lover_

_A protective safety cover_

_I took a chance,_

_A risk I thought I'd never take_

_A friend_

_I find a lover_

_A protective safety cover_

_I took a chance,_

_Our bond can never break._

Mitchie had tears streaming down her face, but it wasn't just from the emotional fluff of the song, but she shared such similar words with someone before, and it hurt to think those things were said and never held true. But Sam doesn't know that, and she'll let him believe that she's just overcome with happiness. He set down his guitar and pulled her to the bed; he moved the tray and sat her down, her feet hanging over the edge limply, looking into her eyes. He did this so romantically but her heart still yearned for the past, even though she knew he cared so much for her. He stood before her, her hands in his.

"One," he whispered after he kissed her cheek. He kissed her other cheek, "two." Then he kissed her hand twice, but only counted in his head, three and four. Her arm, five, six, seven, eight. Her cheek again, nine, his kisses got longer and more passionate, her other cheek, ten, both of her cheeks once more, eleven, twelve. Then he guided his lips to her forehead, thirteen, and fourteen. Then back down her smooth face to her ear, fifteen. She just sat there, tears basically gone, she enjoyed his serenading kisses, but still couldn't get over what her mom said, was she right? By now sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and nineteen went from her forehead down to the tip of her nose. Then twenty and twenty-one on her lips, Mitchie kissed back. He pushed her back slightly while twenty-one continued. Then she was laying and he was on top of her, he had kept hold of her hands, placing them above her head, he continued down her jaw line after a quick breath, twenty-two. He unbuttoned the top of her shirt and pulled the two sides apart. He went down her neck, twenty-three, and twenty-four. He was down to her collar bone, twenty-five, his lips staying on her skin as he inched closer, Mitchie's hands flew to his lower back, pulling him closer, if she focused enough on him she could stop thinking about what she had been thinking for quite some time now. As he got as far down as he could with out unbuttoning anymore, he placed his lips tenderly on her skin, which was on the verge of sweat, twenty-six. She pushed him away as he went for another kiss.

"I do believe that was twenty-six." Mitchie said with difficulty, she didn't realize how out of breath she was.

"Please," Sam moaned. But she just pushed him off, sat up, and started buttoning her shirt, she looked at his face.

"Oh, fine," she put her shirt back the way he had wantonly started to strip it. He went to put them back to where they were, "oh, no," she said just standing up and wrapping her arms around him, pressing her lips on his, she felt him grin. He wrapped his arms around her pulling her even closer. He put his hands on her waist, and slid them up her sides, she shivered as it tickled, and he proceeded to reach the buttons of her shirt. She pulled out, and looked at the doorway.

"At your parents," he muttered reaching his face towards hers, but he stopped and looked at her, she was crying. "Mitchie, did I do something, we don't have to do this, do you want to, and you're scaring me baby."

"No, it's fine, I don't know, I guess I'm still upset from the other day." So she kissed, him, but he knew she wasn't in the mood anymore.

"No," he replied, "it's fine." Mitchie endeavored to button her shirt, but her hands trembled so much. She willed them to stop, but didn't have the power to. She wiped her tears, just letting her shirt the way it was. "But, you're okay?"

"Mm-huh, sure, fine," he just glanced at her.

"No, no you're not. Mitchie, you've been like this since you came back from your parents, what exactly happened there?" but she just fell to her knees and put her face in her hands.

"I gave it all up, I did!" she wept. He sulked over, and picker her up and sat on the bed with Mitchie cradled in his lap, grasping her hand and playing with her fingers as she cried her story into his chest, but never once mentioning Shane, or any members of Connect 3. He stroked her hair, and listened to her mumbled sometimes inaudible words. She soon tired herself out and fell into a deep sleep.

She soon woke to someone whispering in her ear. She looked around; she was no longer in the soothing embrace of Sam's arms, but he was the one trying to wake her up. She smiled.

"I've got lunch for you, downstairs." He said pushing her messy hair out of her face. She jerked up.

"Is it a mess again?" she demanded.

"No, I just micro waved leftovers. It's all good." He walked to the doorway waiting for Mitchie to follow. She slowly crawled out of bed.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier, I don't know what came over me." He just beamed at her.

"It's all right, I completely understand." He pulled a chair out for her and she sat down.

"No, you probably don't, because I don't even understand." Mitchie continued.

"Well, it's fine, I promise." He said spooning out food for her. She looked at him, he looked earnest. Mitchie wondered how he couldn't be mad or confused. He executed a confused face. She smiled and looked away, eating her food.

Hours later the door was knocked on so hard it could have fallen loose from its hinges.

"Bethany, don't break my door, I'm coming!" Mitchie called from the kitchen, but Sam had already opened the door and Bethany had scurried into the house to find Mitchie.

"Well, are you ready? Let's go!" She pulled on Mitchie's arm. Mitchie laughed.

"One sec." Mitchie ran to Caitlyn who was now perched in her highchair. "Good-bye, sweetie mommy loves you." She smiled and got a slobbery kiss. "See you later," she pecked Sam's lips. As she turned to leave, Sam pulled her back, pulling her into a larger kiss.

"No, I don't think so," Bethany shrieked pulling Mitchie from her lover's lip-locked embrace.

"Sorry," Mitchie giggled as she was dragged out the door.

As Mitchie hooked her seatbelt Bethany handed her a blindfold.

"For you," she said. Mitchie stared at the now frightening object in her hand and slowly turned to Bethany.

"You were serious about the whole blindfold thing?"

"Of course I was serious! Now put it on!" Bethany forced the car to spring forward at such a fast rate Mitchie was jerked.

"Whoa, slow down! Wait, when do I get to take it off?" she gulped, you never knew with Bethany.

"When I say so," Was the only response. Mitchie slowly and nervously tied the blindfold, becoming unaware of her surroundings.

After a few laughs, comments and humiliation Mitchie and Bethany were in their seats, and Bethany granted Mitchie permission to remove the blindfold. Mitchie blinked her eyes a few times and gazed. She was definitely at a concert, but which one, she couldn't tell.

Soon the lights dimmed and soft music began to play. Everyone around her screamed and cheered. One-by-one three figures took the stage, but they were hidden by darkness. Slowly a spotlight put them at view of everyone, and the cheering burst through the place. But Mitchie couldn't even utter a gasp. Now that the figure who had taken the center stage was visible Mitchie's heart pounded like a hummer on her ribs, her breath stopped and then was quickened with such intensity she was almost gasping from the lack she was taking in. As they began to play music Mitchie pulled herself from the prison of her seat and stood up, ready to leave, a tear descending down her cheek.

"Mitchie, what's wrong, where are you going?" Bethany called. Mitchie turned, thunderstruck.

"I can't-It's just-I gotta," she looked again at the middle figure, saw his now pale face staring directly at her and fled from his burning gaze when she saw his adjacent figures follow his eyes, and stare directly at her, worry covering their faces with a thick veil. All the while they continued performing. He stared her down and she stole one last glance, every emotion swelled in her body as that face brought back all the memories she had shielded out for so long. And she ran, but she couldn't escape the emotional flames that had already engulfed her.

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don't forget to comment...i'm sure you all could guess what was going to happen, oh well i hope you still enjoyed it.


	3. the same and more

Thanks to all who have read, and subscribed and favorited, you keep me going!!!!! yay, i hope you like this one, and i wil try to update Finding A New Light, soon, im just not exactly sure what I want to do next with that one. But anyway, enough blabbing from me. I love you all for even taking your time to read this story, and if you have som fanfiction friends, or family and friends who fanfiction, please tell them about my story, it would be much appreciated! Ok, NOW, the blabbing is done...enjoy!!!!!!!

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For three hours Mitchie sat in the back of Bethany's car, she let every emotion take over her body. First it was a shock that kept her whole body frozen and distant. Then tears overcame her and she sobbed into her knees as she held herself. Next came anger, at first mad at him, then at herself, the way she just let things with him end. In a small span of time Mitchie went from surprised and trying to convince herself she was dreaming to angrily punching the car seat as violently as she could while sobs occasionally swelled over her body.

She kept seeing his face, the way he stared at her as she ran from her seat. His eyes growing larger, his still body, and his band mates who flinched when they saw how much heart tearing pain just seeing her brought him, which was the way they left each other, stranded deer in the blinding lights of car, only expecting the worse.

After Mitchie cried herself out and beat all the energy from her body, she sat sprawled in the back of the car, staring out ahead, watching the people leaving the concert center. Everything played in her eyes and sang by her ears, but she took nothing in, unconscious of her surroundings.

"Mitchie," she was pulled from her delirious emotional high and looked blankly at the door opened in front of her, "hey, you want to tell me what's up?" it was Bethany. Bethany sat on the very edge of the seat by Mitchie's feet and waited.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry. Listen, this is so hard for me to talk about." She paused and leaned around Bethany and closed the door, "about six years ago is when my relationship with Shane ended."

"Wait, what? Shane Grey? You dated Shane Grey!?"

"Yeah, and honestly it was the happiest time of my life. But things just ended, and it was a mess and then seeing him tonight, I felt all that pain again." Mitchie expected Bethany to look the way she did, completely astound.

"And that's my fault, I'm sorry; I didn't know!" Bethany just shook her head profusely.

"And there's no way you could've known, no one knows except my friends at the time and my family."

"Wait, how did you meet him?"

"That's another story for another time." Mitchie said, and she saw someone outside the car. Bethany noticed.

"Well, he kinda found me after the concert and wanted me to bring him to see you. Is that ok?" Bethany asked, guilty.

"What! I have nothing to say to him." Bethany opened the door and looked at him.

"Wow, um, I still can't believe you're right here next to me. But, I don't think she wants to talk to you." Bethany told him. He nodded his head and turned.

"Shane!" the name escaped Mitchie's lips before she could stop it. She climbed over Bethany when he turned around; he looked at her, a smile playing on the edge of his lips. As she got out of the car she walked to a more private area and he followed.

"Look," she started, "I didn't know I was coming here tonight, I was literally blindfolded. I never even meant to see you again, let alone be talking to you. I can't – I don't know what to say." She spit out as fast as she could.

"I'm sorry." He whispered. Tears fell from her eyes, they glistened on her cheek.

"What?"

"I never got a chance to tell you I was sorry, that I am sorry." He looked at her, "oh, please don't cry I won't be able to leave if I know I'm leaving you this way."

"I've been this way for _six years_, Shane, it doesn't matter now. And –" after attempting to not cry she spoke the words that she dreamt she got a chance to tell him, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry things ended the way they did." He pulled her into a hug, she tensed, but when she felt his warm arms, and the way she just molded into his body, she melted into the embrace, tears falling the whole time.

"Hey, come back with me to the tour bus, we can catch up and stuff." He said pulling back and looking at her, "wow, you look great."

"Shane, I'm a mess, I basically abused her car while you were performing," they both laughed, "but, thanks. And, um, I guess we could do that, well we can try. Honestly, right now I'm more happy then angry or sad."

"Ok, well I will stay right here until you talk to your friend over there." She nodded and strode to Bethany. She told her what was going on and that she would call Sam herself.

As Mitchie walked up the steps of the tour bus, she had no idea what to think. As Shane held the door open for her she slowly and cautiously stepped inside.

"Mitchie?" came the fluttered whisper from Nate's lips.

"Hey, guys." She forced an awkward smile, looking back at Shane. At that moment she became so overwhelmed with emotion she let herself fall to the ground, collapsing into sobs. She sat and for a moment, nobody did anything, not Shane, not Nate or Jason, and the rest of the band sat, completely confused. Shane just sat on the ground next to her, pulling her into his arms, not knowing what to do.

"We're gonna go chill in the other bus." The drummer said, as the band just tip-toed out.

Nate and Jason whispered quietly, until Mitchie straightened up.

"I feel like I should just go. I'm sorry, I thought I could do this, but I can't, I can't be here talking to you after I cried myself to sleep every night for a year. I can't after I tried so hard to push you from my mind, and then you just showed up. I can't because I think I still love you, but Shane, oh, Shane." She looked at him then to the ground, sobbed for a moment and cried, "I'm married." Shane pulled back, and looked at the ring, the one that told him she was legally bound to a man that wasn't him. He stood up and she went to sit on the couch right behind her.

"Excuse me, for a minute." He walked into a place Mitchie assumed to be where they slept. She heard something hit the ground, and what sounded like a fist striking a wall. She shuddered.

"I shouldn't have said that, should I?" she looked to Nate and Jason.

"Well, at least you told him." Jason said.

"Did you notice the purity ring still on his finger?" Nate chimed in.

"What, he's still a virgin? Why?" Mitchie whispered so she knew Shane couldn't hear.

"Well, the ring, number one, and number two, no one as special as you showed up." Nate responded in just as low of a whisper.

"I don't want him to know yet, but I have a little girl too."

"What's her name?" Mitchie turned, it was Shane.

"Her name is Caitlyn." Mitchie vigilantly responded.

"Do you still talk to Caitlyn, I mean, like actual Caitlyn?" Shane said, taking a seat next to Mitchie.

"Yes, I actually just talked to her this morning." Mitchie looked around, "why aren't you mad at me?"

"Because I guess you found your true love." He looked away.

"Then why do I still love you!?" she almost shouted. "Didn't you hear me when I said that earlier, Shane I still love you, I thought that was all behind me. But, seeing you again, hearing your voice, everything! _I'm_ mad at me!"

"But you have a family now."

"And I love them so much. And Sam, he loves me unconditionally and here I am still loving you. He treats me great, but it's not the same, it never will be." She wanted to smack him, "why do you make me love you so much!?" he turned to her.

"Excuse me, so it's my fault?!"

"I never said it was your fault!" she stood up so she could be more equal with him in height.

"You said I make you love me. Hey, you're the one that's married and in love with me!" he stepped closer looking down at her. They both started talking as loud as they could.

"Hey!" shouted Nate, "shut up!" they looked at him. "I knew this wasn't a good idea. Shane, go back there," he pointed to the back of the bus, "Jason go with him, I will talk with Mitchie." Shane sauntered to the back. Jason followed shrugging his shoulders at Nate, who just waved him back.

"Ok," Mitchie turned to Nate as he spoke, "I don't even know what to say, I told him not to go after you, but he didn't listen. Now, you're acting like children."

"I'm sorry, he asked me to come back here with him, so I thought that maybe, just maybe it would be ok. I didn't realize that I stilled love him." She tried to be calm; she tried to not be mad.

"Do you honestly still love him?" Nate demanded. She just looked up at him and nodded.

"I think so. You know what mom told me a few weeks ago? She pretty much said that I gave everything up. Do you think I did?" he knew exactly what she was talking about. He remembered Mitchie was so close to everything she wanted and after the split he never really heard about her again.

"Frankly, yes," he walked to her and sat down next to her. She stared down; he tilted her head back up, keeping his hand under her chin. "Mitchie, you could be bigger than us right now, but you just stopped. Why?"

"I don't even know. He was the one who kept me going. I guess I figured I couldn't do it without him. And, we were bound to run into each other if we were in the same business. I didn't want to risk exactly what is happening right now." She wept into Nate's comforting embrace. "Why do I still love him?"

"Um, well, I guess because –" Nate tried to answer, but he couldn't find the right thing to say.

"Sorry, dumb question." She laughed.

"No, it's not dumb, just unanswerable." He smiled at her laugh. "We all missed you just as much as him. You always lit up a room Mitchie." She grinned up at him, "we always treated you like family."

"Yeah, you guys were the brothers I never had. And you especially always gave me advice."

"No problem. Hey, why were you here anyway?" he asked.

"Well, I was blindfolded and dragged here by my friend. And, I never told her about him until tonight, so it wasn't her fault."

"When I saw you were what Shane was staring at, I thought the show was over for good." He told her.

"Hey," Mitchie looked up and pulled away from Nate's arms to look.

"Hi, Shane," She took this time to finally study him. First she looked at his face; it still had the same pristine, beautiful features she always loved. She stared at his eyes, the way you could actually see into his soul; when he was happy they glistened with joy, when he was sad they were dull and drawn back from the world, and when he was angry they were pits of fire, rage pushing through them. Then she looked at his dark hair, the way the layers perfectly fell and enhanced his already perfect features. She looked at his clothes, his tight white shirt hidden under his sleek black leather jacket, and his jeans that hugged his legs. He was so much the same as before, but so different, his posture was more mature, his face more serene and calm. He was as great as she remembered and more.

"Through all the fighting I never got a chance to tell you happy twenty-sixth birthday." She looked at him, her eyes large.

"You remembered?" she barely forced the words through her throat. A tear slid down her recently dry cheeks.

"Yeah, why are you crying?"

"It's just I can't believe you wouldn't try to forget." She smiled, wiping the tears from her face.

"Ha, well as hard as I tried, I couldn't. You know, when I first saw you tonight, I thought it was just my imagination or some delusion since, well today's your birthday. But, you're actually here." He plopped down on the other side of her, and she turned to look at him.

"And so are you," they shared a smile, "so, how's life, for all of you?"

"It's good, we've been on tour for a few months now, and we have two more stops." He replied. She giggled.

"That's not all I meant."

"Well, I'm engaged." Jason piped up. She gawked at him.

"Jason, that's great! What's her name?" she leaned closer to him.

"Danielle," he beamed.

"What about you Nate?" she leaned back, and bumped into Shane, she looked at him, and he just grinned and put his arm around her pulling her back. She glanced at him again and she playfully rolled her eyes and looked back at Nate.

"I just broke up with my girlfriend, so I've been pretty focused on music." He said.

"Oh, sorry to hear that. Shane?"

"I've had some girlfriends, but right now I'm single. How old is your daughter?" he switched the conversation.

"She's two." He just nodded. She couldn't tell if he was just simply curious or if he was jealous or trying to keep up a conversation.

"So, what do you do, like for a job?" he asked.

"Well I basically stay at home now. But, I sing places like at like weddings and stuff, it's not much right now, but we've got what we need." She was slightly embarrassed to share this with them.

"And Caitlyn, she's your only child?" Nate inquired, she nodded.

"And this Sam, he's a good guy?" Shane questioned.

"Yeah, he is. Why, are you jealous?" she taunted, a hurt look passed over his face, she quickly lost her smile.

"Who wouldn't be? Mitchie you're perfect." He truthfully answered then he played off his hurt, and put on his happy façade. He poked her side.

"Hey!" she squealed. "You know I hate that!"

"I do," he smiled and poked her again, she glared at him, and he took a chance and poked her side once more, she slapped his hand. Nate and Jason chuckled.

"Ow!" he cried.

"I told you not to mess with me." She giggled. With a shrug of his shoulders and a toss of his head, he began to tickle her.

"Shane!" she laughed so hard, he, of course knew her every weakness. "Shane, stop it, you're being so childish!" He tickled her even more and she quickly lost her breath.

"Hey, while you two continue to act immature, we're gonna go to the other bus with the band." Nate awkwardly glided out the door, and Jason followed.

"You can stop now." Mitchie got enough breath to force that out. He just smiled that cute little smirk of his and continued to tickle her. She fell onto her back, and Shane fell right above her. They looked at each other, he stopped tickling her, and her laughing was replaced with panting. It was one of those moments that happen in movies; their faces barely even inches apart, their eyes searching the other's face, in search of an answer, and that dreaded quickening of the heart. He leaned down almost to kiss her, and pulled back, sitting up straight.

"Excuse me for a sec." she said as she got up and went to walk to where Shane had pointed to the bathroom, when he knew she needed sometime after what just passed between them. As she stumbled to walk, he grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms.

"I still love you too." He whispered almost inaudibly right before he pressed his lips to hers, and unconsciously pushed her body up against the wall. She had nothing to do, but pull his body into hers, because he had already made her common sense stop working when he looked at her they way he did when he said he still loved her too.

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whoa, crazy crazy mitchie, haha! please review, and all that jazz(now, i'm singing)....I hope you like the story so far, some songfic chapters will be coming soon, i can't wait! REVIEW, PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE! I love hearing what you have to say, good or bad, I want to know how the story is in ur mind!


	4. fogging up the glass

Here's chapter four!!!! If you're reading Finding A New Light, I will update it soon! School just ended so I'm much more free to work on my stories!! YAY!!! ok, anyway, please read, review, and all those fun things you can do!!! haha, ok, im done talking now....enjoy!!!

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Mitchie sat staring out the window as the Connect 3 tour bus took her home. When she turned and glanced at Shane all she felt was his soft, warm lips against hers, and the way she felt between him and the wall with his body pressing to hers. Her breath caught in her throat and she looked away. By then Nate and Jason had rejoined them. Mitchie was introduced to the band, and the tour bus driver, the bassist. They had also exchanged numbers.

The kiss played in Mitchie's head. He had said he loved her and then forced her body into the wall with a slight thud. His lips felt so great on hers. She had then wrapped her arms around him and without thinking pulled him into her, her hands on his lower back drawing him to her from that area. As soon as they both realized what they were doing Shane pulled away and whispered an apology. She had told him there was nothing to apologize about, and that was that.

"Oh, um turn right here." Mitchie called to the front of the bus as they reached her street. She pointed her house out to them and the bus was slowly pulled into the driveway, the other bus was already on its way to the next venue.

"That's a nice house you have." Nate said. Mitchie just nodded her thanks, she was still speechless.

"I'll walk you to the door." Shane suggested; Mitchie nodded halfway as though she wasn't completely sure, and she wasn't. As they both stood up, Shane walked to the door and opened it. Mitchie slowly gave Nate and Jason both a hug.

"Bye guys, it was great seeing you." She smiled.

"Bye Mitchie, don't forget we will see you in four days." Nate replied; they were coming to have dinner once their tour was done.

"See you Mitchie." Jason said. Mitchie slowly walked out of the bus. Shane almost slammed the door behind them.

"It was great seeing you." He said. She looked up at him, her eyes scanning his whole body, then she, almost angrily, looked at his face.

"Oh, you did more than see me Shane." She huffed as she swiftly walked towards her front porch.

"Are you mad at me?" he caught up with her and took her arm. She shrugged it away. "Ok, you're pissed?" She turned to him.

"Shane," she stepped closer to him, "I'm not mad at all, that kiss was great. I'm confused. I'm worried. I'm scared."

"And I'm sorry."

"I already told you, don't be sorry. But we can't be doing these things." She said that last sentence as he was about to comfortingly put an arm around her. He pulled back and just walked next to her as they strode up the porch steps and to the door.

"So I guess I will see you soon, then?" he asked as she put her hand to the doorknob. Her hand was sweaty and almost slipped of the doorknob, she looked down at the ground, she remembered the first night Shane had walked her onto her porch when they were younger, and she was just as sweaty, if not more.

"I guess so." She responded, "Bye, Shane." He looked at her and pushed some hair out of her face, planting a kiss on her forehead.

"Bye Mitch," he whispered. She just turned back to the door.

"Shane," she moaned and opened the door.

"Hey Mitchie, welcome home." Sam said from right near the door, Mitchie jumped. "So this is Shane Grey, from Connect 3, in person."

"Yea," she responded stepping inside, "Shane, this is Sam." Sam stuck his hand out for Shane, who shook it.

"Nice to meet you. Well, I've got to get going; we have to make it to our next stop." Shane said looking to Mitchie. She looked back.

"Ok, bye Shane." She said and nodded to the driveway. He just nodded and walked away, putting his hands in his pockets trying to act casual but Mitchie knew he was thinking the same things as her. Sam closed the door and followed Mitchie as she plopped down on the couch, letting out a sigh.

"So, how do you know him again?" Sam asked putting his arm around her.

"We met at a music camp, we kinda dated." She unhurriedly answered looking to him.

"Ok," he responded.

"Um, I'm sorta tired, I'm gonna go to bed." She stood up and started towards the stairs. At that moment she didn't really have control, she just let her legs carry her upstairs. The walls around her were the only things keeping her thoughts from running wild. They circled her head and slowed her body, when all she wanted was to throw them to the ground and run as fast as she could. With each step up her feet grew heavier and so did her head as more thoughts and worries clouded in.

"Alright, I'll come." He walked to her and walked up the stairs with her.

Mitchie wanted to fall asleep right away, but thoughts about Shane, and continuous replays of their kiss filled her head, she just laid in bed, staring at the ceiling listening to Sam's heavy, even breathing. He had fallen asleep right away, but she was still up. But after a few tears and many thoughts, she slowly fell into a fitful sleep.

Mitchie picked up her phone as it rang, the caller-id said it was Caitlyn; she answered.

"Hey, Mitchie, so how was your birthday yesterday?" Caitlyn asked enthusiastically into the phone.

"Oh, it was good." Mitchie was groggy from her lack of sleep the night before, and she was still thinking about Shane and all the bad things that could possibly come from seeing him again.

"What's wrong?" Caitlyn knew Mitchie as well as she knew herself.

"Guess who I…ran into yesterday?"

"Who?" Caitlyn's voice went from worried to confused.

"Shane." Mitchie said.

"Wait? Is that what's wrong?" Caitlyn asked.

"Yea, sorta."

"What do you mean sorta? Didn't Sam do anything last night." Caitlyn giggled.

"No, he didn't, but that's not the problem." Mitchie laughed with her. Then she looked around, she knew Sam was at work and Caitlyn was napping, but she wanted to make sure no one heard what she was about to say. "The problem is…is that he…that Shane…"

"Out with it girl!"

"He kissed me!" Mitchie pulled the phone from her ear incase Caitlyn was going to scream, but the response was a wave of silence. Then after Mitchie worried about what Caitlyn would do she heard a bunch of stuttering coming from Caitlyn.

"What did you do? Did you slap him, 'cause that's what I would have done." This came to Mitchie in a wave larger than the silence, how could she tell Caitlyn that she just let him kiss her. Mitchie couldn't even convince herself that it had happened, it was a surreal moment, and in that surreal dream like moment she didn't feel like herself, she felt like her old self, her real self, the person she was before her and Shane ended.

"Not exactly, I – I let him kiss me and I kissed back, and it was horrible, well the kiss wasn't bad, it was great, just the whole kissing him back and that I was squished between him and a wall and I kept trying to pull him closer, that's the horrible part!" Mitchie shot this all at Caitlyn and caught her breath, which she had lost partly because she had talked so quickly, and partly because the thought of being so close to Shane made her heart race and her breath quicken.

"Oh, my, god! Mitchie! What are you going to do?"

"I'm seeing them again in three days! And I don't know what to do. I'm not ready for any of this."

"It's ok, calm down; I'll help you through anything." Caitlyn soothed her when she heard Mitchie on the verge of hyperventilating.

Mitchie and Caitlyn talked for almost an hour about Shane, about everything they wanted to, until Mitchie had to retrieve the screaming, waken Caitlyn. After spending another day with her daughter, Mitchie finally put her down for a nap in the mid afternoon. She dropped heavily and limply onto the couch, blowing her hair from her face. She turned on the TV.

"And now for our entertainment news." Came the reporter's voice, Mitchie turned towards the screen. She watched as they talked about slutty, stupid girls. She sighed and wondered if she had become famous would she would be that way. She shuddered and turned the TV off, nothing was on.

Her phone vibrated in her pocket and made a little 'ding' noise. Assuming it was Sam; she pulled her phone out and sat up. Right below the little pop-up thing saying '1 new message' it said 'Shane.' She hesitantly opened it. All it displayed was a simple 'Hey' She clicked reply and slowly started typing. She wasn't sure what to say. She eventually typed 'Hey, how are you?" hitting send slower then she had hit reply. Her heart was racing and she was looking blankly at her phone as it told her the message had sent. She didn't know why her heart was racing, but she saw his face again, and a slight smile appeared on her lips, she quickly dismissed it, and stared at her phone until it vibrated again and announced another text.

'I'm sorry, was randomly texting you awkward?' was his next text. She let out a small giggle.

'Haha, no it's fine. So what are you guys up to?' she texted.

'Nm, we just finished our sound check for our show tonight and I was bored and I can't stop thinking about you.' She read this and tilted her head back and groaned; she wanted to tell him he also filled her thoughts, but she didn't know what to say. She wanted to know what he was thinking, why wasn't he holding back his feelings? Had he changed more than she thought, or had she forgotten who he was or is?

'What about me?' was the only thing she could think of replying with that didn't tell him she was thinking of him too, or getting mad at him. She almost regretted hitting send, but talking to him made her loose control, just like thinking of him. She knew what had happened between them was wrong, but once a conversation was started, or his image passed through her mind, he was all she was focused on. She didn't want these feelings. She just wished she could go back in time and not talk to him, just run from the show and stay hidden from him. But if she had not talked to him when he wanted to, she wouldn't have been able to apologize and she probably would have hurt his feelings, and living with that would be worse than living with their secret kiss. Her phone dinged and vibrated again.

'Well more about our kiss, I can tell it upset you, and I want you to accept my apology, even though you say it's not needed.'

'It's not, and I'm not upset. I told you that. I just don't want to love you.'

'What?' she went back to her sent messages and read what she had sent.

'Sorry, I mean I don't want to love you because I can't and because now I can't stop thinking about you either and that's not right.' She didn't know what to say.

'O, well, I feel bad about it too, but we can't change our feelings now Mitch.' He was right, and she knew it, she couldn't change what she felt, she could cover it up, do the opposite of what her heart tells her to do, but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't the same.

'You're right.' She shook her head and did what she knew she couldn't do, she tried to convince herself that she didn't really love Shane.

'Well, I've gotta go, the band needs me. See you soon.' She was almost relieved he had to stop texting; she needed to talk to herself, to scold and lecture herself.

'O, well, good luck! Yea, see you soon.' Everything fell into place, she did still love him, she honestly wanted to see him again, but she was still going to convince herself she didn't, she always tried to do what was right, and not what she really felt like.

"Hey babe! I'm home!" Sam sang into the house, pulling Mitchie into a hug when he sat next to her.

"Shhh, Caitlyn is still sleeping." Mitchie jokingly reprimanded. He pecked her cheek.

"Sorry." He whispered. Mitchie stood up releasing herself from his hug.

"Where are you going?" he rose and draped his arm around her hips and lower back.

"To make dinner." She heard Caitlyn's cries and she started to turn towards them.

"I'll get her." He said and playfully slapped her butt before walking to the stairs. She rolled her eyes at him and smirked walking to the kitchen. She reached the kitchen and almost broke down. She pulled herself together striding to the cabinets, she told herself that everything would be okay; she would get everything with Shane cleared up, and her and Sam will be back to the way they were before this whole Shane thing happened.

Mitchie looked into the mirror; she was so close her breath was fogging up the glass. She leaned back. She was wearing a maroon dress that flowed down right below her knees and the neckline was cut low, but not too low. Her hair was pulled back into a bun, a few strands of hair left alone to frame her face. In fifteen minutes she and Sam would be on their way to meeting Shane, Nate, and Jason for dinner.

She shut her eyes as she exhaled, trying to relax her body. Just then two hands appeared on her waist and a chin on her shoulder. Her eyes flew open and in the mirror she saw Sam, his hair was brushed back nicely revealing his facial features, he wore a nice white shirt with a tie but no jacket, and his straight-legged gray pants were freshly ironed.

"You look beautiful, as usual." He beamed; she gave a meaningless smile at him in the mirror and pivoted walking out of his grasp. She pushed open the closet door and looked for shoes, finally settling on a pair of black strapped heels. She put them on and sat on the bed. Sam quickly followed, like a little puppy. As he placed a hand on her cheek and leaned in to kiss her he slightly hiked her dress up her thigh. She crooked her neck to the side and he just looked at her.

"I'm not in the mood Sam." She grumbled standing up and pulling her dress down. He followed again pulling her into his arms, not letting her go. When he had swung her into his grip her hands flew to his shoulders, she kept them there.

"What's wrong?" he eyed her full body and looked into her eyes.

"Nothing." She quipped and averted her eyes.

"Maybe it's not healthy for you to be hanging out with you're ex." He said.

"It's fine, we already told them we'd be there, so we better get going now." She glanced to the clock. "Besides it's fine, we aren't going to fight or anything. Did you give my mom everything she needs when she picked Caitlyn up?" He nodded and let her go so she could glide by him and down the stairs.

"Alright." He said to himself also walking down the stairs, "here we go."

As they pulled into the restaurant they both just sat staring. It was one of the hottest celebrity restaurants. Mitchie looked around, there were no paparazzi that she could see yet, but they could be hiding anywhere. She opened the door of the car and immediately saw the heads of Connect 3 as they stood out solely to her. As Sam emerged to her side she started striding towards the circle of three dark haired, fashionably dressed men.

"Ok, this could be crazy if the paparazzi show up." Mitchie started telling Sam, he nodded as she kept talking and walking swiftly. "Trust me, been there done that. Try to act casual, just be yourself and whatnot."

"Ok, Mitchie, I got it." He laughed, and than they found themselves standing right next to Nate, Shane, and Jason.

"Hey! Nate, Jason, this is Sam." Mitchie introduced, they shook hands and exchanged small greetings, "and you remember Shane." Sam nodded and shook his hand as well, he then pulled Mitchie into him, and Mitchie sensed almost a pang of jealousy in his grip.

"So let's go eat." Nate suggested leading them to the door after a moment of awkward silence. Mitchie just nodded and flashed a smile in his direction, he knew somewhat about what she must have been feeling, and she liked the comfort of this. Nate was always her shoulder to cry on when things with Shane were going bad. To her, he was like a brother, and sometimes he was even fatherly towards her. He nodded his response to her thanking smile, and walking into the restaurant no one had witnessed their small, silent conversation.

After two hours of laughs, memories, and more awkward silences the waiter had set the bill on the table and left. Sam reached for it, but before he had hold, it was snatched from him.

"I've got it." Shane said reaching for the wallet in his pocket.

"No, let me." Sam insisted, they both looked to Mitchie and she shrugged her shoulders and stared right back at them.

"Why are you looking at me?" she responded to their glances, this brought chuckles from Nate and Jason, she turned her gaze to them, and they stopped laughing. "Honestly, I have no part in this." She broke into laughter, Nate and Jason resumed, and Shane and Sam both had smiles stretching across their lips. Mitchie gulped for air and continued to sob bursts of laughter.

Sam's smile was for seeing Mitchie happier than she had been, and for laughing at the same thing Mitchie was giggling about. Shane's smile was for seeing Mitchie's smile, given he was laughing at the dilemma as well, but when Mitchie glanced toward him and caught his eyes her laughing ceased. For a self-conscious second Mitchie was held in the sparkles of his eyes. She quickly shook herself out of it and turned to Sam.

"Maybe you should just let Shane get it this time." She said and then hid her face, staring down to the table. Nate understood her while no one else really paid attention to the sharp turn of her emotions.

"Ok babe, if that's what you want," said Sam. She nodded.

As they walked out the restaurant, Nate, Sam, and Jason walked a good yard ahead of Mitchie and Shane.

"I'm glad you guys came. Sam seems like a pretty good guy." Shane said.

"Yeah, thanks for paying." Then an awkward hush lingered between them. As Mitchie slightly stumbled into Shane by accident, he purposely bumped her off her path.

"Hey, that was an accident." She giggled, regaining balance and then with her side she rammed him off his steadiness. He smiled and her giggles transformed to a slight shriek as he lifted her off her feet. The three ahead of them turned and looked at them. They both almost miraculously stopped their uncontrollable laughter. Mitchie looked at Sam's confused face and then felt her feet touch the ground and the grasp that was on her waist disappear. After a second of fixing her eye sight, she realized someone had snapped a picture of their childish actions. Her eyes adjusted from the flash, and as cameras started going off, she and Shane ran to Nate, Jason and Sam. They all shielded their faces, and Sam took hold of Mitchie's hand.

"Told you." Mitchie said, and Sam chuckled as they crawled into their car. They pulled out right behind Shane, Nate, and Jason. When both cars were at least a mile from the restaurant they pulled to the side of the road and all stepped out of the car laughing as they merged together.

"That was great!" Jason exclaimed.

"Yeah, but we are all good now." Nate said.

"So how was your first paparazzi experience, Sam?" Shane asked.

"Wait, you've done that before, babe?" Sam asked Mitchie.

"Well, I was a star on the rise, and when you hang around with your average cookie-cutter-pop-stars" she looked to Shane and smiled, "things like that tend to happen."

"Oh, yeah, I forgot about that." Sam said, "It was a small adrenaline rush." They all laughed.

"Well, I guess we better get going; got to pick up Caitlyn and stuff. It was great seeing you guys. Hopefully we can do this again or something, maybe not at a place like that." Mitchie said. They said their goodbyes and went their separate ways.

"What was that whole thing about?" Sam asked as he kept his eyes on the road.

"What thing?" Mitchie replied turning to him, he glanced at her for a second and turned his attention back to driving.

"With you and Shane, right before the whole paparazzi thing."

"Oh, it was nothing." She twisted back to staring out the passenger side window.

"Ok," Sam said unconvincingly.

"Don't worry, we were just messing around. It was nothing." She thought about her and Shane's kiss again, and grinned to herself, "Trust me, that was nothing."

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OK! please review, and keep reading, and check out my other story, Finding a New Light, since the update will come soon! Thanks!!!!


	5. Here We Go Again

_Finally, a new chapter!!!!!!!!!! this one is a songfic, incase you can't figure it out, it's Here We Go Again by Demi Lovato...haha remember how jason is enganged in this story, and now kevin's enganged, and both girls are named danielle....haha wow, am i just pshycic or what??? haha....i'm gonna be changing my author name, just to let you know.....well this is by far the longest chapter, i know some parts are boring, but bare with me for now, i have to build up the story......anyway i hope you like it, and dont forget to review!! thanks!!!_

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_"Kiss me again?" Shane whispered leaning his face to Mitchie's. He gently brushed his hand against her cheek, pulling the hair from her face, and touched the tip of his nose to hers. She smiled and to Shane a smile was a yes. She lifted her arm and wrapped it around his back making sure they were as close as could be. To her, as long as they were together she knew they would be forever. He was the Romeo to her Juliet and nothing was about to tear them apart, not even Paris, or in their case, Sam. _

_"You never need to ask." That sent Shane to oblivion and the fire was fueled. He met his lips to hers and her grasp tightened around him. _

_"You leave me speechless sometimes." He said against her lips. She pulled her head back and tossed the hair from her face. She gave him a smile and raised her eyebrows._

_"Then why are you talking?" she seductively moved her hand to his face and placed a finger over his lips. When he beamed in return she pushed him back and he fell to the bed taking her with him. She put their lips back together and felt her smile grow bigger. _

Mitchie sprang up and looked around in the dark. Next to her was a snoring Sam. She sighed and swept her bangs from her forehead, they were sticking to her skin, damp with sweat. She looked back at Sam and sighed again, it was her second dream about Shane and she wanted them to stop. She knew she couldn't keep living that way; she pushed him from her mind during the day, and that left her to dream about him at night. Sam obviously could sense she wasn't lying next to him anymore and stirred in his sleep. She went to lie back down.

"Mitchie?" she turned to him, "are you okay?" she nodded and put her head on her pillow, letting herself sink into the comfort of it.

"Yeah, I just woke up, it's fine." She closed her eyes, and thrust them back open when she saw Shane's smiling face.

"Alright," he, on the edge of sleep, drowsily replied. He nodded back to sleep and Mitchie glanced to the clock. She tilted her head back and felt the need to laugh, but she also felt like crying would work. The silence around her was overwhelming; nothing being said was worse then everything being shot at her at once. She thought about how she could tell Shane she couldn't keep seeing him, but she didn't want to. Before she knew it, she fell back asleep.

In the morning Mitchie woke to Caitlyn's cries and felt relief when she didn't fall back into a dream filled with Shane and his kisses; his comforting, amazing, blissful kisses. She pulled Caitlyn into her arms and went to the kitchen. She heard footsteps behind her and said good morning to Sam. Sam took Caitlyn from her arms and strapped her into her highchair as Mitchie started throwing eggs into a pan to scramble.

"Well good morning baby." Sam threw at Mitchie and she rolled her eyes.

"We are going to my parents for dinner, don't forget." Mitchie told him scooping eggs onto two plates and handing one to Sam. She gave some to Caitlyn and smiled.

"Well aren't we happy today?" Sam noticed, she looked to him and the expression on her faced asked what he meant. "I don't know you're just cheerier than you have been in awhile." She nodded, and started to eat. He was right, she was happier; she even felt the happiness though out her whole body. Maybe dreaming about Shane wasn't so bad. She could think about him without feeling guilty, because it's not like she could control her dreams. Shane had texted her some more and she never knew what to say. She wasn't sure if it was good to talk to him again, or bad. She tried to figure it out but they both seemed right. On one hand, talking to him did make her feel better and that was a plus, but then talking to him could have its downs. Sometimes she thought too much about him and their past that she was far from happy. To know if it was right or wrong she would have to let it go on a little longer, then she could decide.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Caitlyn burst out. Mitchie shook herself from her thoughts and looked to Caitlyn.

"What sweetie?" she asked smiling at her bubbly daughter.

"I want more egg." Caitlyn said. Mitchie laughed and heard Sam chuckle along with her. She gave her daughter the last of what was on her plate.

"Here, have mine." Sam offered. She shook her head and gave a small smile before beginning to clear off the table, and attempting to clear her mind when her dream came back into focus. Then Mitchie's cell phone chimed from its place on the counter.

"Probably my mom," she groaned dragging her tired body over to the still ringing phone, "Shane?" She steadily flipped open her phone and put it to her ear. "Hello?" she answered.

"Hey." He replied, Mitchie rocked back on her feet and let a moment of silence pass as she watched Sam take Caitlyn from her highchair and to the back yard.

"What do you want? Oh, sorry, that was rude. I'm kind of tired, I didn't get that much sleep last night." She let out a slight laugh, leaning onto the counter, her head falling into her palm.

"That's okay. You always seem to never get enough sleep." He commented, laughing into the phone, his laugh sent a smile to Mitchie's face and she quickly shook her head, attempting to shake off the smile.

"I just keep having a dream." She yawned into the phone and her smile returned when he laughed at her.

"A nightmare?"

"Not exactly," she leaned over and watched while Sam chased Caitlyn around the yard, she heard their laughter, "so what's up?" she walked to the kitchen table and sat down.

"We will be in town tomorrow, could we stop over for awhile?" inside she almost bubbled over with excitement when there was even the smallest chance of seeing Shane, that was in her heart. In her mind, she was screaming no, she couldn't see Shane ever again. She sat for a minute as a battle raged through her body; it was heart against mind, desire against wisdom, instinct against good judgment, one was right and one was wrong, and then again when one was right it found a way to be wrong.

"Yeah, sure that'd be great." She beamed into the phone, had her mind been defeated? No, it had surrendered; the heart of Mitchie Anderson was still that strong heart that once belonged to a remarkable Mitchie Torres.

"Okay, we will be there around two? Is that okay?" she heard the eagerness of his voice, and felt her body fill with anticipation.

"Yeah, that's fine. I guess I will see you then?"

"Alright, I'll tell the guys. See you then, bye." Mitchie didn't know what to say, but quickly said her goodbye's and hung up the phone right as Sam came through the door with Caitlyn perched on his shoulders.

"That was Shane, they are stopping over tomorrow." Mitchie started staring at her phone as she played with it in her hands. She looked up at him and waited for his response.

"But tomorrow night is when I leave to go camping with the guys." Sam said pulling Caitlyn from his shoulders and plopping next to Mitchie.

"They're coming at two, and you leave at five, they probably won't be here that long." She looked back at the phone she was tossing around in her hands and bit her lip.

"Alright." Was the only thing Sam muttered before following Caitlyn as she ran back to the door, ready to go outside. Mitchie nodded to herself and let her phone fall to the table.

"Hey, Aunt Susan, I didn't know you'd be here!" Mitchie exclaimed as she walked into the door of her parent's house.

"Hey, Mitchie." And she was swarmed with a bunch of hugs. Mitchie walked into the living room, her arm latched to Sam's. She saw Maria, her seventeen year old cousin, lounging on a couch texting up a storm.

"Hey chica!" she greeted her they way they always had. Maria, surprised by her cousin's voice, turned away from her phone for a second.

"Mitchie!" she finished her text and ran to Mitchie's arms. "Hey Sam and Caitlyn," Sam also exchanged a hello and gave Caitlyn over to Maria, who immediately started to play 'peek-a-boo' with her. Mitchie sat on the couch and took in the familiar scent of home, and the meal her mom must have been cooking in the kitchen.

"What are you watching?" she asked Maria, but then she recognized the channel.

"Hot Tunes," they said in unison, and laughed. Even though they were nine years apart, they had so much in common. Connie plopped down next to her daughter and gave her a hug.

"Hey mom," Mitchie smiled, "hey dad," she added as he walked in the room.

"See Maria, Mitchie's not too old for hugs from her mom." Susan teased her daughter. Mitchie laughed at her. Connie picked up the remote, ready to change the channel to something a little more appealing to her.

"Wait," Maria burst out placing herself in front of the TV, like a protester protecting a building about to be demolished. "They said before the commercials that when they got back they would be talking about Shane Grey," Mitchie smiled, ready to see his face again, "and some mystery girl." Mitchie then pretended she heard nothing her eager teen cousin had just said. She took in the information again, but Shane had said he was single, maybe he wasn't, and maybe that's why he had switched the subject so swiftly. But he wouldn't lie to her would he? Especially not after she told him she was married. Plus, why would he kiss her if he had a girlfriend? Well, he kissed her knowing she had a husband.

"Teenagers," Connie huffed surrendering the remote.

"And now back to Hot Tunes," the TV announcer said, Mitchie picked up the water her mother brought to her when she had come out of the kitchen, and pretended to be interested in it. She heard Maria squeal, and assumed Shane's picture was currently on the TV.

"Aw, come on, show her face already!" Maria barked to the TV. Mitchie felt Sam place his hands on the sides of her head and turn it towards the TV and she saw a familiar sight. She dropped her water and everyone looked at her as it shattered at her feet. The glass clattered to the hardwood loud and quickly, water flowing all around. Mr. Torres held Caitlyn tight so she wouldn't touch the glass, and Sam, Connie, and Susan started to pick up the glass around Mitchie's feet. Mitchie sat completely astound as they almost revealed the mystery girl's face.

"What are you doing Mitchie?" her mom asked as Mitchie reached for the remote, ready to turn off the TV, ignoring the glass around her.

"…Mitchie Torres." The announcer released the name of the mystery girl and Mitchie watched as all the heads in the room turned to her, as they showed pictures of her from when she was a 'star on the rise.' The expression on her face must have been priceless because they started laughing and all turned back to the TV as an image was flashed across the screen and the announcer continued to talk.

"Oh, my, _God_!" Maria shot out. Mitchie saw herself in Shane's grasp lifted off the ground in a parking lot. In the picture she was looking down at Shane, and he was looking up at her, and she saw their happy smiles as they laughed. Everyone around her was silent, and Sam laughed.

"But, she must not be Mitchie Torres anymore, here she is hand and hand with a man and here's her wedding band." More pictures flew across the screen. She bent down to clean up the glass as _Hot Tunes_ switched to a new topic. Her phone rang out from her pocket and she answered without looking.

"Hey, you were just on Hot Tunes; that hasn't happened in awhile has it?" Shane smirked into the phone.

"Yeah, I saw that Shane." She sounded annoyed and Shane laughed through the phone, "Actually, my whole family saw that."

"Oh," Shane must have seen what Mitchie saw in the picture of them, "did they notice?"

"I don't think so." Mitchie heard Maria impatiently ask Sam a few times who she was talking to. "One sec," she took the phone from her ear and looked to Maria.

"Shane," she smiled. Maria threw her a confused look, and Mitchie waited as Maria's eyes grew big, and her mouth hung open.

"Shane Grey?!" she shrieked running to her cousin, ready to rip the phone from Mitchie's hand.

"Shane, I'm gonna call you back, bye." Mitchie hit the end button and turned to a crazy, obvious fan girl, Maria.

"What'd he say?" Maria latched herself to Mitchie, who just laughed. She was then caught up into a big discussion about _Connect 3_ with Maria. Mitchie told Maria a lot about Shane when he was her age and with every word Maria grew even more fascinated.

"I'm going to go set up the table, dinner should be ready." Connie stood up and started towards the kitchen and dining room.

"I'll help." Mitchie offered. Connie flashed a smile and nodded. Susan and Sam continued to clean Mitchie's mess, starting to soak up the water and Maria, holding Caitlyn, was most likely thinking about Shane and _Connect 3_.

"I _did_ notice." Connie said after she closed the door behind Mitchie.

"What are you talking about? Noticed what?" Mitchie played it off she began to put a plate at each seat.

"You know exactly what. Mitchie I saw the way you were looking at him, and the way he was looking at you." Mitchie just continued to set the table and thought about what she had to say next, obviously lying wouldn't work.

"What do you mean, looking at who?" she decided to continue to play it off, and watched as her mom just disappointedly gazed at her.

"You're not fifteen, don't try that whole thing." Mitchie rolled her eyes to the floor, knowing there was nothing left to defend herself with.

"So what are you saying mom?"

"I'm saying you better not do anything stupid." Mitchie bit her lip, continuing to set the table.

"What would I do stupid?" she put the final plate in it's place and turned to her mom, her hands flying to her hips, her attitude appearing from inside.

"You know what I mean Michelle." Connie shot back placing the last of the food on the table, Mitchie winced at her full name, no one, not even her mother, even dares to call her that.

"No I really don't." she defended.

"Well, this conversation is over, go get everyone." And Mitchie huffed to the door and went to gather everyone in for dinner. She looked to the ground, knowing everything she was doing was stupid, she was being stupid. As ridiculous as she knew she was acting, she couldn't seem to do anything smart. She felt like she was lying to her mom, and she was in a way. She was guilt ridden, she use to confine her mom, and now she just let it all inside.

"So, how would you like to meet Connect 3, Maria?" Mitchie asked as the family was gathered around desert. Maria squealed.

"I would love it!"

"They are stopping over at our house tomorrow, you should come too." Mitchie laughed as Maria started to freak out.

"I will most definitely be there!" Maria cried, beginning to beg her mom, forgetting the half eaten slice of cake in front of her.

"We have to catch our flight at three-thirty tomorrow." Susan said and Maria shot a look of pleading at her mom.

"They are coming at two, you totally have time to meet them, and trust me they won't care. Just try not to freak out too much." Mitchie beamed to Maria, who was gripping her mother's arms, never ending pleading words flying from her mouth. Susan caved and told them it was okay. Another shriek from Maria filled the room. Laughter broke out and Mitchie just smiled, guilt coming back as she saw her mother look at her with worry and demand. Mitchie looked away and joined the laughter as Maria continued to fill with excitement.

"What should I wear?" she asked, concerned nothing would be perfect enough. The laughter came out like thunder in a still sky; Mitchie was ready to supply the rain, tears of shame and guilt ready to come at any minute, any painful minute. She just smiled at Maria and told her she could help her find the perfect outfit, after all meeting _Connect 3_ was a one-in-a-million chance for Maria. The next day would be filled with those little mischievous things called chances; a chance for Maria to meet her favorite band, and a chance for Mitchie to fix everything, or the larger chance that she would continue on her path of stupidity to joy and the broken hearts that follow.

* * *

"Okay, so that vest definitely pulls the whole outfit together!" Mitchie smiled at Maria, who was fidgeting with everything her hands happened to come in contact with.

"Okay, thanks!" she replied, checking her watch again, like she had done every five minutes for a whole hour and a half.

"Calm down, just take a breath. Now, when I open the door, stay calm as I introduce you to them. I'm sure they will give you hugs, don't worry." Maria beamed, and Mitchie shook her head jokingly.

"This is so exciting!" Maria breathed. Her body bobbed up and down with anticipation as she answered the text on her phone.

"We have ten minutes, take the time and let that all out." Mitchie suggested, pointing to all the jumping. She counted to three and her hands flew to her ears as the shrieks belted from Maria's mouth. Just when Mitchie thought she was done, she gulped in a large amount of air, and the piercing noise cut through the air again.

"Alright, good for now." Maria panted, "So what pictures or anything do you have of Shane?" Mitchie's smile faded slightly.

"Nothing, I threw all that away, actually." She answered and Maria just nodded, and slight regret fell over her face, noticing her cousin's reaction.

_I throw all of your stuff away_

_And then I clear you out of my head_

_I tear you out of my heart_

_And ignore all your messages_

"Don't feel bad, it happened after all our break-ups, we were kind of an on-and-off couple." Mitchie tried to smile for Maria.

"But now you have Sam." Maria tried to make it all better, but Mitchie just kept the fake smile going as she looked to the pictures on the wall of her and Sam's wedding, and gave a slight nod.

_I tell everyone we are through_

'_Cause I'm so much better without you_

_But it's just another pretty lie,_

"Exactly," Mitchie smiled as Sam walked down the steps and greeted the two girls. The doorbell rang through the silence, and Maria's face lit up and she closed her mouth before a shriek could escape her lips. Mitchie walked and watched as Maria tried to calm herself.

Mitchie opened the door, smiling to her guests. Shane smiled back, and her heart stopped, her stomach did its infamous flipping, and her breath caught in her throat. She, recognized the feelings, and they went from love to sadness. She watched as Shane gave her a weird face.

'_Cause I break down_

_Every time you come around._

"Oh, right, Shane, Nate, Jason, this is my cousin Maria. Maria here they are." Mitchie was greeted with hugs from Nate and Jason, as Shane gave her a hug she put her head to his ear.

"You might want to hug her too." She whispered, her nod slightly signaling in Maria's direction. She felt as he slid from her grasp, the feelings from his embrace sticking in her mind, and she watched his face as he walked into the house. The tears came again, but she kept them in, as Sam walked back into the room; Mitchie was torn between what was right, and what felt right.

_So how did you get here under my skin_

_Swore that I'd never let you back in,_

She knew nothing good was coming out of this little meeting.

_Should've known better than trying to let you go,_

She felt the familiar embrace of Sam behind her, and she flashed a smile at Shane after they had all hugged Maria, who started to bubble over again with excitement. They both looked down as that missing spark finally found its way back into their life.

'_Cause here we go, go, go again._

She tried to keep her eyes from Shane as he and Jason talked with the still fidgeting Maria, but she found she couldn't look away. Sam finally let go, kissing her cheek before engaging himself in conversation with Nate. She smiled at Sam and Nate's bonding but then her eyes found their way to their favorite spot; Shane. She gave up on trying to look away, finding it was better to indulge her urges than to turn them away.

_Hard_ _as I try I know I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

She walked over to Maria's side and watched as Shane's eyes followed her the whole way there.

"Hey Mitch." He beamed; her smile grew, if that was even possible. From the corner of her eye she saw Nate glance at them, she thought she saw some disappointment in his face, but she also saw a smile seep into his lips.

"You are the only one who calls me that anymore, Shane." She said to him, Jason took that time to start a conversation with Maria.

"I was pretty much the only one who _ever_ called you that." He answered laughing at her. She giggled and the red flushed to her cheeks when he caught her eyes.

_We're falling together  
you think that by now I'd know_

'_Cause here we go, go, go again_

He made sure he kept her eyes in his hold and took one step closer, she stepped back.

"What are you doing?" she whispered, breaking free of his gaze. He turned his head away and shrugged his shoulders.

_You never know what you want,_

They both, simultaneously, walked over to Jason and Maria who had joined Sam and Nate.

"So, Maria, how exciting is this?" Mitchie inquired.

"Perfect! Thank you so much Mitchie!" she responded embracing Mitchie.

It was almost five and Maria had left, sad, but satisfied. Nate, Shane, and Jason promised her they would be able to get her tickets and backstage passes for her and her friends for the next tour. Then it was just Sam, Mitchie, and the guys. Caitlyn was still napping upstairs. They were all seated in the living room and Mitchie couldn't help but have waves of different emotions crash over her. The largest wave was guilt. The conversation was currently on the topic of music.

"Nate is our musical genius," Jason said, "he writes a lot of our songs. He's amazing."

"You guys help a lot, too." Nate replied.

"Stop being so modest, you are truly talented," Mitchie agreed, Nate rolled his eyes. Mitchie glanced to Shane and smiled when he stuck his tongue out at her. "Is he always this immature?"

"Yeah, you could say that." Nate grinned. Shane grabbed the pillow nearest him and chucked it right to Nate, who was able to block it from hitting his face. Mitchie shook his head at him, and made it her turn to stick out her tongue.

"Hey, just because you're a mother, doesn't mean the rest of us are immature." Shane quipped, thrusting his tongue back out. Jason and Nate laughed, and a chuckle came from Sam. Mitchie glared at him.

"Sorry, babe," he pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arm around her. She looked from Shane to Nate, Shane pretending not to care she was in his arms, and Nate raised his eyebrows at Mitchie. The doorbell pierced through the awkward silence and Sam stood from the couch.

"Well I've got to be leaving now. Nice seeing you guys." He shook hands with Nate, Jason, and Sam. "Bye baby, tell Caitlyn I love her." He pulled Mitchie into a kiss and she smiled at him when he finally pulled away. As Sam walked out the door, she couldn't help but look at Shane, and see the hurt pass over his face.

"Do you guys want to stay for dinner?" Mitchie asked, looking down at her fidgeting hands.

"That'd be great." Shane answered for them, and they all nodded. Mitchie turned her head towards the stairs as Caitlyn cried.

"I'll be right back," she jumped from the couch and treaded up the stairs. She reached Caitlyn's room, and managed to stop the tears again. Once more she questioned what she was doing. She wondered if the feelings for Shane would go away, or if she would have to live in lies and guilt for the rest of her life.

She picked up Caitlyn and carried her down the stairs, thoughts still swirling themselves in her mind.

"This is my daughter, Caitlyn." She introduced as she walked back into the living room.

"Hey Caitlyn," Shane beamed. Caitlyn buried her head in her mom's shoulder. Mitchie comfortingly stroked her hair, letting her know it was okay.

"I think you scared her Shane." Jason joked. Mitchie laughed, repositioning herself so the guys could see Caitlyn. She looked around, as if examining them, they all just smiled at her, and soon enough a small smile spread across her lips. Mitchie put her down and she instinctively grabbed hold of her mother's legs. Mitchie was able to unlatch her, and then knelt beside her.

"Can you say hi to Shane, Nate, and Jason." She pointed to each of them as she said their names. Caitlyn hid her face again, but Mitchie turned her around, reassuring her she was fine.

"Hi," she grinned at them, and they smiled in return.

"Wow, she has your eyes." Shane complimented, and Mitchie looked at Caitlyn, and nodded.

"But, that's definitely Sam's hair on her head." She said, ruffling her hand through Caitlyn's messy hair.

"Mommy's going to go start dinner; can you stay here with them?" Mitchie cooed gathering some toys and placing them at her daughter's feet. Mitchie stood up and turned for the kitchen as Caitlyn nodded and began playing with her toys.

"It's weird hearing you say that," Shane smirked; Mitchie turned and looked at him. "I mean, you definitely don't look like a mother. Not that that's a bad thing, yeah, never mind, I don't' know what I'm saying right now." She laughed with him as rolled his eyes at himself.

_And you never say what you mean,_

Mitchie turned, still looking at Shane, and bumped into the coffee table, she straightened herself up.

"You okay?" Nate immediately asked, concerned.

"Yeah, just fine." She answered, starting to laugh; Nate came to her side and walked to the kitchen with her, as she was overcome with laughter.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked as she began to grab what she needed to cook. She stopped her laughter and pivoted to him.

"Yes, I'm fine, go back out there, please, don't worry about me." He nodded and walked from the kitchen.

_But I start to go insane,_

_Every time that you look at me_

_You only hear half of what I say_

_And you're always showing up too late_

She put water in a pot, and put it on the stove and went back to the living room, so the water could boil. She picked up Caitlyn and put her toy down.

"I'm gonna go put her in her highchair and give her a snack you're all welcome to follow." They all stood and walked with her to the kitchen.

"That was delicious Mitchie," Nate praised as Mitchie began to clear the table. She beamed her thanks and threw the last of the dishes in the sink or dishwasher. She plopped back down as Nate answered his phone. They all waited in silence until he hung up, it sounded like the phone call was urgent.

"They need us at the recording studio, something about the acoustics being messed up. Sorry to have to leave so abruptly Mitchie." He told them. Mitchie's face fell, she looked to Shane, and he had the same long face.

"You two go ahead; I'll stay here for a little, and meet you there?" Nate looked at him, and then to Mitchie.

"Alright, I guess that's fine." He stood up and pushed his chair in, giving the two another look. Jason stood up well.

"Bye," Jason hugged her, and Nate did the same.

"Think about what you do." Nate whispered as low as possible into her ear, she nodded and she and Shane followed them to the living room and watched them drive away. Mitchie shut the door, and turned to find Shane right behind her. He pushed his lips to hers and she pulled back.

_And I know that I should say goodbye,_

"What are you doing, Shane?" she stepped back.

"I couldn't wait any longer, sorry, it's just every time I see you…"

_But it's no use,_

He titled his head to hers, and her lips met his somewhere in the middle, his sentence cut off. Mitchie felt the sensation from her lips flow through her whole body, her mind started to reel and she gave in. They broke apart and smiled, walking back to the kitchen.

_Can't be with or without you_

"You know we shouldn't be doing this, right?" she pulled Caitlyn from her highchair, and there was silence as they walked into the living room.

"I know." He smirked and she smiled, but guilt washed over her again.

"Let's go outside." And she grabbed a box of chalk and strutted outside, setting Caitlyn and herself on the driveway, handing chalk to Caitlyn. Shane plopped down across from Mitchie and just smiled at her.

_So how did you get here under my skin?_

_Swore that I'd never let you back in_

_Should've known better _

_Than trying to let you go _

'_Cause here we go, go, go again_

Mitchie guided her daughter's hand, helping her to spell out her name in pink chalk.

"I can't call her Caitlyn, reminds me too much of Caitlyn." Shane laughed, and he scribbled out 'Cate' with chalk. "That suits her better."

"It does seem more mature than Caitlyn, and she is the most mature two year old I've ever met. Plus, I like that spelling, Cate it is." Mitchie composed the name with the pink chalk on the hot asphalt and looked to her smiling daughter. They continued to fill up the black canvas with the pastel colors of chalk, Shane and Mitchie sharing smiles and blushes every s often.

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit _

_Something about you is so addictive _

_We're falling together_

_You think that by now I'd know_

'_Cause here we go, go, go again_

_And again, and again, and again, and again._

"What ever happened to us?" Mitchie blurted out. Shane looked up from his 'chalk masterpiece' and Cate continued hers.

"What?"

"Well I don't know, I threw everything away, I tried to get you out of my head, but here we go again, once more, you've found a way back in." she shook her head and looked back down.

_I threw all of your stuff away_

_And then I cleared you out of my head_

_And I tore you out of my heart._

"I can't answer that question, sorry." He replied, refocusing himself. "But I guess we are just the kind of people who keep running in circles." She nodded.

_So how did you get here under my skin?_

_Swore that I'd never let you back in _

_Should've know better _

_Than trying to let you go_

_Cuz here we go, go, go again_

"I think I should go now, they probably need me." He stood up, and wiped the chalk from his hands, helping Mitchie stand up. He leaned to her, and she pushed away, but found his gravity much to strong and looked at down at the chalk distracted Cate before crushing her lips to his and smiling into him.

_Hard as I try I know I can't quit_

_Something about you is so addictive_

_We're falling together _

_You think that by now I'd know_

'_Cause here we go, go, go again. _

They pulled back and Mitchie knelt to gather up the chalk, and pull Cate into her arms. He looked at her and she smiled, knowing she would regret everything later.

"Say bye Cate," she smiled as Cate, responding to her new nickname uttered her goodbyes and gave Shane the hug he asked for.

"Bye Mitch," he placed a kiss on her forehead and crawled into his car, his eyes glued on Mitchie the whole time. He backed out of the driveway and Mitchie waved, a tear sliding down her cheek, falling to the chalk heart she had drawn earlier. The tear glided down the sloped driveway, wiping clear a line of chalk down the middle of the heart.

"Bye Shane," she whispered to herself, letting the tears fall. They were happy and sad tears; on one hand, she was grateful of her time with Shane; on the other hand she was regretful of it. She was so in love with Shane, and couldn't pull away from that, but she did love Sam, and she was letting her selfish feelings get ready to tear him apart. He never could find out, and Mitchie was never going to be able to walk away from Shane. All these feelings were too much, so she turned and walked into the house, shutting the door, letting her heart fall back to Shane.

_And again…_

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o boy, what has Mitchie gotten herself into???...hope you enjoyed it!!!! the end was definitely my favorite part.....but you all tell me what you think! for now i'm changing my pen name to AlyssaAnn....but once i get something better, i will let you know!!! so please review!! it would mean the world to me!!!!


	6. On the Line

here's chapter six, its kind of shorter than the other chapters, but i feel there is still a lot to it, plus last chapter was a long one. This is also a songfic; On the line by Demi Lovato and the Jonas Brothers. yes, all the songfics will be demi or the Jobro's, except for one, but that's not important now lol.....i've realized I've been forgetting my disclaimers...oops! haha so, no, sadly i dont own camp rock...only Sam and Cate are mine........haha so enjoy, and don't forget to review, it makes my day to read them

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A day, only a single day – well day and a half – had passed since the guys had come over, and Mitchie had fallen back to Shane. The way he could easily, without trying, make her fall so hard was mind shattering, and this time the fall would inevitably end with a crash, and someone would get hurt. Mitchie already felt the pain, and already saw the flames of guilt and torture that would engulf her once rock bottom was hit. Maybe it was easy to see flames you've burned in before, avoiding them however, was a whole different story. It had happened the last time she and Shane were together, she left – well they both had walked away – and was succumb to guilt for breaking his heart, and pain from her equally scarred heart. How could something that was so amazing always end in regretted words, waterfall tears, and raw memories?

She wondered what made her so susceptible to him; was it fate that always had a way of pulling them back together? Maybe it's that she was immune to the red warning flags and piercing sirens that tried to control her mind every time he was near, but his magnitude was just too strong for them, and they easily surrendered. Her heart obviously felt like it knew where it belonged, but her mind was racing in circles and trying to push him away. But whatever love it was between them was finding a way to drive itself in and stick there. There was a fire of passion that came with his love, and once it started it spread, and was unable to be distinguished. Then again, that flame had never actually gone out, it was just dimming down, and now with him back in her life, more fire was fueled to the flame, more sparks lighting, and new blazes igniting.

She wanted so much to be able to just walk away from him and go back to her drama-free life with Sam and Cate. She tried, she really did, but she was already being pulled to him. His gravity had pulled her out to sea, a sea of rough and dangerous waters, and the battle was too hard to fight, and she was already giving up. She was making the fatal mistake of becoming to comfortable with the swaying and bobbing of the waves and of starting to sink under, accepting the blackness, accepting his love, and the pain of hurting those left stranded on shore.

She wondered how long it would be until her and Shane did something that would end with Sam finding out. Maybe she would be able to end it by then and start swimming back to the comfort of the shore, where life was simple and painless, basically already planned out. With Shane, everyday was a new adventure, but she didn't have strength to build up a wall to block him out. Instead, the door to her heart was a wide one, and Shane never gave her the key back the last time they split, and even if her life was changed, the lock wasn't and he had the simplest way in. And it looked like he had already found it, and walked inside, but it's not like she blocked his entrance. With every kiss he got farther in, and the further inside he was, the harder it would be to kick him out, and the larger mark he would leave.

"Why mommy cry?" Cate's small voice came through the thoughts that had swallowed Mitchie up and she looked to her daughter.

"What?" she whispered, and then realized she was crying, she was too busy thinking about the things that make her cry to even know she was crying. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and shut her eyes, letting the last of the tears fall. She smiled to reassure her daughter before moving from her spot on the couch to the floor next to Cate, who was setting out all she needed for a small tea party.

"Is mommy sad?" Cate pushed on, Mitchie sighed.

"Mommy's fine, don't worry Cate." She gave another forced smile and nodded, "now, let's get this tea party started." Cate giggled with glee and handed Mitchie a teacup from which she drank the nonexistent tea, beaming one extra smile at her daughter. She wondered if the false smiles were also executed to try and reassure herself, and not just her curious daughter. Maybe in a way she was also trying to convince herself that everything would be fine, and no damage would be done, but the truth of the matter was that the damage was already there. Old scars were reopened, and new wounds would appear in no time.

A sigh escaped her lips again, and she held in the tears that were trying to get out. She even questioned her tears and sobs; she was the one who was the roots of them all. She was the one, who could at any moment turn Shane away and live perfectly fine with her _husband_, but instead she was acting immorally, and as guilty as she felt, regretted none of the kisses. She didn't regret that feeling that kept pulling her to Shane, and that she felt every time he looked at her, spoke to her, or kissed her. She felt a new attraction to Shane, adding to her already mental attraction, a physical bond was forming; she felt as though she needed his kisses, urged to have him in her arms, and wanting of his arms around her. Whenever he was around, she felt as though she needed to touch him, even just a brush of his hand would be enough to send the chills racing down her spine.

These thoughts consumed her through the day until the darkness was starting to fall and Cate was curled up in her bed. She was in her own room, the digital clock bearing the time in bright red numbers, it was only nine, and Mitchie was tired as ever. She had just hung up with Sam, who had called to say goodnight. She collapsed into her bed, not even bothering to undo the covers and crawl under them. She felt the emptiness next her, Sam away on his camping trip, and her all alone. She needed that half of the bed to be filled. In her mind, she saw Sam laying there, his body touching hers. In her body and heart she felt Shane, wrapped in his arms, and sleeping the most peaceful she ever had. She grabbed her cell from the bedside table and was ready to call Shane, but was already receiving a call. It rang out in the still air, and she couldn't help the chills as they rushed through her. Shane was calling her, she huffed a single laugh at the coincidental phone call.

"Hey, I was just going to call you." She answered, unable to stop the smile from spreading across her lips.

"Really?" she could hear the smile that danced on his lips. "Because I was just thinking about you, and Sam, and me, and I need to know what you're doing. I can't set my mind on anything else" he paused, and she inhaled, tears forming in her eyes, "on you."

"I – we can't – but I – come over." She blurted out through the tears.

"What?"

"I need to see you; I need to feel you in my arms. I know it crazy, I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I'm going insane over here. I know you're still in town, just come over, we can talk, and we can finally have the time to ourselves." The words shot from her mouth, and for once she didn't want them to stop.

"Well Jason's with Danielle, but Nate will stop me." In Shane's voice she could hear his eagerness and she would have jumped through the phone to get to him if she could.

"Sneak out, do anything." She laughed at her rebellious side.

"I'll be over in a few." Shane whispered, and she hung up the phone. She glanced at her pajamas and sighed. She sprang to her closet; pulling out jeans and a top that purposely had a chance of Shane's gaze falling under her face; she hastily threw them on. She grinned at her reflection and gave her hair one last fluff before running to answer the door as the doorbell chimed.

"Shane," she breathed as she flung open the door, plunging into his arms. She wiped her tears as he held her, wondering why she was crying. He beamed to her and shut the door before walking them to the living room and plopping to the couch. She finally broke away and he laughed.

"I know we shouldn't be doing any of this, but I can't help the way I fall for you." She was so relieved to finally be in his presence and her eyes wandered all of his body, taking every last drop of him in, before settling to his eyes. He just answered with a smile.

"I never know what you want." He laughed and she blushed as his eyes found their way down, and then awkwardly came back up, raising his eyebrows and the giggles flew from her mouth. "You truly are one interesting girl Mitch, and you keep changing, and I keep loving you."

"You're different too." She smiled as he blushed as well, both their faces red as can be. Mitchie found her hand guiding itself to Shane's, and lacing her fingers with his.

"I still see the old you in there."

"Well, this is me." They both laughed and their faces inched closer, "somewhere in here."

"Well then, I guess I gotta find you." She grinned and his song flowed into her head. A flash of them at Final Jam came crashing in, and her smile grew even more and she felt the energy between them, it tingled on her lips and forced her to inch closer, their eyes locked on each other's. Finally, as if it was never going to come, his lips met hers and she kissed back with all the passion she could conjure. His free hand flew to her face, holding her cheek before sliding to the back of her head, pulling her lips closer. She pulled back and started gasping; he smiled also short of breath.

"Let's talk, for now, at least." She said and he nodded, "we have all this right now, then why did we break up, why didn't we find our way back together like we always did?"

"I don't know, and I regret ever thinking I could let you go." She nodded her agreement.

"I just couldn't face another apology that would just lead to more pain and love that kept tearing us apart and bringing us back together."

_I didn't wanna say I'm sorry,_

_For breakin' us apart._

"I know, and I knew it was my fault, with the way we argued and I said things I never meant, and everything." Mitchie looked up from their entwined hands and saw the pain in his eyes.

_I didn't wanna say it was my fault_

_Even though I knew it was._

"We never did anything the last time, we both seemed to think it was over, but I guess deep down we both knew it wasn't, but we tried hard as we could to make it that way." She articulated, trying to make sense of it in her head.

_I didn't wanna call you back,_

"I knew I was wrong for doing that." He whispered to her, wiping tears from her cheeks, but they kept flowing anyway.

'_Cause I knew that I was wrong_

"_Yeah, I knew I was wrong." _She forced from her tightening throat as she saw tears start to well in his eyes as they kept flowing from hers.

"Stop crying Mitch, please." He begged through his own tears and more poured from her eyes.

"It was always the same; we hurt each other, but we couldn't break away from the amazing love between us, and we're doing it again."

_One in the same,_

_Never to change, _

_Our love was beautiful._

_We had it all,_

_Destined to fall,_

_Our love was tragical_

"I wanted so much to speak to you again." He forced.

"I know, but it doesn't matter now." She soothed.

"I wanted to call you like I did every other time, but I couldn't find it in me to pull you back in and let us get hurt again and again." He pushed on and she shook her head.

"Stop, I already know that." He pushed the fallen hair from her eyes and wiped more tears from her cheeks.

_Wanted to call,_

_No need to fight,_

_You know I wouldn't lie,_

She reached her lips to his and he could taste the tears on her lips, she pulled back and fell into his embrace, letting herself sob into him. He wrapped around her, soothingly rubbing her back and placing his chin on her head.

_But tonight,_

_We'll leave it on the line._

"I'm sorry I encouraged us to keep the world at our feet, when I knew we would break up again." She just cried into his chest and nodded.

_Listen baby;_

_Never would've said forever,_

_If I knew we'd end so fast._

"Why did I keep loving you then? We both said we were in love, we both knew none of it could last." She sobbed to him.

_Why did you say I love you,_

_If you knew that it wouldn't last?_

"And we knew it too. We knew we we're breaking up."

_Baby, I can't hear what you're saying,_

_The line is breaking up._

_Or is that just us,_

_Or is that just us?_

"Mitchie pulled away from him wiping her eyes, and crushed her lips back to his. The world was back at her feet, and she loved feeling on top. She loved his touch, and his voice. She got her legs to the couch, getting on her knees, leaning over Shane. He was pulling her into him, breaking away for air, but gluing his lips right back where they belonged.

_One in the same,_

_Never to change,_

_Our love was beautiful._

_We had it all,_

_Destined to fall,_

_Our love was tragical._

_Wanted to call,_

_No need to fight,_

_You know I wouldn't lie,_

_But tonight,_

_We'll leave it on the line. _

She felt all her tears just go away as she continued to kiss him. He tangled his fingers in her hair; they both felt the tension between them and played on it. Never once did Sam cross her mind.

"I tired so hard to get a hold of you after awhile, but I never could." He panted in between kisses, finally overpowering her and leaning her back on the arm of the couch.

_Try to call again,_

_I get your mailbox,_

_Like a letter left unread._

"No need to apologize, it doesn't matter now. It's not like it will fix anything, we have to start over." She huffed into his lips, pulling away as he kissed her neck, giving her breathing time.

_Apologies are often open ended,_

_But this one's better left unsaid._

She pulled his head back up, touching their lips back together and wrapping her arms around him.

_One in the same,_

_Never to change,_

_Our love was beautiful._

_We had it all,_

_Destined to fall,_

_Our love was tragical._

_Wanted to call,_

_No need to fight,_

_You know I wouldn't lie,_

_But tonight,_

_We'll leave it on the line._

She enjoyed every feeling she had at that moment, he was at last there in her arms and she had all she could ever want. Her mind was reeling with scrambled thoughts; Shane was there, they we're breaking trust with close ones, becoming closer with each other; she couldn't stop from wanting him more and more. She could see them being together forever. Every upcoming moment of her life only seemed to be able to be possible with Shane. Mitchie never wanted to let him go and then Sam popped right into her head.

"Stop." She divulged, breaking from his lips.

"What's wrong?" he asked searching her face for an answer, both of them panting uncontrollably, Mitchie found a way out from underneath him and he sat up, and she slouched into the couch. She wiped sweat and new tears from her face, and adjusted the shirt on her shaking and heavily breathing body.

"Sam," she murmured. He slouched back, catching his breath and turning his head to hers.

"You feel guilty, and so do I." he groaned. "But why now, why after you said you knew it was wrong and you didn't care. I'm just trying to make you happy." She glanced to him and had to look away before a cry could escape her lips.

"I hate that I'm hurting him. I do love him, but what I have with him isn't like what I have with you, and I'm doing all can from exploding with confusion." She stuttered, her panting calming down, but her tears forcing through.

"Whatever you want to do Mitch, I will go along with it. If you want me to leave, I'll go, if you want me to say, of course I'll stay. What do you want?"

"I want both, but I can't have both can I? I can't not hurt Sam and still be with you." She moaned looking back to him, confusion and pleading overwhelming her face; she grabbed his hand, "help me please."

"I can't, that's a choice you have to make on your own, do I want to tell you to be with me? Hell yes, but if you feel like Sam is the way to go, then believe it or not, that's what I'll make you do." She shook her head profusely.

"Don't leave this up to me." She whimpered, and he nodded, letting her know he had to. She shook her head again. "I love you," she whispered, "go home to Nate and Jason, I need to think and you're all I can think about with you sitting right there." He indicated agreement and stood up. She got up as well, both of them stealing a look at each other. Mitchie pressed her lips to his; he grasped her hips and pulled her back.

"Think tonight." He whispered, before pulling her in for one more kiss, she grabbed him as he went to turn away and he shook his head. "I love you too." He planted a kiss on her forehead and flew out the door leaving Mitchie still as can be, her arm still reaching out for him. Her hand went to her mouth and she let out a sob, her body shook and trembled as more sobs swamped her.

She was stranded again, everything she knew was circling around her, and she had to pull what was right back in. She wanted to just run after Shane, but the guilt of harming Sam was keeping her put. She was stuck between right and wrong or wrong and right. Which one was which, she wasn't sure. Everything in her life was at risk, her marriage with Sam, her love with Shane, and her emotional state, it was all one the line.

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okey-dokey!!! haha, well i hope you liked it, PLEASE REVIEW, haha i know that's greedy, but i really love reading your responses.....school starts in two days, so updates wont be as frequent :(...but keep reading, and i am in the middle of the next chapter for Finding a New Light, i'm sorry it's taking so long, i just didn't know what to do next....but anway, hope it was awesome, and can't wait to right the rest for you guys......


	7. Facade of Smiles

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Chapter 7!!!!!!! this one kinda just explains the past, and what should be the future........? haha anyway, sorry if it's in anyway boring

still only own sam and cate :(

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Mitchie found herself crying over her piano, her fingers sliding from the tear dripped keys. She picked her fallen head back up and wiped the tears before playing a few simple chords and shaking her head. She looked around, her and Sam had a whole room dedicated to music; a piano, guitars, and a drum set. At that moment, the room was only slightly lit, morning starting to dawn. She hadn't been able to get adequate sleep so the music room was her sanctuary. She tried to get the music from her head, hitting key after key. None of the notes and harmonies fit, she exhaled and crashed her hands down, and the discordant sound filled the still room. She did it again, discords fitting her position better then well composed melodies. She sighed and once again dropped her hands to the keys, some of her pain lifting from her shoulders. She did it again and again until she felt completely satisfied and the notes faded away into the darkest corners of the room.

Mitchie wished she could join them in the darkness; it might be a whole lot better than her life. She was caught in the middle of the whirlwind drama and it was starting to spin faster and faster, and she was trying to keep up, but she was growing tired and she wanted it all to stop. She rested her head on her arm that was conveniently on the piano. Her free hand found its way to the lowest key, hitting each one as her fingers walked up the octaves. Each note hit her ears loud and made her head throb in pain, but she continued until she reached where her head was resting. She closed her eyes and Shane's face was there, then it was replaced by Sam, her heart thudded and she breathed in heavily, tremors from her sobs tiring her body. She slowly drifted to sleep.

Her dream captivated her; she was backstage at Final Jam, walking down stairs, a bright smile radiating her face. Her parents, bright and congratulating, intervened her space of being happy alone. She was grateful when they left; she had so much to think about. Shane appeared in front of her, but she was perfectly okay with it, he was the only thing that could make her even happier than she already was. He said a few things, and she responded, she didn't take in all of their words; she was too busy looking at his seventeen year old face, remembering all the good times and how that face was her everything to her then, maybe it still was. She reached up and stroked her hair, she was back in her fifteen almost sixteen year old self. It felt weird, but so right.

"You up for a canoe ride later?" he asked, grinning at her. She nodded.

"I wouldn't miss it." She beamed to him.

Then she was out on the water, crickets chirping around her, the water was still. She looked to Shane; he was watching her, smiling. She smiled back.

"So, I was the voice?" she asked suddenly, focused on him, the world fading away from her. He laughed, and nodded.

"I guess so, you know it's crazy but up until I heard you, all my intentions were to get away from this place." He said and she beamed at him. It was silent again, both of them looked down, even though it was a chilly night, Mitchie's cheeks were warm and the red was flushing to them. Then he took her hand, and she looked up, he just smiled at her and her cheeks got brighter. His touch was perfect, they're hands seemed to mold together.

Some words were exchanged, but they kept finding ways back to an awkward silence. Shane leaned in and Mitchie was shocked, but instinctively she leaned forward. He took one last good look at her before he reached his lips to hers and she instinctively kissed back. They both pulled away, and nervously she pulled a strand of hair from her face to behind her ear and looked away.

"I'm sorry, was that okay?" he asked, concerned she didn't like him that way, and kissing her was a mistake.

"No it was perfectly fine." She watched as his face lit up and she leaned back closer to him, "in fact…" she kissed him and he put his hand on her knee, leaning into the kiss. She closed her eyes and let the feeling of him sink in and fill her whole body. She knew that this moment would change her life forever.

Then the scene changed around her and she was standing with her arms crossed, looking at Shane. She felt the anger and rage rushing through her body; Shane had a confused look on his face.

"You're late again." She shot at him, the words sour in her mouth. He opened his mouth to reply, but she was quick to cut him off, "don't tell me, the interview went longer than you thought, or maybe you were stuck in traffic, wait, I got it; picking your next tour outfit is more important than me. I don't care if you had a good excuse, you could have at least warned me, like texting or something, but no, I was stuck waiting for thirty minutes and you weren't showing up. Do you know how embarrassing that is? To have my family waiting to share a lovely dinner with you, but you ruin it, just like – just like you've ruined…" her voice decrecendoed and tears escaped her eyes and fell down her cheeks. She looked away feeling the pain washing over her.

"Mitch, I said I'm sorry, stop being this way, we made it through dinner, why are you freaking out now? And what have I ruined?" he tried to apologize again, his words were jumbled and mixed with confusion, but the anger was starting to show.

"My life Shane, alright, you've ruined my life." She blurted out; he laughed a sarcastic sort of laugh and looked to her.

"I've ruined your life, really?"

"Yes Shane, all the fights, all the break-ups, all the things we've both done wrong." She turned her back on him, walking to her dresser, and swiping a picture from it. She looked at the picture; they were embracing, looking deep in each other's eyes and smiling. 'I can't take it anymore!"

"Then why haven't you left me yet?" he asked glancing at the picture, and looking back and forth between the picture and her. It had been a little over five years since they first met at Camp Rock. They had broken up and been back together plenty of times; they both threw harsh words and then tried to make up for them. It was catching up with her and her breakdown was finally there.

"Because I love you." She muttered, "And not just some silly first love, but an intense, deep-in-love love." He stepped closer to her and she treaded back, gripping the picture tighter in her hand, as though she was trying to hold on to the memory, to hold on to happiness, to hold on to him.

"And yet I'm ruining your life, could you be anymore bipolar?" he flung at her, she looked to him and all her emotions took over her face; confusion, fury, and sadness.

"Get out!" she retorted, her pointed hand showing him the way to her downtown apartment bedroom door. He pushed her arm down and shook his head.

"No Mitchie, we are talking about this, you're overreacting, like always." He cried, and she scrunched her face up in anger.

"And you're under reacting." She muttered under her breath, he ignored it.

"If we are in as much love as you say, we can fix this, we have before." He stepped closer again, and she took another step back.

"That's just the thing, we've gone through this too many times, and we can't change anything now." She huffed, and his eyebrows rose in agreement, but he was still going to try to not lose her.

"Just believe in us, believe in the fact we can fix it." He pleaded. She, just trying to hold back from letting out a sob, licked her lips, they were salty from tears, she didn't realize how much she was crying, and she saw his tears too.

"I can't keep believing when I know I'm gonna get hurt again. I've believed I'll make it somewhere." she glanced to the floor, unable to look at him, his gaze was too intense and his eyes were trying to hold her in, but she had to break away.

"And you have, and you still have so many places to go, you're so talented." He told her and she nodded, but she was still so mad at him, and everything they've gone through.

"We can't be together anymore, sorry." She sobbed, she tried to dodge around him, but he blocked her from her escape.

"Yes we can." He argued, "I love you more than you could know, don't give that up." He took her hand, begging with all his power. She yanked her hand back.

"I said get out; you're making this harder than it needs to be." She yelled, all hell breaking loose.

"No, Mitchie, I'm not. We're making this work out." He practically yelled this at her, like it was an order and not the sad cry of desperation it really was. She shook her head and wiped a few tears.

"Leave," she said quietly, he shook his head, she grew louder, "please leave, we're over." He continued to shake his head and it took her all she had to not cry and run to his arms, ready to let it be okay. She knew that letting him back in would be great at first, but then he would do something stupid, or she'd do something wrong and they'd be right back to where they are, and have been before. "I'm not saying it again, leave." Her words elevated in volume and he continued to try to convince her to stay with him. She almost broke down and said yes when she saw the pleading and pain in his eyes. She inhaled deeply and shook her head profusely, trying to shake off any string still connecting her to him; it was the hardest thing she had ever had to do in her life, but she knew there was no sense in hurting him or herself again.

"I'm not leaving you Mitch." He argued with all his heart and the tears were pouring and pouring from her eyes and down her cheeks.

"I can't take you anymore, I can't take this rocky relationship, and I want you out of my life now!" it took all her power to say that, those were the words she thought she would never tell Shane Grey. He gave her a long look before turning and walking to her door. He looked back at her.

"Are you sure about this?" She nodded, tears cascading down her cheeks. He asked again and she nodded once more only to have him ask if she was positive.

"Leave, now," she whispered, he asked once more if she thought she was doing what she thought was right. "leave!" she shouted, and in a instant she threw the picture frame from her hand, it hit her guitar, which was proudly resting on the wall next to her door, a terrified look passed his face and her guitar thudded to the floor. There was a high squeal of a noise and a pop as one of the strings broke upon contact with the ground.

"Shit," she mumbled running to her guitar, she kneeled down, glass surrounding her. She glanced up to Shane, he was doing all he could to not cry in front of her or beg her anymore to rethink her decision; he knew she wanted him gone, so he was going to leave, understanding what she said about getting hurt again.

"Goodbye Shane," she whispered, he nodded and gave her one last look over before turning.

"I love you." She heard him say as he walked away from her, walked away from them, walked away from his true love, her life was drastically changed once more, except for this time the pieces were falling apart instead of finally coming together.

Mitchie woke up and the piano played a few notes as she sat up. She rubbed her eyes and looked around, the room was brighter, and it hurt her eyes until they adjusted. She had just dreamt about the first time she truly fell in love with Shane, and the last time they broke up, leaving her devastated and filled with sorrow. She didn't remember hearing him say he loved her when it actually happened, but the more she thought about it, she did remember hearing him say something as he walked away. She smiled at this and then her frown came back. She had thrown their favorite picture; she had thrown it _at _him. She remembered picking up the glass, and her mom had come to ask her what had happened but she had pushed her away and gotten mad at her as well; she pushed everyone away once she left Shane, finding it was better to be alone if she couldn't be with him.

The frame was ruined, her guitar was fixed, and the picture was cut, that's how she remembered it. The picture wasn't completely cut, but it was slightly damaged. She had thrown it away, but as far as she knew Shane still had had his copy, what he did with it, she never found out. She even contemplated the fact that he might still have it. She had pushed that memory from her mind, but it had come back in a dream, she wondered if there was a meaning to it. She had also tried to forget the canoe ride, but it also came back, her dream was confusing her. Was she supposed to remember falling for him, or breaking his – and her – heart?

She placed her hands back on the piano, and the start of a song instantly flowed, no lyrics popped in her mind yet, but the sound of the piano had a calming sense and she kept playing, fixing and changing parts before it got better and better. The key was minor, the black keys sounded so perfect; they matched all her emotions.

"That's really good." She immediately stopped and turned to the door, Sam was there, he was back from his camping trip.

"Thanks," she blushed, gently brushing her hands over the keys, looking down at the piano. Sam walked over to her and sat on the bench next to her.

"We're you crying?" he asked, she looked away and rubbed her cheeks, and blinked her eyes; she was crying before she fell asleep, she assumed her song brought more tears.

"Um, yeah, I guess. I just woke up from a really bad dream, that's all." She said, he laughed slightly, and she laughed along.

"You fell asleep at the piano?" he joked and she just nodded, giggling a little.

"I didn't really sleep last night." He nodded and the room filled with silence. He pecked her cheek and told her he missed her.

"Missed you too." She said half-heartedly, he didn't seem to notice, he was too busy inching in for a kiss, which she gave him. Something in the feel of his lips was comforting, after being so confused, waking from a crazy dream. But the guilt was in her body, she was kissing him after being with Shane, for the first time, she felt disgusted with herself. She was_ cheating_ on him. She felt better once he broke away. She couldn't believe what she was doing, once she understood what she was doing. It's not like she didn't already know, but finally processing it was putting her on the edge. Before Sam could notice her confused and worried face they heard Cate start crying. He hopped up and went to go get her.

Lost in a daze, Mitchie walked downstairs to the kitchen, Sam and Cate right behind her. She smiled to her daughter and poured herself and Sam cereal while he placed Cate in her highchair.

"Here's some for you too, Cate." She said sprinkling Cheerios to the highchair table-top.

"Cate?" Sam questioned. Mitchie looked confused for a second and the she smiled.

"Yeah, it suits her better, Shane and I decided that." She replied running her fingers through her messy hair, looking down at the mention of Shane before Sam could see her smile. She quickly stopped smiling and looked up for Sam's response.

"Yeah, you're right; Cate does seem to fit her better. Cate it is." Mitchie smiled at him and he smiled back. "When did the guys leave?" Mitchie almost chocked on her cereal, was she going to tell him Shane stayed longer than Nate and Jason? She was hoping he wouldn't ask that question.

"We had dinner, but they had to go to the studio, something was messed up." She looked at her bowl; stirring her cereal around, hoping Sam wouldn't notice her face, or voice. Whenever she lied, you could usually tell by the way her voice changed, and her face got a worried look on it.

"Oh, I see. Well hopefully they can come over again; Nate's a pretty cool guy." He replied, she relaxed at his oblivion and looked up from her still swirling breakfast.

"Yeah, you seem to have a lot in common." She mumbled, still curious about her dream and what it was trying to tell her. Was she supposed to follow the amazing feelings in the first part of the dream? Or was she supposed to take note of the pain of the second part? Was she meant to be with Shane or to stay away from him? Maybe she was supposed to come to the conclusion that it was perfect, but turned out messed up and painful. She decided not to think about it anymore.

Sam took hold of her hand and she looked up at him.

"Watcha thinking about?" he asked.

"Nothing." She responded, well it was the truth; she wasn't – anymore.

"Ok" he brushed his thumb over her hand and grinned, "So, what do you say we go to dinner tonight?" she laughed a little and looked at him.

"Tonight?" In way she didn't want to go, but she wasn't going to say that.

"Yes." he nodded and she laughed again.

"Really? And why should we do that?" He leaned over the table and she leaned in as well, feeling obliged to. He nodded his head, signaling her to come over to him. She raised her eyebrows, but let go of his hand and walked over to him anyway. He patted his lap and she sat down across it. He smiled and wrapped his arms around her. She put her head down, here she was again; guilt ridden for being with Shane, but as guilty as she was she couldn't help but wish it was Shane's lap she was in.

"Well why not? I've made reservations." She heard the undertone in his voice; of course he wanted what was after dinner. Then he leaned to her ear, "your favorite restaurant, plus guess where else we have reservations?" she pulled back a little.

"If you say our room I will probably hit you." She giggled and he laughed too, and pretended to look confused and innocent. She crawled out of his lap and slapped his shoulder.

"Sam!" she giggled some more and pulled Cate from her highchair.

"What?" he laughed, pulling her back down on his lap and pecking Cate's cheek. Then he turned to Mitchie and pushed his lips to hers making her bump back into the table. Cate clapped her small hands together and giggled. Mitchie pulled back and was unable to push away the image of Shane that immediately popped into her head.

"Okay, dinner." She said pulling herself together and standing back up.

"And?" he pushed on. She rolled her eyes and walked from the kitchen, leaning her head back in the doorway. "Your mom already said she would babysit all night if she had to." Mitchie rolled her eyes again and shook her head.

"Dinner and we'll see what goes from there. But I'm only promising dinner, in fact I'm only really planning on dinner." She teased him, but it was the truth. There wasn't any way she could go through with what Sam wanted that night and not feel guilty. She turned and left Sam slouching back in his chair and completely astounded and laughing.

"You're a mean wife!" he playfully called after her.

"Oh, I can be mean." She joked back setting Cate in front of the television and turning it on to Playhouse Disney. Then it hit her, she was being the meanest mean she could possibly be towards Sam; she was a cheater.

Mitchie plopped down to the couch and smiled as Cate sang along to the Little Einsteins theme song and bobbed her head to the music.

"She's definitely your daughter." Sam claimed strolling over to the couch and snuggling his wife into the arm of couch.

"Move over." She told him, he scooted to the side, just the wrong one.

"There." He teased.

"Seriously, you're squishing me." She giggled and he finally moved but still kept her close.

"Don't you love me?" he joked between pecks on her cheek. This time she rolled her eyes to keep herself from crying, she did love him so much, but she also loved Shane and Sam had to go and unconsciously make her even more sad and guilty than she should be. She knew everything she was doing was wrong, she knew she shouldn't be doing it, she knew it was immoral, and she knew there was no way she could change the way she fell and was still falling for Shane. Sam was trying to catch her, and he thought he had her and it was all said and done. The truth was that Shane was the only one who could keep her from falling to the ground. She was seeping through Sam's fingers and he didn't even know. She was trying to hold on, trying to kick off the force she created, the force that was pulling her away from Sam and to Shane.

"I do love you, but I also love to breathe." She finally managed to answer, and then she switched the topic, "so what time are our reservations tonight?" he continued to tenderly place his lips to her cheek.

"Six-thirty, are you excited?" his lips took a break to answer but they immediately found themselves back to her cheek, inching to her lips.

"You could say that." She hurriedly answered before he met his lips to hers. He kept putting her higher up on her crashing pedestal. She didn't deserve to be treated so well. That was what was tearing her apart, the fact that because what she was doing was something to hide; he treated her perfect because he didn't know any better. He really should've been furious with her, but he couldn't be loving her more.

"You look beautiful." Sam complimented over dinner, taking Mitchie's hand from across the table.

"It's not gonna work." She recoiled, he laughed.

"Why?" it was her turn to laugh.

"I'm just not in the mood." She smiled to him and sipped her wine.

"Well, if it means anything; you really do look beautiful." he beamed to her; she grinned to herself and then smiled to him.

"Thanks," she whispered. Something inside her lit up and she felt the heat of happiness rush through her body. Once again, Sam and his loving ways, she just continued to smile at him. She wanted to flip out, she wanted to tell him he should be hating her, he should be mad; she was cheating on him. She couldn't keep living with his praise and love when she was continuing to think about Shane. Shane, with his warming smile, his personality, his perfect eyes, the way he loved her with all his heart, and she had nothing to do but feel the same towards him. It was then Mitchie decided that the only way she would feel better about it all was if she told Sam that she had kissed Shane, then he would be mad and she would be able to feel something other than the need and want for Shane. She would feel the quilt when she saw Sam's reaction; she would be able to feel a weight being lifted. Plus, if Sam knew he would never let her see Shane again, so there was no way she could possibly fall even more in love with him and eventually she would just forget again, or well push him from her mind, completely forgetting him was out of the question.

"So, I have something important to tell you." Sam said, breaking their stare of smiles.

"And I need to tell you something." She responded finally breaking from his eyes and looking down, it was the moment her world would come crashing down and she would be able to feel so much better. "You first, though."

"So you remember when I was in for that professor at the college?" she nodded that she remembered and he continued, his smile growing, "well, he is permanently out, and they want me to replace him."

"Sam that's great!" she immediately praised, setting her wine glass down.

"Best part is the money! So much more than we make now, plus it's a steady job for once. Those college years paid off, I am now a professor of music." He continued to rant, Mitchie just laughed with him. She looked at his bubbly, bright face and realized she could never tell him about Shane, especially not after he just told her exciting news and he was so happy. She frowned for a moment, but put her smile back on so he wouldn't notice; so much he never noticed as long as she was wearing a smile. That façade of a smile hid all her frowns and problems; she even tried to use the grin to hide them from herself.

"I'm so proud of you." She commended. They leaned in and a kiss was shared.

"So, what did you have to tell me?" Sam asked. She pulled back and worry panged her inside.

"What?" came her impromptu response.

"You had to tell me something?"

"Oh, right. Just that tonight is perfect and I'm glad you made reservations." The lies shot from her mouth before she could even think of them; her world had become a lie and she was digging herself deeper into the hole she had created with the first kiss with Shane and she couldn't seem to find the way out so she just kept getting farther and farther down. Sam beamed to her and that fake smile crept right back to her lips and covered up the pain, too bad she felt the pain radiating through her body, and took all she had not to let it seep through her eyes. And then, once again, Shane was the only thing keeping her truly happy.

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yay!!!! haha ok, so i hope you enjoyed, even through the boring parts......please review! sorry it's taking longer for updates, school is makin me busy


	8. how is something so pure so bad?

FINALLY!!geez, it's felt like forever! haha, sorry i've been so busy. and, i've been saying shane grey instead of gray...oops, watevs i like grey better! hahaha.....anway, i hope you like it!

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Pain.

Anger.

Sadness.

Depression? Maybe. All Mitchie knew was that it felt like she was locked in a pitch black room. All around her, the only thing she could see was the color of twilight, the color of pain, and that dreaded shade of confusion.

Confusion; that was it. That's all she could think about, how confused she was. In that dark little room of hers she was aware of her surroundings, she knew she was surrounded by decisions, she just couldn't tell which ones were right. All these things, they were around her, but she couldn't see them, but in a way she didn't want to look for the switch, she didn't want to bring in light, she didn't want to see the truth. She knew them well, though, but the future and the outcome were, and always would be, hidden in the shadows. She realized how hard it is to make choices in the dark, you just reach out and grab the one you think is best, but you can't see what will happen.

Shane or Sam.

True love or love.

Ex-boyfriend or present husband.

Right or wrong.

Wrong or right?

Pain or pain.

Sam or Shane.

Mitchie sighed and looked up from the laptop she was blankly staring at. More e-mails, she looked back down and deleted any spam e-mail. Then she responded to the e-mail contacting her about singing at a wedding in the next two weeks, something she's had booked for awhile. She responded and ignored the comment that was made about seeing her on Hot Tunes. She told the giddy bride that she was still planning on singing and talked about other things, like payment and what-not. She sent the e-mail and closed her laptop with a thud.

"Angry?" Sam called from the other side of the room, chuckling a little. She looked up at him and her face was blank, she was just staring at him, he just looked back at her in confusion. "You alright?"

"Oh, um, yea, I'm fine," She shook off the blank expression, "just tired. Not angry." He walked over to her and held her tight, whispering faint 'I love you's' into her hair. For a few days this was how her life had been, too much emotion inside that all that was on the outside was nothing, numbness, and she knew Sam was worrying about her. He did this everyday; just held her and conjured all these sweet things. He pulled away and looked her in the eyes. She wanted to push him away, his gaze was too much, and it was like she was stuck in a room with a million people staring at her.

"Is something wrong? You've been kinda down lately. I can't keep accepting your excuses, tell me what's up." he finally said.

"I told you, I'm fine." She replied, finally looking away. She thought to herself, and then blurted out some words, "I guess just seeing Shane has made me miss being the star I was becoming, I'm just mad I gave that up. That's all." She looked back to him, and she saw the flood of relief in the blue irises staring back at her.

"I see." He muttered before putting his lips to hers and holding her. A kiss, an action of passion, an act Mitchie just played out, she didn't really feel the emotion behind it, but it felt…good. She didn't stop though, she thought that maybe she could remember how much she is in love with Sam, and not think about Shane all the time. She allowed him to gently push her backwards, pushing the seat from the table. She followed his moves, resting all her emotion on him, one wrong move and she could snap, but he knew just how to handle his fragile wife. She followed as he stood her up and turned her so her back collided with the table. Only once had he broken from her lips to breathe. She continued to be his doll, he led so well. She emitted a girlish giggle as he cursed under his breath as one of their lusty movements rammed the table to a wobble which caused Mitchie's condensation covered glass of water to fall from its perch on the table and crack against the tile floor, spilling the ice water to the ground around them.

Soon he had her against the wall, his hand sliding up her thigh, the other naturally resting on her hip. She realized how far this had gone, was this what it was turning into? Just follow him, since obviously her decisions were bad. Just do this so you don't do it with the wrong person?

She focused back to that tingling feeling her skin experienced when his hand was on her body, caressing her the ways he knew she loved. Both his hands now perched on her hips, his lips, his comforting gentle but aggressive, passionate lips caressing her neck. Her arms were wrapped around his neck and he found it time to move them again; he guided them to living room, stopping their migration for a second to lift her from the ground, intuitively she wrapped her shaking legs around his waist.

"Mitchie?" he gasped. She opened her tightly shut eyes and looked at his face; his lips wore a confident, cunning, goose bump creating smile, and his eyes were ablaze with the passion within him.

"Yeah?" she panted. He wiped dampened hair from her forehead and fully smiled at her.

"Never mind," he replied, she nodded and kissed his forehead, "well, um, I'm not sure how to say what I want." He had trouble getting out his words, his breathing was heavy. "Just wondering if we're goin' all the way." She giggled and gave him a look, but she didn't have an answer; she just bit her bottom lip, searching for the answer in his eyes, and she knew what he wanted.

"Sam…" she couldn't find what to say so she forced her lips to his, and taking that as a yes, he reached his hands to the hem of her shirt and tugged it up. She got to her own feet and her shirt was pulled over her head and carelessly tossed to the floor. He quickly found her lips again after his own shirt had been tossed to the side. His fingers entwined in her wavy hair and she couldn't stop the small moan she made when he bit her bottom lip.

She was well experienced, and knew exactly what she was doing, but she wasn't sure mentally what was going on. She didn't necessarily feel horrible anymore, she felt loved. She didn't understand why she wasn't washed over with guilt or flooded with thoughts of Shane. Now, she was thinking about him, but she wanted Sam to keep kissing her, she wanted him to be that passionate person he is.

He untangled his hands from her hair and her body was thudded to the wall. She felt his grin on her lips and in some odd, quick moment he had found a way to easily get to the ground, having her laying on him, but he quickly made sure he was on top, straddling her hips, his knees digging into the ground next to her, pinning her down. His warm, soft hand moved up her stomach to the front of her bra, where the snap was located. She continued to gasp for air as his fingers crawled their way to the snap that once undone would send him to bliss. Her heart pounded in her chest, but he drew back his hand and she found herself groaning in displeasure, he gave a slight chuckle, and watching her heaving chest he brought his hand back to the clasp and she gave a small seductive smile as he looked to her face and jokingly, but as seductively as she could she licked her lips.

"Shit," he laughed, "that was actually quite hot." She giggled along, blushing; reddening her already flushed cheeks. He quickly reached for the clasp of her sweat dampened bra. A loud, unexpected ding chimed through the house. _Shane _echoed through her head, now, after all they had just done she thought of him, even though it couldn't be him at the door. Almost instinctively they both crawled behind the barricade of a couch and laughed; an image of perfect sweethearts, but we all have secrets, don't we? Mitchie reached for her shirt and threw it on.

She giggled at Sam, "You're not answering the door with a boner like that." He shrugged his shoulders and composing herself Mitchie strode to the door and opened it. She practically gasped, but she was unable to utter the smallest sound; her mouth hung open, and her heart began to thud again. Her mind scrambled and she just took a small step back.

"Shane?" Shane leaned closer to her, but his eye caught the sight of the shirtless Sam standing conveniently behind the couch, and he just hugged her, bringing his lips to her ear.

"What's wrong?" he asked, she choked on her words, and regretfully felt a few tears tread down her still warm, sweaty face.

"I – nothing, why are you here?" she shut the door as she let him pass her. Shane looked between Sam and Mitchie and Mitchie, staring him down wondering what reason could have brought him here, pleaded that he wouldn't really notice. He eyed Mitchie's still slightly trembling, and not to mention sweaty body, where her yoga pants were still a little skewed. He then looked in her eyes, and she looked away before she could cry.

"Are you crying?" Sam asked her.

"No, well yeah, from laughing, I guess." She responded looking back to Shane, waiting for his explanation. Maybe he would be better at explanations then her, considering her last one was completely impromptu, and a lie. So she mentally composed herself and wiped the few tears before more could fall. It was her turn to look between people, her eyes bouncing from Shane to Sam, her well, she wasn't exactly sure what to call Shane, and her husband, in the same room, and Shane wasn't stupid, so it was an awkward situation. Plus, it was emotionally hard for Mitchie to deal with.

"I just – well we just wanted to stop by on our way out of here." Shane explained at last, "the guys will be here any minute. I hope its ok?"

"It's fine." Sam joined the conversation when Mitchie didn't respond, "I'm just gonna run upstairs really fast and jump in the shower." And he took off, obviously avoiding the awkward situation and unbeknownst making it more so for Mitchie. Silently she led Shane further into the living room, and even though she saw it, she prayed to God that he didn't glance at the ground long enough to see Sam's shirt.

There was a loud silence between them.

"It's kind of rude to just drop in on us, you know?" Mitchie shot out at him, but all she could emit was a whisper. They looked at each other as they each sat down on the couch, Shane placing himself a little too close to Mitchie and she wanted to move away but she couldn't, like a magnet she was attracted to him.

"I know, I'm sorry." She gave an 'apology accepted because I have no choice but to love seeing you,' smile. "I just had to see you one last time, and the guys want to see you, too."

"Alright, just call next time." She meant to be stern but it came out light as a breath, but dense with the love she couldn't strain out of it.

"So…" he trailed off as she caught his eye and her heart involuntarily skipped a beat, and she quickly shook her head. He inched his face closer and she pulled away.

"No, Shane." She urged out.

"Why? He's upstairs." She just looked at him and saw into his need and raw emotion, and she was sure he saw into hers as well, "or is it because…because you were just – just – fucking him?!"

"Shane!" her voice cracked and she suddenly grew angry.

"What? I know you know I noticed, don't act like nothing was going on between you two." Both their flames of love turned to sparks of anger.

"We are married, like I said don't just barge in on us! God, you didn't have to be like that. Okay, yes, we were – making out – but I couldn't help it." She was spitting out word after word, both of them full of angry energy, but she felt the love boiling underneath. It was like yelling at a pet because you're supposed to punish them, but you feel bad for being mean and you really just want to love them as much as you can. "I can't explain why I do anything anymore! I don't know how to live, I just let others, – you, – Sam make my decisions, because I don't know what to do, and I shouldn't do what I want. I let him kiss me; I let you back into my life with as much, if not more, love as ever." She paused for a moment as her throat executed that hatful feeling of slight choking as you hold back tears, so she let them fall; Shane's seen her cry enough times already, so she didn't care. "And I feel like I'm falling apart even though everyone around me is trying to hold me in, and believe they've done just that. I need to know what to do, and what to – what to – to…feel." Her voice lowered and she fell into his comforting embrace. That's how their love always was; the smallest thing made them angry as hell and pushed them apart, but they couldn't resist the urges to run back, and they couldn't shield the love that there was no denying of.

When you realize you're too over the line in love with someone, you can never seem to get out and nothing is ever going to stop the feelings. That's how Shane was. He was like her personal cigarette; she knew it was wrong, she knew she was only hurting herself, but it was an addiction and it felt so good.

"Mitch, I'm sorry. It's all my fault." He held her tight, cradling her shaking body.

"No, it's not. It's mine. It's both of ours, mostly mine." She lifted her swirling head off his chest and gazed into his eyes, but she looked away, not wanting her breakdown to be any more painful "We're the most stupid people I've ever met." She released a small laugh, and he chuckled, both falling silent as their eyes met.

"You know, I'm not here to hurt you, I want you to have everything you want, the way you want it." He held her gaze, telling her this with all the feeling he could.

"I know, but – " she began but the doorbell chimed, pulling her from Shane's arms and to the door, opening it up and letting Nate and Jason in. They walked back to the living room in silence, Nate falling behind to be next to Mitchie.

"I hate seeing you like this, and I _always_ see you like this." He whispered to her, placing himself in her path, holding her shoulders tight in his grip.

"What, Nate?"

"This is wrong, and its hurting you and you can't keep doing it." He scolded softly.

"_What_, Nate?" she choked back her tears and looked to his face.

"Mitchie, I know you and Shane and –"

"No! Because I don't know me! So you don't know me! I can't take this!" her harsh whispers grew angry with a mental breakdown. Nate shook his head and gave a face of appalled curiosity. "Nate, I'm breaking down, and it's my fault, so I don't need you telling me what I'm doing, just please don't."

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" he rebutted, widening his eyes in a matter-of-fact sort of way. She inhaled sharply clenching her whole body tightly shutting her eyes, letting the emotion flow in, and then she exhaled, relaxing her muscles and looking back to Nate.

"I'm sorry, but I just need someone to tell me it's all alright."

"You know I can't do that, because I love you too much to lie to you, and too much too see you hurt like this."

"Please, not now." She huffed out these words and stepped around him walking back to the living room to be greeted by Shane, Jason, Sam, and Cate, who must've woken up from her nap. She gave a pathetic little smile and plopped her overwhelmed body down next her husband and daughter and Sam leaned to her ear.

"You know, cold showers are the worst." He smirked; she rolled her eyes and looked back to the awkward situation before her. Her mind started whirling around again, thought after thought. She felt like her eyes were pried wide open, trying to bring everything in.

It was a feeling that she couldn't put a name on. It was like all these things were happening but she was unaware. She had no feelings anymore, but the emotion in her life was so strong. She clearly watched through clouded eyes, that's how it had been for her; she just walked through the steps of each day, but completely devoid of any real feeling. She understood everything around her, but couldn't find a way to feel the emotion it was supposed to bring. Like, with Sam, it pleased her, physically, but mentally she just acknowledged it and went through every little action. It's like going to your favorite place, but you're unable to really deeply feel the emotion, you just play out the acts of happiness, because that's how it's supposed to be; there's no feeling deep down, it's like a barren waste land, just waiting hopelessly for something that has the slimmest possibility of happening. Her mind was an empty spool, reeling and reeling, but nothing was there to bring in, and the burning of endless turning was reaching her heart.

"That is a great idea, don't you think so too, Mitchie?" Sam's voice was abnormally raucous to her hazy, unfocused ears, and it brought her out of her head and back to reality.

"What is?" she felt stupid asking but she had to.

Sam eyed her weirdly and then spoke once again. "The guys wanted to hear the beautiful song you were writing the other day, remember that song?"

"Oh, well, ok." She wasn't sure she remembered the song well enough, but she had written it down so she guessed she might as well play it. Sam scooped up Cate who began crying, because he had pulled her from her toys.

"It's ok, don't you wanna hear mommy play piano?" Sam suggested softly to the precious blonde, red and wet eyed toddler in his arms. Cate almost immediately calmed down and a smile played across her lips.

"I'm guessing she's gonna be like her mom." Shane thought aloud while chuckling his harmonious laugh.

"Oh, you have no idea." Sam responded and Mitchie just smirked slightly and then the guys began to follow Sam upstairs and Mitchie slowly trailed behind.

"Hey, I'm sorry about earlier. Are you okay?" Shane leaned his face closer to hers as they walked. His closeness felt so good for Mitchie and unintentionally she caught his eyes and gazed into them, her lips slightly ajar her mind swirling, if it wasn't love what was it? Obsession, _insanity. _She blinked quickly, and twisted her head away.

"Not really, but I'm sure you're not either. How is something so pure, so bad?" he agreed with a nod and she went on, "maybe we're over thinking, or under thinking, but we aren't thinking straight." Her hands twirled softly in emotional movements, "I need time to think this through, and we need time."

"What are you saying?"

"I don't know." And they stopped talking as Mitchie walked through the door to the music room and everyone stood about the piano waiting for the song to be played.

She sat at the bench and flipped through the pages of the book filled with melodies and lyrics that may as well have been her diary until she reached the page she wanted.

"I don't have much, at all, but here we go." And her fingers danced upon the keys and forced out those secret notes that were her feelings and emotions, and soon enough that small inadequate journal entry ended at an awkward time, a feeling that said there needed to be more. Mitchie's gasp caught in her throat as an all too familiar, all too pleasing voice sang out into the emptiness.

"If it's so pure then why is it so bad?" Shane adlibbed a perfect melody and everyone stared at him, and the same melody up an octave echoed from a new voice.

"And now I'm sure I'm going mad." The stares bounced to Mitchie and she stared straight at Shane her glance never breaking and she continued, "Please just save me from this misery."

"'Cuz I'm so afraid we'll be history, and this isn't the way – " Excitement rang in the depths of Shane's voice.

"– It's supposed to end." Mitchie's a cappella voice rang through the still, curiosity filled air with perfect notes ending in a perfect high E flat that faded into the corners.

"Wow," Sam spoke everyone's mind, "how did you guys do that?" Mitchie's face broke into a smile, a real smile, the first real smile she had grinned in quite some time, and Shane's much too perfect lips mirrored her, and they looked back to everyone else, Mitchie's eyes wanted to look at him again, but she held her smiling face at anyone else but him. Her grinning lips tickled with an urge for Shane's, her arms pained with a feeling for his, her mind went in circles.

"They used to do that _all _the time, they even rapped." Jason smirked, and Sam just laughed in amazement. Mitchie slid down the bench as Nate sat next to her and began to pencil in the melody that Mitchie and Shane had just made, humming it as he messed around with the piano.

"Okay, show off." Mitchie teased bumping her shoulder to his.

He laughed, "sorry, but that was amazing, and it didn't look like you were about to write it down, so I did." She giggled a little and pulled Cate into her arms resting her chin on the top of her daughter's head.

"Oh, shit, we really have to get going." Nate exclaimed after he finished scribbling stuff in the empty staffs of Mitchie – and Shane's – song. "Hopefully we can get together soon." He stood, Mitchie quickly stood up, setting Cate down. Sam scooped his daughter up and led Nate and Jason out of the room, and it was just Shane and Mitchie.

"Did that really just happen?" she breathed in a whisper as her heart hammered her ribs as he stepped closer to her.

"I think so." His voice sent those chills down her spine and his arm found its way around her lower back and she stepped closer to him, and before she knew it her lips were back to their favorite place; his.

"Shane," she moaned.

"Hmmm?" he twisted his free hand in her hair.

"Stop," she whimpered as he ran his hand up her thigh, it was the feeling that barren wasteland inside of her had wanted, but once it was there, she wanted it gone.

"Why?" neither lips departed from the others.

"I can't –" her voice quivered as the pleasure of his caresses burned in her, "we can't." Mitchie finally pulled her lips back, but she was still in his arms, and her hand was clutching his upper arm.

"Sorry."

"Don't be¸ because I'm not. But I decided, we can't do this." These words surprised her, she didn't know she was going say them, but she did, and with saddened eyes she watched his face fall. He turned and began to walk away, muttering a sad goodbye.

"No, Shane, wait!" he spun around and she ran to him. "I love you, but we can't do this, I'm sorry. It's wrong, and Nate's right, I'm hurting me; I'm probably hurting you, and what if Sam finds out? Then what?" she held in her tears and he took her hand.

"But Mitchie, we can't just end now; like this." He pleaded.

"I know, let's be friends, I know it will be hard, but it's the only way." So he sullenly nodded and she followed him down the stairs, they almost collided with Sam.

"What were you guys doing?" he asked, and Mitchie stopped dead in her tracks but Shane kept walking.

"Just checking out what Nate wrote down." _Damn,_ Mitchie thought, when did lying become so easy, and would that be the rest of her life, a bunch of easily told lies?

"Oh, okay." He replied and she dodged around him. She watched silently as Nate, Jason, and Shane said goodbyes to Cate and Sam. Nate, then Jason embraced her, talking of hopes for future visits, and Shane came to her, they both knew it would be suspicious if they ignored each other, so they quickly hugged and forced out goodbyes. His arms felt perfect around her, but she pushed the feeling away, and soon enough they were gone, soon enough it was just her and Sam and Cate.

She felt so bad for Shane, seeing him that way just tore her apart, but she knew she had to do what was best for them, for him, for her, for everyone around them. Throughout the day she walked around in a trance, but it was a secret trance that Sam couldn't see. She sat at the dinner table and looked at Sam, he looked back, and confusion became a quick forest fire over his face.

"I – I have to tell you something." She mumbled expressionless.

"What's wrong?" he looked worried and she just closed her eyes, suppressing tears.

"It's complicated – well, please don't be mad. I love you so much."

"Mitchie what's wrong?" Something inside her was pushing out all these words, this wasn't what she wanted, but it was what she subconsciously needed. Some cold fire burned inside, she wanted to run away to a place where worries were gone, where mistakes were forgiven, and where love was easy.

"Shane – Shane and I and uh – Shane and I, we kissed."

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alrighty! please review!!!!!!! 3 hopefully the next chapter will be up sooner, school is such a time suck! haha


	9. Accidental Suicide

This chapter is short, but I didn't feel like adding too much more, it was perfect as is. Plus, there is a little surprise at the end

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"What," Sam finally said after a moment of silence that had Mitchie going crazy. It all had circled through her head while that silence ensued; was he going to yell, was he going to freak out, was there a chance he'd be calm, no, he was going to freak out, some way or another. And when he finally spoke that demanding whisper of his, she lost her breath and held her eyes everywhere but him; darting those sad, storytelling orbs from object to object.

"I'm not repeating myself." She whispered back, resting her eyes on her confused daughter who had stopped her cheerful giggles and stopped her small hands that were once pounding playfully on her highchair. Mitchie heard the clatter of a fork to a plate and still kept her eyes averted from him. She waited in complete silence as Sam stuttered on the starts of words.

_Oh, Shane, please forgive me,_ she thought.

"When?" Sam's voice was sharp, and she finally looked to him, struck with silence.

"Sam, I'm just – I'm just really sor –" but she was cut off.

"Mommy," Cate forced out. With tears welling in her eyes, Mitchie turned to her daughter.

"Shh, Cate, not right now," anger was raging in the undertone of Sam's words as he stood from the table, pulling Cate from her highchair.

"Daddy?" Cate questioned, her head bobbing between her two parents.

"_When,_ Mitchie, I'm guessing more than once?" he was walking towards the front door, Mitchie began to follow.

"Well yes, but –" a few tears fell down her face and she watched as Sam grew angrier and angrier.

"But what?" he threw at her with rage. A throw of words that Mitchie was sure was meant to hurt, and it did hurt; every word stabbed through her, but it was all her fault. An accidental suicide; she had no intention of hurting herself, or Sam, or Shane for that matter, but every selfish action, word, lie, boomeranged to them and came right back to hurt her.

"But –" she started at a loss for words. Sam was walking out to the car and she was quickly following behind, almost tripping from everything that was put on her, "what are you doing?"

"I'll be back." And he put Cate in her car seat and forced his shaking body into the front seat, stealing one last look at his pleading, crying wife, nodded his head in a delusional state of belief and drove off.

Mitchie watched, still, and in an instant fell to her knees, squeezing her eyes shut. Shaking, trembling, lost in a scary whirlwind of scary thoughts, she threw her hands to the ground. After a moment of that little breakdown she pulled herself back up. She gazed around in the bright sun, and rolled her eyes to keep more tears from falling, to try to roll her rambling thoughts together. She pivoted and wiped her knees and hands off as she walked back into the house.

She pulled herself through the haunting, thought unreeling, hallway, the one with pictures, wedding pictures. There she was, her hair done up, her face pristine, a white dress falling around her body, and there Sam was, his goofy smile, his handsome tuxedo; the way his arm was around her, the way she fit into it. She had that same goofy smile, that same look about her face. Where was that awkward, perfect feeling? Where was that girl? It would've been so easy to blame it all on Shane, to say it was his fault, but that was one lie she would never be able to tell. It was just as much her fault as it was his, if not more.

So in an instant she just turned away and went to the edge of the hall, tripping, colliding with the ground, but she just stayed there. Some more tears found their way down her cheeks, and she pulled her knees in close, leaning back against the wall.

"Oh, Mitchie, when will you ever learn your lesson?" she huffed, blowing hair from her face.

Just like that; everything that had happened in that day had happened too fast, too fast to comprehend, too fast to trust all those feelings that came. That breaking bridge she utilized to cross between Shane and Sam – the one that put some spell on her making her think it would all be okay – lost the heavy weight that was bringing it down. The only problem was that that weight was the very keystone of that twisted bridge, so it was crumbling from all around Mitchie, crumbling from right under her feet, the feet she stepped lightly with on that fragile bridge, but a ton of feathers weighs the same as a ton of bricks, and each step, each cross had an impact no matter how small, or light it seemed. Each crossing made it weaker, and of course it was known that it was going to fall, and it finally did.

And those waters under her seemed more than happy to welcome her to her fate. They were choppy and murky, she couldn't see beyond the frightening outward appeal of them. Maybe deep down something was settled, and it would all be clearer, calmer, but before it got better, it had to get bad.

Somehow Mitchie had drowsed off into a lethargic state of unawareness, so she never heard the car, never heard the garage door, and never heard Sam come into the house. She had shut her eyes and rested her head on her knees.

"Mitchie," the voice scared her, it was demanding, but not as mad as she had expected. She picked her thought-heavy head up and turned it to him. He was standing right in front of her, towering over her scrunched up body.

She thought she could possibly make the inference that he Sam been crying; his eyes a little red, his cheeks a little moist looking. His soft dirty blonde hair – which once held longer, loose curls, but was now shorter, short enough his hair almost looked straight and a little darker and it was often gelled up a little – was ruffled and unarranged; he always messed his hand in his hair when he was either angry or nervous.

"Where did you go? Where's Cate?" she asked, on verge of those long, often shed, tears coming back.

"I took her to your parents. I told them that we're sorry it was such a short notice, but we were invited to dinner and out afterwards." He told her as she pulled her once again shaking body up from the floor, stumbling slightly into the wall.

Still standing in the same place, Sam continued, "She was fine with it, asked where you were and I told her you were at home getting ready." Mitchie nodded and they were caught in silence, he looked, or glared, her way, and she looked back. They both remained quiet for a few minutes; a few looks had passed in that still air, well still, but stuffy air.

Her heart raced, and it wasn't that good racing, like when you're so happy, or when you're excited for something, but a pounding that happened in a silent fear. It was like all she could hear was that ridiculous, speedy, painful pounding, and those thoughts, those racing, rumbling thoughts.

Sam ran his hand through his hair, and he turned a complete one-eighty.

"Say something." She forced out, and her body jumped, and that crazy heart stopped for a moment as Sam's clenched, white-knuckled, fist collided with the wall.

"God damn it, Mitchie, what do you want me to say?" he turned right back around, and Mitchie took a step back, hitting the other wall, her eyes wide, her mind on pause. "What do you want me to say, do you want me to yell, do you want me tell you it's okay? Do you want anger, forgiveness?" Her head was shaking back and forth as he continued with his redundant opposites, and his voice fell, "what do you want?"

"Not silence." She murmured, and there were those tears, dear God, there they were. He put his hands up in defeat, in confusion. "Please, no silence."

"You want yelling, want my anger?"

"Yes! God, make me feel something, I'm so empty, like a desert, but some sandstorm is whirling each thought around and around and around, but it's all stuck there, make it come out." Her words flew, and he was taken aback by them.

"Is that all it was, a cry for attention, a need for feeling?" he inquired, his hand ruffling in his hair again.

"No." and they were both looking at each other again. "I didn't kiss him for that, it was never for that, it was for…never mind." She felt like she was shrinking, or like the world was getting bigger and she was stuck in her curious place of mind, curious and scared, confused.

"What Mitchie? Did _I_ do something wrong?" he asked, and for a second she looked in his eyes, and she saw his pain. "No, that's the problem. You kept treating me like the angel you think I am. I've never been perfect, Sam, never."

"But you were always perfect to me, your flaws and everything." He whispered this and she sighed, and instinctively reached her hand out towards his, but she pulled back, he just looked at her.

"I'm sor –" she began, but he shook his head.

"Why?" And she shook hers, blinking back tears too late, they already fell. Her body went cold, and a shiver flew up from her feet to her head, and she once again avoided his questioning eyes. "Mitchie?" his voice was falling, and she was afraid he would cry, as tough as she knows he is, she just hurt him.

"I told him we would just be friends now, it's all good." She avoided the question and wiped her cheeks, but it didn't help, and she continued to shake her head as he asked why again, a little more loud and angry. Her head just shook and shook and she kept trying to tell Sam it was fine now, and that Shane and her were just friends, and nothing was ever going to happen again, but her words weren't coming out and the ones that did were undecipherable and choppy.

"Mitchie, why?!" He gripped her head in his hands, and she was startled, and she choked on her hysteric breathing, but she was able to control herself and Sam's eyes had hers glued.

"Because…" was all she said and he wouldn't accept it, and he held her face tighter, but it didn't hurt her, she just hurt inside. She hurt for being yelled at, for letting Shane go, for hurting Sam and she wanted to know how bad Shane hurt. Everyone she truly loved was hurt by her. She leaned into his one hand, tears streaming from her eyes and nothing coming from her mouth. "Because I'm still in love with him – well, I thought I was, but I think it was just a decision made on a whim and that's why I had to end it and I'm so sorry," Sam's face went white and it was as though he blended into the wall, "Sam, I just…" His hands fell from her face, and she went to catch one, but was unsuccessful. Her head was starting to spin, and she was sure her vision was going hazy and dark, so she steadied herself by placing her hand on the wall.

"Don't you love _me_?"

"I do! Didn't you hear me, I ended it." She was losing focus, and she felt dizzy and she thought she was about to fall so she blinked her eyes a few times, this was something that never happened to her, and her heart began to beat even faster.

"Mitchie, you said you could handle being near him." Sam said, color beginning to come back, but Mitchie was starting to lose it, and her mind was going as well. The hallway was hazier, spinning like crazy, which had to be what Dorothy felt like, but was she ever going to get to a nicer, utopian land, or was she stuck in Heartbreak Hell the rest of her life, breaking other people's hearts, and having her own broken, even by herself.

"I know I did, I'm sorry. I made a promise, and I broke it." She said, reaching her hand to her forehead, her tears weren't falling anymore, but she felt like she was; only no floor was hit, and she was still standing. "I'm so sorry, can you forgive me?"

"I can't right now, but I'm sure I will be able to at some point. I didn't marry you for no reason, you're my wife and I love you so much, but you're gonna have to do a lot to be forgiven." He kind of chuckled, and his few tears were now gone.

He reached his hands back to her face, and his lips found their way to hers. Mitchie just stood there, as darkness was coming faster, and she felt Sam pull back, and she could just barely see his eyes wandering her face, a frown falling upon his lips. She kept trying to widen her eyes, but they were already clearly open, and the shadow was coming in from around the edges, she took a few quick breaths and tried to get her head back into focus, but it seemed like no matter what she did it just got worse.

"Mitchie, what's wrong?" he asked a little frantic, and he quickly reached his hands out and placed them firmly on her hips as she leaned her body back into the wall.

"I don't know." And she began to slide herself down the wall before she could fall, feeling Sam let go of her hips, and as the darkness finally caved around her, all she felt was him reaching for her, and right before she hit the floor, she was out.

There was light, light streaming into her eyes, so she fluttered them open. She saw white ceiling, and she gazed around, blinking her eyes.

"Sam?" she said when she saw him perched on the opposite arm of the couch, he looked to her and bolted up.

"Mitchie, you scared the shit out of me!" he cried pulling her into a soft embrace as she slowly sat up. "God, you just passed out, you went down, and I swear, I almost screamed." She smiled slightly at him as he pulled back.

"You were scared? I'm the one who was scared, you dork." She giggled, and she gazed around again; it was dark outside, Sam's face was blocking most of her view, he looked happy, happier than someone should when their wife just told them they had kissed their ex on multiple occasions.

"I'm so glad you're okay." He told her pecking her forehead, "but maybe we should take you to the hospital or something."

"No," she quickly dismissed the idea and he gave her a stern look, "my mom will flip out, it's fine. I probably just overworked myself, got too hysterical, don't worry."

"Don't worry? You just fainted. Luckily I caught you; you went down fast and hard, and you weren't that easy to carry." She playfully smacked his shoulder and fell into the embrace he offered.

"But stop being so happy." She turned serious, and he stopped his small laughter.

"What do you mean?" he asked, running his hand through her hair, twisting his fingers through it, but softly, comfortingly.

"Why are you so quick to be so happy? After what just happened, it doesn't make sense." She told him, lifting her head from his chest and looked at his face. She wasn't really ready to be this way with him quite yet, but it was so easy to just cave to him, to fall in his arms, get lost in his touch. She truly did love him, and just like with Shane, she couldn't help it, but they were different.

"Because I love you too much." He replied, pulling her back into his arms. She suppressed her tears and just gripped him tighter, not wanting to let go.

"I'm tired." She said, not moving an inch. Sam said he'd take her to bed, and he led her up the stairs and helped her crawl into bed.

"I'll go get Cate." He said, but she didn't let go of his hand.

"No, my parent's got it." She told him and he looked at her with a strange look, and she wrapped her tired arms around his body and he just crawled right next to her and wrapped her in his arms as tight as he could. She drifted in and out as he whispered sweet melodies in her ear and the last thing she remembered before she finally fell asleep was him saying he forgave her, and humming one last, soft, pure, note in her ear.

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OKAY! SUUUUPPPRRRIIISSSEEE NOW!!!! So, I know there are people reading this, and adding it to their favorites and subscribing, but what I really want is reviews, I wanna know what you guys think! It would mean so much

SURPRISE TIME!!!!! Ahaha, since this chapter is short… I will give you an insight to an original story I'm writing. So you can tell me what you think.

Summary/Excerpt

If we were in one of those romance novels I often read, this is what it would say; "The hot, humid sea breeze blew her hair flatteringly against her face and blew her white plain cotton, unlike her status dress about her body and he soaked in the sight of her. They shared a smile and then a kiss that anywhere in those boring parlors and much to frivolous parties at home would be considered inappropriate and completely out of line. To anyone around them they were the vision of perfect sweethearts, but back home they were far from that." There sat us, perfect sweethearts but there was so much more, but we all have secrets don't we?

Emillina is a maid – well it'd be better to say was a maid – to one of New York's most prestigious families. She was Miss Abigail Ridgeway's personal lady's maid. Emillina keeps up on all the gossip of New York, story-telling it back to all the Ridgeway staff. Unexpectedly, the well-known Mr. Edwards soon dies and a secret will is found, stunning everyone. It turns out that Emillina is his daughter, and his will states that she is to be brought in by Mr. Edwards's widow. She soon falls into the whirlwind of first-class Victorian New York, and becomes one of the most popular debutantes. A tale of love and the all too unavoidable gossip.

Prologue

Despite all her secrets and all of her nasty, manipulative ways, I always found myself jealous of her. Not just a small amount of jealousy, but a full blown, almost obsessive, envy. I would watch and study her ways, making sure I precisely copied her every move. If I saw her poised in a certain way I would practice the stance when I was all alone.

She was that perfect girl, the one they all wanted to be like, especially me. Others tried; I could see them try until tears flowed. But I was unable to show off the product of my intricate studies; the only viewers were those sad, four walls that were closing in inch by inch. Instead of showing off in esteemed family parlors and receiving rooms or at the parties of the most infamous people of that twisted society I was left to the company of the dark corners that held all of my deepest thoughts and feelings.

Every girl wanted her perfect, high, rosy cheeks, her straight, yet easily curled, shiny, light brown hair, her skinny, yet somehow hourglass body, her name and all it had to offer. I knew deeper into her life then those other envious girls, I was sure I knew all her secrets, the ones that would spread like the plague, leaving her as that black mark that would send her and her family to ruins. She was the Miss Abigail Ridgeway and I was merely her lady's maid.


	10. Shadows of the Gray Land

This chapter starts with a Shane view on things; I thought it was important I did so. Anyways, I hope you enjoy and thanks for 'favoriting' and all that jazz…but I would love more reviews.

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Shane, Nate, and Jason hadn't gone back to the hotel; they had headed straight for their humble Hollywood loft, considering their tour was officially over. Shane was silent the whole trip, all the way from Mitchie's home in Texas to that busy, much too crowded for him, popularity centered city.

It was obvious Nate knew, Nate always knew.

Shane had slipped a pair of headphones on and turned his dramatic lyric filled songs up to almost full volume, completely hindering anyone's chance to actually communicate with him. He stared out the window, acting like the guy he was before he ever met Mitchie; an ignorant jerk. He felt content with just sitting and blocking out the world, he watched as each person, building, or car whizzed by, he felt like releasing his feelings, but he decided to keep them bottled up anyway, because to be honest with everyone else and himself, he didn't really even know what he felt, or what he was supposed to feel.

He ignored Nate when he had called his name; he only turned the music up louder and continued staring glumly out the window. When the rain had started he began to just follow the drops as they slowly drifted down the window, and just like when he was younger he subconsciously egged them on in their small, basically nonexistent race. There was a time he had turned to Nate and Jason, who were chatting on the other side of the tour bus, each with a guitar resting on their thighs, and a pick in their hands. He knew in an instant that they had momentarily stopped their guitar playing and were talking about him; Shane knew that if Jason hadn't already known which he probably did, that Nate had told him. They glanced up at him as he sent a scoffed glare in their direction and then quickly proceeded to their next topic of conversation.

The drive from Dallas to Los Angeles took almost a full day, it was a long twenty-three hours and forty-six minutes exactly for Shane, not to mention the small detours they had made various places. When he wasn't perched in a state of oblivious ignorance next to that sad window, he was back in his bed, well more like a bunk, either sleeping restlessly or scribbling doodles of heats with wings flying from someone's grasp on the margins of sheet music. He thought about the song, it was too perfect to forget, he played the same few lines over and over in his head, and then each time they popped up he willed them away.

Was he really this mad at Mitchie; he knew she was married, and he knew everything they had said or done in those last few weeks were wrong. He knew that the right thing for her to do was to not act that way, and that she kept trying to pull away, but she kept finding ways closer. He knew a lot of it was his fault; he kept doing those things that pulled her to him, but somehow he was being pulled to her as well. The only difference was that she had a new life and family to worry about, and he was all alone wanting moments and dreams of the past to take over the present.

Every kiss they had shared just seemed right in his mind, they just made him feel like maybe he did belong in that new, confusing, different present. He knew it wasn't what they should've done, he knew every time she set those dream painting lips to his, and every time that they had found their way into one of those fire sparking embraces or locking of eyes, that it would somewhere end, because Mitchie was too smart to just let her heart take over what she was really supposed to do. But, what he didn't know was that he was wrong about that. He used these kisses as ways to tell himself that there was still a chance they could be together in the end; he used them to make everything seem okay. He built up a barrier to the truth with each of those small shows of affection, but he found it to be a crumbling, weak-framed wall of a silly fantasy. Maybe it was supposed to fall, so he sat back and let it.

Once they had arrived, he helped unload everything, speaking occasionally with the ones around him. As soon as the guys were back to freedom, he fled to his part of the building complex. The building consisted of three floors, each floor a single loft, and they each had a floor of their own, but rent was paid in collaboration. Shane had the one on top. Built on the roof was what looked like a large shed; it was actually a small room of music, including a tiny place to record.

He soon went back to just sitting and doing nothing useful. He just sat. He blared some music and just sat. He ignored the knocks on his door and just sat. He sat on the couch, sat on his bed, sat on a kitchen barstool, sat next to a window, even sat on the floor.

Soon enough Nate used his sense and grabbed a key to unlock Shane's door. He barged in and looked to Shane, who was currently laying, instead of sitting, on the couch, his blank eyes wandering the ceiling, tracing patterns in the paint.

Shane didn't immediately sit up. "Go away guys." He mumbled.

"It's just me." Nate replied as he walked to the stereo and turned off the music, that's when Shane sat up.

"What?" he barked to Nate, reaching for the stereo remote next to him, turning the music back on, he was in the middle of playing the mix CD Mitchie had made for him over six years ago; as he hit the play button one of her old songs began, it started with simple guitar strumming and then a voice that always filled his ears began to sing, he quickly hit the pause, and looked back to the unsurprised Nate, who took the remote from his hands.

"You don't have to keep acting like this." Nate told him, picking up the empty can of beer he knocked over. Shane had drunken a little, along with all that endless, pointless, sitting.

"Don't tell me how to act. I know that's what you were telling Mitchie." Shane quipped.

"So it's my fault, yeah, well when you decide to man up and talk, I'm here." Nate began to say as he walked to the door, "you know, you should stop being such an ass; you knew what you were doing, and so did Mitchie. She does love Sam, and life isn't always gonna be a fairytale. When you want to talk I'm here, come to me and Jason whenever you need to." And with that he pulled open the door and hit play, Mitchie's song filling the room, Shane filling with pain. Nate tossed the remote to the corner and walked away, slamming the door.

_She does love Sam,_ that phrase brought back so much. Every time he had heard Mitchie say that she did he winced inside, and then tried to keep building up that wall. He wanted her happy because he loved her, and if she loved him so much like she said, why didn't she just want him to be as happy as he wanted her? Sure, he said he would leave if that's what she wanted, and he did. But she asked for them to stay friends and he agreed. Every time he looked at Sam he felt like the whole world was against him, he wanted to know what made Mitchie fall in love with Sam, but still love him. Mitchie was only hurting both of them, and Shane was angry at her for that. He didn't want to be angry; he wanted to just be the one that would forever be in her arms.

Just friends, he couldn't just be her friend. He wanted to be more than that, and if that's what he couldn't have, he didn't want to see her ever again. But, he wasn't going to let that stop him, just like Mitchie, he was determined, and wanted to get what he wanted out of life, and all he really wanted was her. And then, looking into Cate's eyes and seeing so much of Mitchie in her eyes, then looking at her hair and features that matched her father's, it made him sick. That was the product of Mitchie and Sam's love, Mitchie and Shane didn't have such a beautiful thing, all they had was pain, anger, sadness, and the burning hate of their deep love.

As these thoughts rambled on and on through his head he walked a sad gait to his bedroom, kneeled down and pulled a box out from underneath his bed. He took the lid off and couldn't help but feel stupid for having the things he had in there, he knew Mitchie threw every last memory away, but he kept the most important ones. After removing newspaper and magazine articles, small love letters, CD's, and pictures he pulled out the picture he wanted the most. It was the same picture Mitchie had thrown at him so many years before, his copy. He stared at it, sat down and pulled his phone from his pocket, before he knew what he was doing he heard the ringing start, and regretted pressing the green button when he reached her name in the contact list. He quickly hung up and looked at the picture one last time. He tore it, tore it right down the middle, tossed the two halves next to him and walked out of the bedroom, running down stairs to Nate's, and barging in.

"Shane?" Nate looked up from his book, and was quickly worried by the look on Shane's face.

"No! Don't be worried, I don't care if I start crying, this was the only way for me to man up, I just want you to tell me it's okay." Shane forced out, this was something he wished he could've said to Mitchie years ago, something he wished he didn't want to say now.

"Shane, I can't. Mitchie asked the same thing. Maybe you two should talk; I can't walk you through your problems."

Mitchie asked the same thing, _great_, Shane thought, "Fine. I just want you to know how much I hate her right now, how much I despise Sam, and how much I want her in my arms, if you can't accept these things, then sorry. But I'm not gonna be happy around you when really I'm not happy at all." He didn't know where these things were coming from but he was practically yelling at Nate, who just looked back. "Please let me be miserable, it's the only way I can get through this whole just friends shit. If she's not mine then I'm in hell, and let me burn for my own mistakes."

"Understood," Nate responded, nodding cautiously, "but we have an interview in thirty minutes, be ready." Shane laughed pathetically at this and walked away, gliding out the door, cursing under his breath as he ran back to his place.

As he walked in the door he turned the music off, and then heard his cell ringing. He grabbed it from his room and looked at the Caller-ID, Mitchie. He tossed it down, and ignored it. He wondered what she was feeling at that moment, and for some reason he was hoping she felt horrible.

He jumped in the shower and got ready for the interview. When he was done he picked up the ripped picture, and walked to his kitchen. He found an envelope, put the pieces of the picture in, addressed the envelope and threw it in the mail as he joined Nate in walking down to Jason's. They all hopped in a car and drove silently to the place of the interview.

XXXXXX

He sat there in the middle of Nate and Jason, trying to act normal, and he had to admit he was doing well, as they were asked question upon question.

"How was tour?"

"Was it different then other tours?"

"What did you miss most while on tour?"

"What about touring will you miss?"

"Any new romances blooming?"

"How overwhelmed were you when your last album went almost triple platinum?"

"When can we expect a new album?"

"Will it be different?"

"We wanna hear about the girls in your lives."

Shane and Nate held back their true emotions when they asked that for the third time in the last few minutes. Shane wanted to yell at her, and it looked like Nate wanted to do the same thing, it seemed like that was the only thing anyone ever cared about; if you were single or not.

"Well, you all know I have a wedding coming up soon, and that's really all in that field for now." Jason finally stated, and Shane and Nate relaxed. But for some reason Shane gripped his chair tighter, knowing what was coming next.

"So, Shane," she began.

_No, no, no, no, no! Not that, _he thought to himself, but on the outside he acted as though he had no idea what was coming next, and from the corner of his eye he saw Nate's head turn slightly in his direction.

"Tell us about your reconnection with Mitchie?" and unbeknownst to her those words stabbed through him. "I know we all saw the picture." He just nodded his head, but she probed on, "tell us about what she's like."

"Well, I mean, she's married," maybe that was to further his believing on the subject, "she has a wonderful daughter named Cate, and um," he broke off, what more did she want, and why did she even ask?

"What about you two?" they always asked the worst questions, he just wanted to tell her it was none of her business and that she should let it go. But, he held his calm, and looked her right in the eyes.

"We're friends, and we get along." He told her, anger evident in his voice, and she looked away, ashamed, maybe guilty, but all those people wanted was the juicy truth, or the lies, but as long as it was juicy it was displayed to the whole world, and he wasn't letting that happen, he wasn't going to let them hurt Mitchie that way.

"Alright, well thanks for your time guys. As always it was a pleasure." They all stood and shook hands, and Shane was the first one out of there back to the car. The ride back was again silent until Nate broke it.

"Way to go, you made her uncomfortable." He scolded Shane, who just stared out the window.

"She had it coming, we sit there as they make us uncomfortable, and I told you I would be miserable." He replied dully, leaning his forehead against the glass.

"You had no right to be a jerk to her, no matter the circumstances." Nate argued back.

Shane just remained still and quiet.

"God, between you and Mitchie, I feel like I'm your parent. You two need to learn, and fast."

"Looks like Mitchie learned it." Shane mumbled back.

"Guys stop! This is supposed to be our relaxing time." Jason burst, and like two young kids, Nate and Sane both folded their arms and looked the other way.

Once they were back Shane once again ran to the refuge of his place. He had left his phone on the ground in his room. He picked it up and a surge rushed through him when he saw he had five missed calls from Mitchie, and he had two voice mails. He put the phone to his ear and listened to the fist message she had sent. Her voice was wavering, and she sounded really cautious as she spoke.

"Um, you called? Just calling back, and um…" that's when he pictured her losing it, and all he wanted to do was cry and then hold her and cry with her. He looked to his phone when the message was ended there, and then he deleted it and went to the next one, on the verge of crying, he never cries, the last time he remembered crying was when Mitchie last left him. She sounded like she had been crying, but he willed himself to keep listening, and he felt a pang in him every time he heard her produce a sob.

"Shane, I called you four more times, so fine, don't answer, but you called, and I don't know, I really wanted to know how you are. But, maybe I really don't because I think knowing what you feel won't make any of this any easier. I – um – I talked to Sam. Yes, I told him. I know you must hate him, no, you must hate me. I hate me. Um – call if you want, I'll probably answer even if I know I really shouldn't just yet. But, you're voice; it's all that can get me through this right now. God, we really fucked up didn't we. Sorry, I just mean we knew and all the time continued. Maybe we can see each other soon, and I don't know, maybe. I know we will at some point. I lo – I wish this could all be easier, and I just wanted to say that I really am sorry, and please call, well I don't know. I need you, wait, I just I need to think. Stay happy, um – I feel bad, but – um you know why. Bye, Shane, I – I gotta…" but she had hung up once again.

She had sped through it all, and he heard the way she just talked, not knowing what she was saying. He felt like jumping through the phone to just get to her, none of that sounded a thing like her. Even though he had realized how over their love had to be, and how hard she was trying to make them the friends they agreed to be, and he tried, he wanted to just put his lips to hers. He wanted to whisper sweet things in her ear while she laughed in his arms, her crying made him want to even more, because all he wanted was her to be happy, that's all he wanted, and he knew if she thought letting their love go was what she wanted, then she was never going to be the happy person he wanted to see from her.

So he put his phone back down, sulked to the kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed another can of beer. Complete silence was all around him, the crack of the tab and the buzz of the carbonation sounded harshly loud. Another, unfamiliar sound was in the air, in his ears he heard Mitchie's voice, heard her crying, but in reality the sound he heard was his own muffled cries, and he felt weak when a few tears fell down, he didn't want to cry; men don't cry, but maybe the only way for him to get through was to just let his weaknesses run and run, hoping they would soon dwindle down to nothingness and his strength would come back. Really, he just wanted to be strong for Mitchie.

* * *

Mitchie was staring at her phone, had she really just left that rambling, contradicting message? Well, it was too late to fix that. She pulled herself from the cold tiled bathroom floor. She had gone in there because she didn't want Sam to know she was calling Shane. It's not like she was doing anything wrong, she just felt it was something she needed to do in secret.

"Mitchie!" she heard Sam call from downstairs, she looked at her face in the mirror before walking out; she looked like a mess. Her hair was hanging in a loose ponytail, her make-up was smeared and she was still in her pajamas.

"Yes?" she said as she reached the end of the stairs and he pulled her into an embrace.

"Pizza or Chinese later?" he asked.

She shrugged her shoulders, "I don't care; whatever you want."

"Oh, and Nate just called, he said your cell was busy."

"Oh, okay, thanks. I'll go call him back." She whispered and she went back up the stairs after Sam pecked her head.

She grabbed her phone and went back to her bathroom. She sat down again and called Nate. She wasn't sure what he wanted, but she had a good idea he was going to try to talk to her about what had happened. He picked up and she let out a small sigh.

"You called?"

"Yeah," he replied, "first, I'm glad you finally came to some sort of sense; telling Shane that it had to end."

"Yeah," she whispered brushing her hand through her hair, "and I told Sam."

"What did he say?"

"He was really mad at first, but we…talked through it and I guess it's all good now." She told him, and she honestly wasn't even sure. He had been so angry, maybe because somehow he just knew, but then he was all happy and treated her all the same.

"Oh I see. Well I was also calling to tell you how Shane is dealing; he's being a complete jerk. He just told me you called, and he said he didn't want to call back."

"He called me first."

"Oh." Nate said, "well, he's being a complete ass, and I'm pretty positive he's drunk now so I'm just gonna leave him alone for awhile."

"What is he doing?" and Mitchie kind of wished she was drunk too, she wished that she could view the world from a skewed vision so she didn't have to face the sad reality of things.

"Just being completely ignorant; he's blaring his music, not responding to anyone." Mitchie sighed; no it wasn't easier to know. The fact that he hurt so bad that he had to act that way actually made it worse, she didn't want him mad, she wanted him happy, but she knew that she had made the right decision, and for once Mitchie was letting her brain win over her heart.

"Oh, ok. Well, um –" she trailed off not knowing what else to say.

"I think he should get over it soon. Well, I gotta get going; coming back from tour isn't as relaxing as it should be. Bye, Mitchie." He said.

She told him goodbye as well and then quickly hung up. She tossed her phone on her bed as she flew out the door. She checked on Cate, who was napping in her room, then walked slowly down the stairs. She pulled open the refrigerator door and grabbed a beer, smiling at its ability to be so welcoming.

"Mitchie? It's three-thirty, isn't it just a bit early to start drinking?" Sam questioned as he walked in the kitchen to find his wife practically drowning herself with beer.

"No," she simply stated before grabbing another one so she could have it when she finished. Then she walked out of the kitchen and up to the music room, locking the door behind her and falling against the piano, downing half her beer. It was as though she was trying to wash down all of her pain with the sweet temptation of alcohol. She smiled into the cold can, and a tear fell to contradict that twisted grin. She wondered how wasted Shane was, knowing him it wouldn't even matter, he was probably just sitting around, and so when it all hit him, he'd basically already be passed out.

She guided the can back to her lips and chugged the last few drops before letting the can hit the ground and pulling open the other one. Even if they couldn't be together, at least they both could share the feeling of not caring anymore about how they felt that they would let each drop of beer let them feel wasted and depressed. She gripped the can tighter as she pulled it from her mouth, her head falling back to rest on the piano, he eyes shutting as more tears cascaded down he cheeks. She stayed there, slowly drinking each drip away until it was all gone. When that had happened she got up and went back to the reality of life, and now she had her chance to view it through a slightly hazy vision, and to her that was all that mattered, as long as she could shield out part of the truth.

******

It was a day since she had talked to Nate, and she actually showered and got dressed that day. She was starting to let herself feel better, knowing she wouldn't get so far. She walked out into the bright sun and pulled open the mailbox. She grabbed the mail and ambled back into the house. She sorted the mail between her and Sam, and leaning against a counter she flipped through her half. She came across familiar handwriting, and her heart instinctively skipped a beat, and then sped up as she opened the white, ghostly, already haunting, envelope. When she found its contents she held back her tears and strode to the refrigerator. She grabbed a beer, grabbed a roll of tape from a nearby drawer and found her way to the music room, again locking the door and she sat in the farthest corner, trying to put the jagged pieces back together, hoping her life could find a way to let the mismatching puzzle pieces somehow just come together. She looked to the keys of the piano, black and white, she wished it was all so simple; that were two distinct sides and that there was no gray in between to try to merge it all together, because in reality you couldn't merge such opposite things together in a perfect harmony. Sometimes it's better when there is some common ground, but it was almost easier to have black and white, because in truth knowing there are two separate, opposing sides made choosing where to go so much easier, nothing in between. But, Mitchie was left in that inharmonious gray, left trying to make the black and white on her own, when really she was the one who had tried to merge black and white together in the first place, and it looked like she had some shadows of the gray lands she had to take care of.

* * *

Okey dokey! Please review, comment, whatever it is you call that. Hahaha. I hope you liked it, I'll try to update soon. :D I would really love to hear what you all think; it would actually be much appreciated! Love you guys 3


	11. Flipping a Switch

Here's you go. Haha, I hope this chapter isn't too…boring or whatever…sorry I haven't updated frequently…but anyways, here it goes…

* * *

Day eight of a twisted friendship, eight days she knew he was hurting. For seven days she walked through life with at least two beers in her system, most of those days, more. She was feeling better, though, but she decided to keep drinking anyway; probably what Shane was doing. She _was_ feeling a little happier; a little more like life really didn't depend on him. Mitchie was coming back to that feeling that started to happen right before Sam popped into her life. The feeling that she had to move past the sadness and move past the love shared between her and Shane. She knew that nothing did, or ever would compare to what she had with Shane, but that was a long time ago, Mitchie was older, she had a husband, a daughter, and somewhere inside a need to do what was right, instead of what her heart told her.

Her heart wasn't saying, "Go to Shane," but it wasn't saying anything against it. She did love Sam, and part of her heart felt that, and wished her to stay with him, and since her heart was half in, and her conscious had placed all the chips on the table; that was what she was doing. So, letting herself feel better, letting herself slowly come back to life after Shane, before he came back, wasn't really all that bad. Some weight was lifted; she didn't have the regret of secret kisses, but part of her wished she hadn't said anything at all to Shane. She also wished Shane wasn't hurting, she couldn't bear the thought of him staying up all night, thinking, or drowning his pain in alcohol, but in the long run her decision would be good for herself and for him, at least, that's what she kept telling herself, so hopefully she was right.

Sure, part of her still thought about just running to him, running to all that she loved. His heart racing smile, his deep brown, twinkling eyes, his shiny dark hair, his not too sculpted arms, and his perfect personality. Well, he most definitely wasn't perfect, but he always seemed that way to her, and that's when she remembered that's exactly what Sam thought about her; none of this was fair to him at all.

Mitchie watched, only one beer in her, as the day began to end and darkness fell around the peaceful suburbs of Dallas. She glided to the refrigerator, opened it up, and was startled when a hand clutched her arm and pulled it back.

"No more Mitchie," Sam stated, dropping her arm, only to have to stop her again when she reached back towards the handle.

"Why?"

"Mitchie, you are acting like an alcoholic." He told her, guiding her away from the refrigerator, and into the living room.

"I know why you want me to stop," she said, and he nodded for her to go on, "you think that me drinking means that I think I made the wrong choice and that I want to go to Shane so I'm just making my life miserable." He didn't respond so she went on, "that's not it, well, who knows, but that's not why I picked up that first can a week ago. I just want to block out things in reality that won't go away."

"So in other words, I'm right, because you know exactly what I'm thinking." he responded, watching her as she cocked her head away from him and breathed in deeply.

"Sam, I love you so much. Part of me wants Shane so bad." She sighed, turning away again as she watched his knowing heart let some emotion show. "I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt either of you, and I made the wrong choices, and I don't know how many more times I can say that."

"Why do you still love him?" he asked bluntly, she bit her lip, thinking of what to say.

"Maybe I really don't. I think some of this could just be instinct and acting on first emotions, that's why I told him we'd be friends; I told you that already, didn't I?" Maybe she was trying to convince herself of such things. "Why are you not leaving me?" she finally asked him, "you have to be pissed, and you said you were, but you haven't been acting that way."

"So, if you find that really you still do love him, then what?" she buried her face in her hands, he continued, "I don't want to leave you, I want you to leave that all behind. I am pissed, but I'm trying to trust the decisions you made and the things you say." he stopped for a moment and turned his head to look out the window, like he was deep in thought. "Was I just a second best, because your fairytale didn't have the happy ending it was supposed to?" she looked up from her hands and shook her head.

"No, you aren't just some second best, you were a second chance." She shook her head again, "no, you were just someone I easily fell in love with. With Shane nothing was easy, I was always hurt, and you happened to make me feel safe."

"So I'm just a shield from the pain of a broken love?" Sam asked and Mitchie wanted to cry, these questions must have ran though his head from the moment Mitchie came home from the concert with Shane and Sam met him.

"No! I wouldn't have married you if that was the case. I think you are in a way so similar to him, but so different." That was it; Shane and Sam, both two wonderful musicians that found a way into her heart, but so different. Shane was headstrong like Mitchie; Sam was always whipped and gave into Mitchie. Shane and Mitchie were on and off, rocky; Sam and Mitchie connected the first time they met, and it stayed that way, smooth.

Of course, but was it so bad that it was easy to fall for Sam because of that, she thought it seemed that way, but it didn't have to be.

"You were almost everything he wasn't, and I don't want you to think that I fell to you because I wanted an easy and painless relationship, that's not it. After I left him I realized we were too clashing, and along the line I decided I wanted everything he wasn't, and then came you, and you brought a smile back to my face, and I loved the fact that I could be truly happy again. And now I almost ruined it all because something I vowed I never wanted to see and feel again came back, and for a split second I missed it." Every word she said came right as she thought about it; she was finally making some things click. "Plus, after my mom told me I gave up my dreams, I was so susceptible to everything. I gave up so much after him, and I was in a state of wanting those things back, that I let him back. But, you know, maybe my dreams came true with you, sure these last few weeks have been hard, but we're gonna make it, and I wanna try to make it." She was finally smiling, it all made sense, she was gaining back her strength, and she saw a small smile slowly stretch across Sam's face. Her smile felt awkward, like maybe it wasn't supposed to be there, but Mitchie never fit in anywhere; not belonging was life to her, so she was really hoping that that smile would fit soon, because she was supposed to be with Sam, because that's what she decided three years ago when she stood hand in hand with him up at the altar, and vows she never planned on breaking were made, and two simple words were shared, binding those vows. Now, Mitchie had broken them, she had crossed a line, a line that should've been easy to stay away from, a line that didn't even need to be drawn in the first place.

"Mitchie, I love you." He beamed to her.

"I love you too. I just hurt for hurting Shane, and I don't want him to hurt anymore, I want him to be happy." Her face a fell a little, and Sam reached for her hand, took it in his and knowingly nodded.

"Understandable, but drinking isn't going to help. Now, it will be so much easier to fix this now that you realized." She smiled in response to him and everything seemed to make more sense as she curled into his arms and he began to place kisses on her head, and he lifted her chin and kissed her lips, finally able to know that those lips were finally just his. But, even if this was the way the pieces were supposed to fit, something in her kept bringing up that this wasn't what she wanted, even though she decided it was. Even Sam's words seemed cautious and unsure, like they were said because they were supposed to be voiced.

Still, she was letting more of her Shane-free life come back. This time, he was still there, but he was just a friend, and she was keeping it that way, she just knew a love connection between them had to be over, and to protect him and everyone around her she let it end.

"See, this is what I mean, what I've been saying." she mumbled after he had kissed her again.

"What, baby?"

"You, and your kissing, and your loving, your forgiving. It doesn't make sense. I'm telling you all these things, I did all those things that should make you furious, but you aren't, I don't get it." She forced out at him, pulling back from his arms. Her voice moved in and out as though she was unsure of what she was supposed to be feeling and how she was supposed to say these things. She grabbed for her hair and knotted her hands through it as she spoke.

"Why do you keep bringing that up? I don't understand why you want me to be mad; _do_ you want me to be mad?" He asked, his face scrunching up in some curious confusion.

"No, I just –" she paused and looked down at their now entwined hands before finding the right words to say, and a way to pull away from his hand. She stood up and paced to the large window and gazed out with no purpose. She felt his footsteps behind her and she crossed her arms and turned around as she spoke, "I just don't see why you aren't, I don't know, being angry with me."

"I told you; I love you," He took her arms in his hands and stepped closer. She shook her head at his response and pushed her way to the other side of the room.

"Then you have got to be mad." She said, pivoting to him.

"Mitchie, calm down, do you want to pass out again?" She didn't realize how worked up she was getting herself, so she took a few deep breaths and looked square at Sam.

"Why aren't you mad?" she repeated, like a broken record; this was the only question that circled her mind whenever she saw his face.

"I – I am." He stated after a prolonged moment of eerie silence.

"Then why are you not acting like it?" she further questioned, she wasn't sure what kind of conflict she was subconsciously trying to create, but she continued to form it, words sounding angrier, mannerisms more repelling.

"Because, as I said, I want to believe what you're saying and I don't want to have some huge problem between us." She looked down, before sheepishly looking back up at him, "Mitchie you – and Cate – are my everything, and I'm not about to tear that apart if you're saying it was a silly mistake you completely regret making, as your husband, I'm trying to trust you."

"But, I've already broken that trust."

"Do you _want_ there to be a fight between us, because you're making it so easy to get mad." His voice elevated and his grip was painfully tighter on her slightly shaking arms and she pulled free and a look passed over Sam's face, a look Mitchie had no idea how to describe, when he had realized he must have been hurting her, almost like a quick fear.

"I don't want there to be an argument, I just think that you should be mad." She quieted down and folded her arms back across her body; swells of anger trying to become her, but she tried her hardest to stay calm.

"I am mad. What you did was completely uncalled for. You, my wife, had no right to just go off feeling love for someone else. That hurts," her body shook with a sob as he finally let go all of what he was holding in. "It's not the fact that you are supposed to be faithful, but that I was loving you and you were completely ignorant of these feelings when you never returned them, but went and handed them off to someone else."

Tears began to trace their familiar patterns down her trembling cheeks and Sam took hold of her arms once more and bared his eyes deep into hers, almost as though he was trying to find the answers to all his haunting questions.

"Sam, I know, and that's what killed me the most." She felt every drip of his pain.

"Then why Mitchie, did you even do it?"

"I've already explained that. And to be honest, I don't even know." He pulled her back as she tried to push away again. Something in Mitchie was focused solely on Shane and wishing for something to make the decision for her, even if she had already decided. But, she pushed that part of her away, trying to push them back down to those dark hallows of her past. "I just – It felt right."

"How could any of that possibly have been right in your mind, Mitchie?" He barked.

"You're going to wake Cate up." She whispered softly, twisting her head from his fierce gaze.

"How was any of it right?" He repeated, his voice forcefully lowered, but there was no denying the fact that he wanted to yell. Now, now he did, finally, he seemed angry.

"It wasn't the whole cheating that was right. It was the -" she broke off, taking a moment to lower her voice; she didn't want to be anywhere near hypocritical.

"The what?" He demanded, his grasp once again growing tighter and she couldn't turn her face back to his.

She shrugged her shoulders and mumbled, "Being with him." His grip released her and she stumbled backwards as he turned around and strode towards the window on the other side of the room.

He gazed out into the darkness and his hand ruffled through his hair, words unable to describe his feelings. She tried to wipe away those descending tears as she thought about what he was feeling. She was drowned in these thoughts she had, the strongest of them streaming from regret.

"Sam," she breathed out into the silence. What was there for her to say? She brought up this argument, and now she had to pay the price. She trembled even more as he marched his way back towards her.

"Doesn't being with me feel right to you?"

She had no idea what felt right anymore, not since she learned to avoid trusting her instincts and she walked out on the only thing that had ever been sufficiently right in her mind. Fairytales were seamed together with lies, all things wrong. No one ever got that happily ever after without pain, anyone loving gets hurt, and maybe Mitchie had loved too much, because it felt like all she knew was hurting. She was trying to move on, to hide in some disaster fable of an attempt at correctness. This was how she viewed it; Rightness is the true amalgamation of those jagged pieces of a puzzle; correctness is the corruption of this, attempting to have what is securely accurate, and not what fell into its truly twisted place. Correctness: the most sufficient place holder for the joining of complicated things. Rightness: the true combination that takes way too much effort to try to piece together and often brings pain. And even if all those large words made no sense to anyone else and seemed like they belonged in some academic essay, they made sense to her.

She tried to just grab this correctness when all she wanted was what felt right, but she didn't even know what felt right, and correctness was a matter of simplicity; she knew what was supposed to be done, so she reached for it. But the rightness was something she couldn't decipher; she had no clue what she felt, because she felt that both ends of the spectrum were substantial.

"It does," was all she could manage to mutter.

"Mitchie," he sighed, his hand reaching up, his caressing fingers wiping her tears away. She reached for his hand, pulled it from her face, and tangled her fingers in his.

"I'm sorry." She stammered, "You were right, I don't want to start a fight, but I keep feeling like these feelings won't go away. But, I can't have this fight."

And in instant lips collided, tears fell from one, dried from the other, and all other emotions surrendered to this, arms embraced, and between collisions, the lips tried to whisper out what seemed to be needed apologies.

Mitchie broke from this and then collapsed soundly into to Sam's arms. After a half an hour of just standing that way, she excused herself and bounded to the music room. She pulled out a guitar and strummed away. The song was all of her past feelings, it was a way for her to try to get them out, in hope they would be forever withdrawn, and correction would take its place and keep them out.

* * *

Dark, empty lofts are well, dark and empty. So Shane finally manned up a little and flipped a switch. He had been sitting like a bum for the past week; usually he was at least a little buzzed. He had been completely ignorant each time Nate or Jason came to talk to him. The only time he had left the building was when they had another interview to attend. This one had fortunately made no effort in discussing that painful topic of Mitchie Anderson.

He didn't know what that name was even supposed to mean to him. He hadn't even had the faintest idea of who Mitchie Anderson was; all he knew was Mitchie Torres, headstrong, vibrant, talented girl. He thought he knew this strange Mitchie Anderson, but he had just made that up when he had looked at her and saw the all too familiar Mitchie Torres. Maybe that was the mistake in all their actions; the façade of the past covered the truth of reality. He wished he had those days back; those days where it was clear who she was and who she wanted to be. But, just like their love, they were gone.

He was different, too. He didn't remember when he had changed; all he knew was that he was no longer that same teen musician. In some ways it was all for the better, but in others it wasn't so great.

After eight days he walked again, like a daily routine, to his kitchen. He pulled open the refrigerator. The spot he had favored the last week was empty; the beer all gone.

"Shit," he mumbled, striding to the door of his loft, grabbing his coat. He almost collided with Nate as he began to fly down the stairs.

"Where are you going?" Nate questioned.

"To the store," Shane answered vaguely. Nate put a hand out to stop him before he began to take off again.

"Whoa, did you forget we have to meet with our manager soon?" Shane looked at him in complete confusion. "You forgot?"

"You never told me." Shane defended. He had no recollection of such an event. He was probably wasted when Nate told him.

"Look, you're done with the drinking. Go shower or something, and you better have yourself down here in forty-five minutes." Nate instructed before he walked back down to his loft.

Shane stood there for a moment, still trying to remember Nate telling him. He gave up, and cursing, mumbling to himself he walked back in his loft. He angrily threw his coat to the couch before hopping in the shower.

He randomly decided that since it seemed that the drinking had to be over; this silly depression had to end, too. So he tried his hardest to get into a better mood before he left to go meet with the manager of Connect 3. On the ride, he actually spoke with Nate and Jason, and this seemed to put Nate in a better mood as well. But, he still couldn't help but think about Mitchie. He tried to push that away, but it didn't work, and the whole trying to finally cover it up thing made him put himself in a brighter mood. He just hoped he wouldn't have to fake forever.

* * *

It will get happier I promise. Hahaha. I hope this chapter was okay. The song Mitchie wrote in this chapter, I actually completed a song, I will maybe upload it to youtube, and post a link to it next chapter , keep reading, love you guys!


	12. Dream Chasing?

Took me long enough to update, huh? Hahaha. Sorry about that. Well, I hope you enjoy this chapter! don't forget wonderful reviews ;) haha. I really wanna know what you guys think, good and bad. Make predictions, do whatever. Haha, just review!

The next day, Mitchie tried to walk around with a smile set on her face, and she was for the most part successful. She went and visited her parents for a little while. Her mom had noticed her change in mood, and much to Mitchie's surprise she didn't mention Shane at all. When she had arrived back she was greeted happily into Sam's arms, and she didn't worry over his, what seemed to be, much too quick happiness. She _was_ still confused over it, but the last time she had brought it up, it just ending in more fighting and more tears, so she kept that underneath those smiles.

She spent an afternoon with Cate, laughing at all the funny two-year-old-things she did. Like when she was trying to match the 3-D shapes into the wrong holes in her shape puzzle and came up disappointed or when she spoke crazy nonsense to Mitchie. Mitchie continued to be happier as she made dinner, and sat down with her family to eat it.

"Mommy!" Cate cried out. Mitchie turned to find her daughter standing in her highchair, food covering her white shirt and pink pants.

"Sit down Cate, please." Mitchie told her, trying to pull her back down to a sitting position. Cate refused, shaking her two-year-old head, her golden curls bouncing about her face.

"Sit at table!" Cate suggested, pointing her small hand to one of the empty seats.

"Why don't you just sit in your highchair, sweetie?" Mitchie coaxed, only getting another disappointed shake of golden curls.

"Sit at big girl table, Mommy!" Cate pushed on, refusing any effort that tried to force her back down.

Mitchie looked to Sam who shrugged with a smile and a laugh. Mitchie sighed and pulled Cate from the blue and green highchair. She placed her in the empty seat and Cate smiled with glee as her food was placed in front of her.

"I a big girl." Cate beamed, and Sam laughed at his bubbly daughter and then smiled to his equally grinning wife.

Cate's head barely made it over the top of the table, but she persevered with all her effort to see everything and to get her small arms to her plate and bring the food back to herself. She ate all of her dinner with a glow of self-pride and it continued as she was watching TV and playing with all of her toys.

Mitchie was clearing all the dishes and cleaning up the table as she felt comforting arms wrap around her waist and a soothing and steady breathing was felt on her neck.

"Yes?" she asked, leaning back into the embrace.

"I'm glad you're in a better mood." Sam whispered, his lips close to her ear, and his voice was much too appealing to Mitchie.

"Yeah, me too." She agreed, twisting in his arms so she was facing him. "I'm sorry," she whispered slowly, feeling Sam's hand land on her hip.

"For what, babe?" he asked as his face was inching forward.

"For everything," she replied, getting caught up in the deep and enticing blue eyes in front of her and then she shook her head, "Can you stop for like a minute? I'm trying to talk to you." She pulled from his touch and he looked back at her, confused.

"Stop what?" he smirked, reaching for her hips again. She pulled away once more and treaded to the kitchen, placing dishes in the sink and turning back around to face him. "Sorry," he laughed.

"I don't know why you don't act upset, and I don't want you mad, but I'm sorry for making you feel…however it is all that made you feel." She babbled, not pulling back when his hand flew to hers and took it in its grasp.

"I am mad, but not as mad as I was, and I told you before, I'm not going to stress over it too much." He answered, his voice was, unfortunately, very ear-pleasing to Mitchie. She liked the way his words were all legato; smooth and flowing, melodious to her ears.

"Why?" she asked, pushing on for no apparent reason. He made a face as though he was asking why it even mattered anymore.

"The madness wasn't so much because of the fact you were doing that, but that you said you loved him." He responded and she looked down, escaping the blue orbs that had held her gaze, unsure of how to respond to that. But, she didn't have to, Sam was already connecting their lips and she just followed right along.

He wrapped his arms around her and smiled into her lips. She reached back and took hold of the edge of the counter, holding herself steady as Sam pulled her into him.

Her cell began to ring from its place on the counter, falling to the floor as it vibrated. She broke away and he allowed her to pick it up, only to pull her into his arms once more.

"Shane?" she whispered as she read the caller-id. She couldn't help but take note that Sam's clutch grew tighter at the name and she answered the call.

"Hello?" She tried twirling from the embrace, but Sam's one arm was still looped around her waist.

"Mitchie, I have great news." Shane announced quickly, he sounded excited, and Mitchie instinctively grinned.

"Yeah?" she asked, excitement filling through her even though she had no idea what she had to be excited about. Sam watched intensely, not knowing what the smile could mean.

"We had a meeting with our manager today, and he said that if you recorded a demo CD of like a few songs and we present it to the record company and they like it they'll release your first single and then if it gets a good response we can complete a full album!" He spoke quickly, staccato as opposed to his also melodious voice, without taking a single breath and when he finished Mitchie was completely frozen. It was all so overwhelming and she had no idea what to make of it.

"Wait, are you serious?" was the first thing her frozen brain seemed to come up with.

"Absolutely," he replied immediately, "isn't this great?"

"Yeah," she breathed, still completely astound at it all.

"So what do you think?" She stood silent, the phrases rang through her head; _demo CD, single, full album._ All things she had long left behind, and now she could put all the torn pieces back together.

"Um, I need to call you back, bye." She hung up and held out her hand limply and blinked her eyes a few times before letting out a laugh. She fell back against the counter and tried to let it all soak in. Sam had let go of her and now he was standing in front of her looking confused once again.

"What is it?" he asked smiling at her laugh and her grin.

"Wow," she stated, pushing lose pieces of her hair back in place.

"What?" Sam asked again, laughing along with her.

She stood silent for a moment and then told everything to Sam, her voice getting more and more excited as she told him the news. She couldn't help but feel completely vivacious about it all. It wasn't for sure yet that the demo would come out well or that the single would appeal to people, but to Mitchie it already had. She thought back to the days when all those things had already happened and about how now she could slowly crawl her way to the top. All of this made her feel like she was a teenager again, only this time was different; this time was a chance to start over new and continue doing what she loved so much to do.

"Mitchie, that's great!" Sam beamed, pulling her in for a congratulatory hug.

"Yeah," she sighed, hugging him back. He cradled her in his arms, not breaking even once to put his lips to their favorite place. She looked up at him, "So I should do it?"

"Hell yes!" He responded with a laugh. She nodded happily.

"Well, what if, if I do make it?" she asked, her mind still trying to wrap around it.

"What do you mean?"

"You and Cate," she told him, her voice telling him it should've been obvious. He shrugged his shoulders with a laugh.

"We'll figure that out when we get there." He told her.

"Okay," she whispered. She felt new, well, not new, but different; back to her old self. She didn't realize it but she had drifted into all of her thoughts. She could see herself on stage carried away by music, cheering coming from every direction. She saw herself in a studio, headphones on her head, a smile on her lips, the music in front of her, but the true feeling of it coming from her mouth, from her heart, into the microphone. She saw fun parties, cute little dresses and tons of people. She could feel what she had long forgotten; how to really, truly smile. She saw her old self; all her outfits, her hair, her one album, and with regret she saw her second album, never completed because she had left that behind when she left Shane.

She remembered how hard that was, to leave all that. First, she had to cancel the upcoming tour getting remarks from upset fans and news reporters, she learned to ignore them. Then she cancelled the album and after she had said some bitchy things to interviewers after being so upset and heartbroken the label dropped her, and she breathed a sigh of relief, even though she had just thrown away all that she had ever wanted. She had cancelled interviews and slowly stopped attending parties, after seeing Shane at a few. She cried, boy, did she cry a lot. She couldn't remember not crying back then. She remembered that after she cancelled the tour and the album Shane had called her. She, of course, refused to answer. She deleted all of his voice mails before even listening to them. She didn't want him to keep doing that, it made it so much harder for her to accept the fact that they had shared a final good-bye, one that was supposed to stay a good-bye because she didn't want either of them to be in pain ever again, no matter how much love they had felt for each other.

She remembered going home and not appearing in public for a long time. She didn't want to sign autographs, she didn't want to take pictures; she wanted it all gone, just because she wanted Shane gone. She did keep the letter Shane finally wrote, but she didn't read it until much later, not until she met Sam, she read it after going home the first time Sam had told her he loved her and she truthfully told him the same thing. But, she felt that she owed it to Shane to read the letter. She still remembered it;

_Mitchie,_

_ Why are you doing this? Why are you giving up your life because you gave up me? I know I hurt you sometimes, we hurt each other, but you can't hurt yourself this way. Music is who you are and now you're leaving it behind. I respect your decision to leave me, but I hate what you are doing right now. Please, for me, don't do this. I can't bear to see you throw your whole life away because of your decision. Yeah, you do know this is your fault, not mine. I'm not saying it's your fault we are both utterly heartbroken, but it's your fault that you are giving up your dream when you don't have to. I don't even know what else to say. I can't beg you to turn around, because it is no longer my place to do so. I, as your biggest fan, just wish that you would reconsider this all. I know you hate me and had to get away from me, and even though sometimes I can't help but feel hate towards you, I know that what we had is stronger than any hate I could ever feel. I want you to keep chasing your dreams because that's what you've always been best at. Don't give this up, please don't._

_ Shane_

By the time she had read that it was already too late, she had already stopped dream chasing, and she had already given up. She sometimes wished that Shane wasn't so passionate, because it made everything so much harder. After reading the letter she had, in vain, tore it to pieces, and then felt even worse for doing so.

For years she always did everything to avoid him. She always changed the channel on the TV when something about him or Connect 3 came up. She always changed radio stations when she heard the familiar voices and songs. She always avoided magazines with the slightest reference to the band. It seemed liked it was her only way to survive it all, to just forget. She hated herself for that, and Shane was right, it was all her fault that she lost everything she had ever loved.

She missed her old self a lot, and she couldn't push away that one haunting thing her mind kept bringing up. She lost her old self when letting go of Shane, it seemed like he was the only one who ever kept that old self together; he was the one who helped her find that girl. But, she pushed that thought down, because as true as it may have been, it was wrong for her to miss him so much. He was just a friend now, and as horrible as that was it had ways to make her feel comfortable.

"What are you thinking about, babe?" Sam finally pulled her from her inexhaustible thoughts. She instinctively smiled up at him.

"My old self," she said. He nodded and finally let her go. He asked nothing more, but with a large smile took her hand, and they both accompanied Cate in the living room, placing themselves on the couch.

"Look!" Cate pointed to a pile of blocks. The pile looked to be more than ten blocks high.

"Did you do that? All by yourself?" Sam cooed to his daughter and Cate grinned while nodding quickly.

"Good job, sweetie." Mitchie smiled, pulling Cate into her arms as she walked over to her parents.

But, within seconds Cate jumped from her arms and toddled to the wobbling structure. Much to Mitchie's surprise, she poked one of the middle blocks and watched in delight as all of the blocks came tumbling down and scattered around the floor.

"Why did you do that?" Mitchie laughed.

"Fun!" Cate giggled clapping her hands together and turning back to her parents.

"You are one silly girl, Cate." Sam said, taking his daughter into his lap.

After sitting for a while with Cate and watching the TV, Mitchie decided it was time to put the bubbly two year old to bed. She could tell Cate was getting tired and she was tired herself, even if it was only nine. Mitchie carried the squirming girl up the stairs and after much struggle finally got her into her pajamas. Sam had come up to help her after hearing her, with laughs, yell at Cate to stop moving around so much. As soon as Cate was all set for bed Sam took her.

"I'll put her down. Why don't you go call Shane back?" He said placing his hand on the small of Mitchie's back, who nodded, and couldn't help but feel all of her happy thoughts come rushing back. She was finally going to get a second chance, even if she didn't deserve one.

"Shane?" Cate's voice perked up; of course Shane was an innocent friendship in her two-year-old mind. She had gotten along well with him. The first thing Mitchie did was turn her head towards Sam, who, angry and upset or not, made no point of showing it.

"Sorry," Mitchie whispered softly, questioningly, before treading out the door and down the stairs.

She couldn't help but worry about the fact that she had no idea how Cate sounding pleased at the mention of Shane made Sam feel. She tried to shrug it away and she picked up her phone. It didn't take Shane long to answer.

"Hey," she could hear his smile coming from the other line.

"Hey," she parroted, slouching down into the couch.

"And…?" he asked. She grinned again.

"Of course," was all that she said, and the confirmation made her stomach lurch and she felt the immediate rush of butterflies, good butterflies.

"You're going to do it?"

"That's what I said, isn't it?" She laughed and heard his laughter.

"This is so great! You can't even begin to imagine how happy I am for you!" She _could_ imagine; his voice was so familiar to her, the way he always had sounded when he was happy; his voice still smooth even though the pace was picked up, and she could always hear his smile.

"Even though you hated me for leaving it all in the first place?" she murmured quietly. She could hear the fall of his face and the way his happiness must have faded just a bit. She thought of the letter again. She didn't understand why she was always bringing up the bad things, like she wanted all of the drama in her life. It confused her, and scared her, who knows what she would say one day.

"What are you talking about?"

"Your letter," she answered.

"My letter?" there was a pause and she bit her lip. "Oh, my letter; I didn't think you ever read that."

"I didn't think I ever would read it. But, I did. Like two years after you sent it." She laughed lightly, but it didn't feel right.

"I don't hate you, I never did." He told her softly.

"But that's what the letter said." She responded instantly, pulling her legs up to her body and wrapping her free arm around them.

"I know what the letter said," He almost screamed back, then he calmed, "look, Mitchie, I want you to forget that letter. Please?"

"Why?"

"Because, I don't know, because it's not important. It means nothing." He explained quickly.

"It meant something when you sent it." _There I go again_, she thought.

"I thought it did. When I wrote it…I was so mad at you for just leaving it all. I didn't really hate you, I just hated your decision…and I thought–then–that I hated you."

"Well, I never hated you either."

"I know," he sighed.

"You had every right to hate me, though, you know that right? It's okay if you really did."

"Just stop! Please, Mitchie?" He commanded, and she fell in composure. She heard Sam's footsteps. "Look, forget all that. Just, move on."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have just yelled at you. Can you just do what I asked, for me?" He said the same thing in the letter, and this time she would listen, she owed it to him. She owed him so much. She felt a tear slip down, but she wiped it away.

"Okay," she whispered, she saw Sam emerge in the dark room and he looked at her in confusion and worry. She changed the subject; "So, um, how does this work?"

"Well, it would be best if you could get here soon. We need to write. Well you do, unless you want us to help?" She was glad he had moved from the subject as quickly as she did, especially with Sam in the room.

"No, I definitely want you guys to be with me through the whole thing." She told him, and she smiled.

"Okay, well, Mark told us that the demo should be recorded by March." Mark was their manager. She thought for a second; it was February. She couldn't help but laugh. "I know which is why you gotta get up here, like as soon as possible."

Sam had placed himself next to Mitchie, and was still watching her closely, but she had turned her head away.

"Okay, like in a few days?"

"Like now." He laughed and she couldn't help but to laugh along. "But, yeah, a few days should be fine. Just let me know exactly when."

"Okay, I'll talk it over with Sam and then call you back." She smiled, images of crowds and stage lights flooding her head again.

"Sounds perfect, well, I've gotta get going. Talk to you soon. I can't wait for this all to happen."

"Yeah, me too, bye," she hung up and then finally turned to Sam who seemed tense. All happy images faded and she wanted to turn back around.

"Can we get there in a few days?" she asked quietly, his tense demeanor never breaking, which although she didn't show it scared her.

"If that's what you need." He responded blankly, yet almost angrily.

"Should we bring Cate?"

"Whatever you want, Mitchie," She trembled at this, and she noticed that her leg was shaking nervously.

"Well, what do you want?" she stood up shakily and turned on the light.

"Why were you crying?"

"What do you mean?" She defended instinctively as she slowly walked back over to the couch.

"What did he say to you on the phone that made you cry?" She didn't know why he was even asking this; she shed only a few tears, and besides, she thought angrily, it wasn't even his business.

"Nothing!" she barked, turning from the couch and wincing as Sam stood as well, standing behind her turned, statue-still body.

"Yes, Mitchie, he did! What did he say?" he asked again and when she shook her head, he pulled her around forcefully.

"He didn't do anything wrong. Is this because Cate likes him?" she rebutted, anger in the pits of her voice.

"What letter were you talking about? Why did you talk to him about stuff like that?"

"Stop! He didn't do anything. We can talk about whatever we want. It doesn't matter anymore. Why do you care?" She spit out at him, whirling herself back around, crossing her shaking arms over her chest. She could've calmly explained to Sam what had occurred, but for some reason she had lashed out.

"Why do I care? Because I'm your husband." He retorted and even though she didn't want to, Mitchie felt the tears fall from her eyes. Right then that fan surrounded stage seemed so far away, when minutes ago it was practically in her grasp.

"Thanks for ruining this night, Sam." She hissed at him, even though she knew it wasn't his fault. It was her fault; she got angry first.

"I'm sorry, Mitchie." His voice was lowered, and he placed his hand on her shoulder. She shrugged it off; she wasn't in the mood to apologize back. To her his apology was more of a plea.

"You can't fix this."

"Fix what? What he did? What made you cry?" he tried to keep his voice steady, and she felt a pang of regret deep down in her stomach. She wished Sam hadn't been so protective over her at that moment, when it really didn't matter. Where was that before?

"Never mind, I don't know what I meant. But, you don't have to act this way because Cate likes him." she snapped back.

"Well, of course that upsets me! Mitchie, baby, look here." He pleaded with her again, and she shook her head.

"Why are you acting like this? Because of what you guys were talking about? It upset you didn't it? You know I'm right." He said when she neither spoke nor turned around. She did know he was right. He had hit the nail square on the head.

Where had all those happy thoughts gone? Why was she always making her situation worse? And why did she not apologize this time? She scared herself, and she knew that wasn't right.

"Goodnight Sam." She whispered and she bounded up the stairs into their bedroom, locking the door. She fell against it and slid her body down.

What did she just do? It didn't even make sense. Nothing made sense to her anymore. She was so mad at herself at that moment, but she didn't want to cave yet, she didn't know what she was trying to prove or anything, but she needed to do…whatever she was doing. She cried. As simple as that, she just cried. She didn't know why she did the things she did anymore. She heard the knocking at the door.

"Baby, I'm sorry. Can we just talk?" Sam continued to knock as he spoke.

"In the morning," she replied, her voice cracking.

"Fine, but sometimes you really do scare me." He stated and she let out a sob.

"Me too." she whispered.

"Whatever's bothering you, I'll help you. If you're scared of being close to Shane again, then of course I'll help." She heard footsteps and knew he left. And then it hit her, like a big yellow school bus, he was right. She lashed out in fear. She didn't want to hurt Sam again, but why did she push him away like that? She was afraid she'd see Shane and it would all be a mess again. That was her whole fear, and she didn't even know until someone else told her. She decided she wasn't going to let her stop her from chasing her dreams. That's what Shane had said in the letter, and he was right. Of course he was right, he always was, everyone around her always ways, and most of the time she decided to ignore them and find out on her own.

She crawled into her bed, and she knew that everything she just did was wrong. She knew she had to change her ways, and when the morning broke she _would_ talk to Sam. She would tell him everything she had held in about Shane, because that was the only way to show him how sorry she really was for acting out so irrationally. She owed him that much and she wanted to let go of all those feelings. She had held them in for six years, and it was time to let her husband know all of her, because that's what she had vowed to him when she said I do.

She fell asleep soon, but she couldn't stay asleep for long. She had tip-toed down to the living room and found Sam sleeping on the pull-out couch. He only had a small blanket to warm him, and she smiled. She crawled in next to him, and wrapped her arms around his well sculpted torso, pulling herself closer.

"I suppose this means you want me to forgive you?" His voice startled her.

"We'll talk in the morning, go back to sleep, but, yeah, I'm sorry." She whispered lightly.

He flipped himself over, and wrapped her in his arms. "You've better tell me everything then." She smiled to him in the darkness. She was going to try to say all of the right things from now on, even if it was harder than saying all of the wrong ones. She still didn't know why she always did that or why she managed to get so upset over nothing.

"I've already decided I would." She curled into him, and buried her head in his chest, whispering another apology and she pecked his neck, his skin warm and soft on her lips. "And could you stop being right all the damn time?"

Oh, Mitchie. Haha. She can be like me…or I can be like her…same diff, haha. Idk, was that all overwhelming or anything? Let me know. It all felt right as I wrote, but I wanna know what ya'll think. haha ya'll. Saying ya'll makes me laugh hahaha. Anyways, keep reading and stuff!


	13. update thing

Remember how I told you all I wrote a song for Mitchie? She wrote it in chapter 11. "She pulled out a guitar and strummed away. The song was all of her past feelings, it was a way for her to try to get them out, in hope they would be forever withdrawn, and correction would take its place and keep them out." was the part in the chapter. Well here is a link to the song:

.com/watch?v=jfCJL_1iKi0

fanfiction keeps taking the youtube part out of the link! gah! haha just copy and past and put youtube in front!

Yes, I wrote it, and yes, that is me. Haha I hope you enjoy it!!!


	14. Miracleand Dreams From The Past

Sorry it has taken so long for this chapter to get finished! I've had so much going on, with school and family stuff. But school ends soon so I will be able to update much sooner. I hope you enjoy it. The song in this chapter is Miracle by Paramore. I love Paramore. Haha Anyways enjoy!

* * *

The concentrating and comforting deep blue orbs looked at Mitchie in a gaze of understanding and of sympathy. They had watched while well tuned ears listened and they had followed her through her winding story like they were gliding across the pages of a broken-hearted and finished, but barely started fairytale. She had tried her hardest not to stare into their pits of emotion as she spoke of the past and what she had left behind.

She spoke of Camp Rock and the start of an innocent yet malignant relationship that surpassed expected finished lines but burst the boundaries of pain. She told of the chase-worthy thrills of the large stages and the widely acknowledged parties that ensued at every corner of her ever forward-bound life. She surprised herself by making it through the long tale without the trace of even a single tear. Never had she been able to be so open with the memories that she had long locked down. It felt right to share the best yet most difficult few years of her life with the owner of the azure orbs.

Sam had the right to know each and every aspect of her life. After she finished her narrative and took a story-telling hiatus to breathe she told of other plaguing thoughts. She told Sam about how she felt and about her inability to keep her pessimistic and sometimes rude mouth shut when she really wanted and needed to. The pits of clear blue sky gazed to her with worry at times during this discussion and when he thought she was about ready to cry he placed his hand on hers and breathed her name to tell her it was okay, she didn't need to stop talking, but she didn't need to continue to speak either. She looked down and fidgeted her body in the pull-out couch they were still in. Sam had removed his shirt at some point during the night because the living room was being overheated and he was too lazy to leave his sleeping wife and turn off the heat.

"What do you want to do, baby?" he questioned and she looked up at him and when her answer never came she fell into his arms and rested against his bare chest.

"I just want to get there and pick up the pieces." She finally said as Sam laid back into the makeshift bed and she had ended up lying mostly on him.

"I guess we better get up then, huh?" He chuckled as he twisted some of her hair around. She moaned at the comment and she let her eyelids fall as she muttered something about how glad she was Cate decided to sleep in that day.

"What time is it?" she slurred as she tried to keep from falling back asleep. All she had done was tell Sam basically everything and that had been tiring for her. She knew he had closed his eyes as well because it took him a length of time to finally tell her it was almost nine.

"Are we leaving today?" She asked from her place on his rhythmically rising and falling chest.

"I don't know." He trailed as sleep tried to pull him back into its grasp. She groaned again and when they made a consensus to get up and check online for flight schedules and prices they allowed the silence to take them and sleep to pull them back.

They had both finally awoken when Cate had crawled from her crib and made her way downstairs to find them on her own.

"Why sleeping here?" she asked as she forced her way in between them. Sam chuckled at his daughter as he pulled her closer to him.

"I guess we really do have to get up now." Mitchie smiled as she finally opened her eyes and beamed to her daughter and she began to hum as she sat up and stretched. She stood from the bed and turned the TV on for Cate. As she began to glide around the bed and place Cate on the floor so she could fold the bed back up she had to stop.

"Sam," she said blankly as he drifted back to sleep. He gave a wave of his hand and she sighed. "I need to fold the bed up, please get up." He made no effort to move so she smacked his arm, only getting a groan from him. "Sam, I'm serious." She saw him grin. "I mean it!" When he still didn't move she smacked him again, hoping he would finally get up.

"It's too comfy here." He told her and she sighed again. By now the morning sunlight was leaking in through the windows and it was gaining on ten o'clock.

With her arms folded, Mitchie thought of ways to get Sam up. Pulling him out was out of the question, he would be able to keep himself still. She plopped down on the edge next to him and sighed once more.

"Sam, baby, get up." She whispered softly into his ear, "for me?" He only grinned once more and she threw up her hands in defeat and then smirked when an idea hit her. She inched her way to his face, and she knew that he knew what was coming so as her lips neared his she stopped a centimeter away. He instantaneously wrapped his arms around her and she was forced down to his lips. She tried to pull herself up so he would follow, but he was too strong for her.

"That's not fair!" she squeaked when he finally broke the kiss.

"No, your plan just wasn't good enough." He teased and she frowned at him.

"Just get up, jerk." He shook his head with a smile and pulled her closer. She had no choice but to pull her whole body onto the bed. "You really are a jerk."

Thinking he won, he released his grasp and Mitchie was quick to jump up on the pull-out bed and laugh with victory as she almost stumbled off. As he reached up to pull her down she jumped from the bed and ran to the kitchen receiving laughs from Cate. She laughed along and watched as Sam finally got up from the bed and followed her into the kitchen.

"How juvenile," he scolded her mockingly. She folded her arms and raised her eyebrows at him as he glided his way towards her with open arms. She shook her head, but he had her cornered and he picked her up and she squealed. She tried to release herself but his grasp was too tight. He laughed at her and as he reached the living room he dropped her to the pull out bed and let himself fall on top of her. He held himself up with his forearms and kept her pinned down.

"I hate you." She joked through her clenched teeth. She tried to blow her tangled hair from her face, but with no prevail. He took the liberty of doing it for her and as it fell around her he pecked her lips before finally pushing himself off and pulling her up with him.

"Thank you," she said, "now, go turn on the computer."

"Yes, ma'am," he joked and she was finally able to put the bed back. She smiled at her daughter who was singing along with the TV. She tossed the soft blanket to the ground and she folded the bed up and placed the cushions back to their proper places. She huffed out air as she plopped down to the couch and pulled her daughter onto her lap.

Again, images flooded through her head; she could envision the stages once more. A smile flew to her lips. She could feel the wave of emotions that would take over when there were standing ovations for her once again. That was always the best part; to know that all those people loved you and your music when all of it is so easy and the music was for you personally. It always made the tides of her stomach rise and the bona fide smile form on her lips. It always made her feel invincible and on top.

"Baby, come here," Sam called from the computer. Mitchie pulled herself from the thoughts and then placed Cate on the couch.

"What?" she asked as she strode towards Sam. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pointed to the screen.

"Here are the flight schedules. We could do the four o' clock today. Is that cool?" She looked to him and smiled.

"Perfect."

"I thought so." And he kissed her, pulled her in and kissed her hard. "This is perfect for you. It's what you need, it's what's been screwing you over for so long." And then he kissed her again.

"It isn't even official yet, Sam."

"I know, but you can see it already. _I_ can see it in your eyes." He told her between kisses.

"I'll call Shane." She said, turning so she could go to get her phone. Sam held her tight and just kissed her, over and over.

"I love you," he breathed, "so much."

"I love you too." She finally managed to pull away and she hurried upstairs to call Shane. She picked up the phone with an air of happiness and waited as it rang.

"Mitchie!" Shane answered.

"We're gonna take the four o' clock today. Is that good?" she asked quickly, falling to her bed and sprawling out in joy. She could already see the pieces falling together.

"Awesome! We'll meet you guys at the airport then, I guess." He responded and his joy was as obvious as hers. She played with her hair as they spoke.

"That sounds good." She said, "This is all so amazing."

"Yea, it is. Well look, I gotta go right now. But…I can't wait to see you later. Bye, Mitch."

"Bye, Shane." She whispered quietly as she hung up the phone.

As she breathed deeply, still taking it all in, Sam appeared above her. She whispered a silly little hello and he leaned down to kiss her.

"Shane said they'd meet us at the airport." She told him as he took a moment to just look at her. He nodded swiftly before taking over her lips again.

"Sam," she tried to demand him off, but he was much too good at what he did when he kissed her that way; the way he did it with meaning, but for no real reason, when he just kissed her and there still managed to be a batch of love within. It was all so easy for him, and she fell under the spell every time.

"We'll pack soon." He thought aloud as he took a split second break before reconnecting their lips. She nodded in agreement and she meant to get up then, but his lips began to trail down her jaw line and he had her entranced. She wasn't sure what had brought all of this on after the night before, and everything before, but she had a feeling it had to deal with openness, and letting him know who she truly was, even if she still had the feeling she was still looking for that girl, or well, that woman.

"And I guess we'll bring Cate for now." She continued as he kissed her neck and knew all the ways to keep her as entranced as he could, despite the fact that she knew she had to get up. His hands found her hips and gripped them tight, forcing her into him. Both hearts quickened, and both had breathing that was starting to stagger.

"Sam, please." Neither was sure if this was a plea for more or a demand for less, but he didn't care, he moved his lips down further. He pushed them both up onto the bed further.

After being entranced for much longer than she wanted, she finally managed to grip his shoulders and push him back before it got any farther.

"What?" he panted. She just shook her head and pulled herself out from under him. She composed herself, standing from the bed. Sam stood and walked to her, wrapping around her.

"What's wrong, baby?" he asked as he rested his cheek on hers.

"Nothing's wrong, just not now Sam." She unraveled herself from his arms and treaded to the walk in closet, opening the door and stepping inside. He was quick to follow right behind her.

"You say that too much."

"Can you go downstairs and get Cate some breakfast and I will begin to pack my stuff. Also, buy those tickets before it's too late. And um –" she put her hand to her forehead and then ran it through her hair before looking to Sam who was leaning against the closet door frame. "Yeah, just do that, please. Thanks, baby." She added the last part hoping he wasn't upset.

"Whatever you need, babe," he said before giving her one last kiss and then leaving the room.

She glanced around the closet, looking for what to pack. What would she wear if the guys wanted to go out somewhere fun? What would she wear to meet their manager and then the head of the label? What would she wear to just go out during the day? She grabbed some skinny jeans and then dug for her jackets. They were all mostly the older, not mother, her. She glanced down; maybe she needed to lose some weight? No, she never actually gained much; she was suddenly becoming extremely self-conscious. She hadn't really felt that way for quite some time. She was beginning to think of what other people would think of her again. It wasn't that bad of a feeling; it was human-nature, but it wasn't good for her. She began to fidget her hands with the ends of her hair as she looked though all of her clothes. She pulled out dresses and tons of belts. And then something hit her.

She got her phone from the bed and then dialed Nate's number.

"How long should I be packing for?" she asked after he answered.

"Oh, man, I have no idea." He responded with a laugh.

"Gah! Well, that is no help, Nate." She laughed.

"Just bring enough for two weeks for now. Knowing you, you'll probably want to buy some clothes when you get here." He teased her. She nodded to herself with a laugh.

"Alright, I'll see you when we land. I can't wait. See ya then, Nate. Give Jason some love for me, and I love you, too."

"Love you like a sis." He said, remembering the old days.

"Just like a brother." She smiled, that was the way they used to say goodbye. He had been one of her best friends and he was always there for her when she needed him. She hung up and finished ripping her way through her closet.

She had pulled out all sorts of things; she just forced them all in her largest suitcase, sighing when the top finally closed over the large bundle. She clicked the clasps into place and went downstairs. Soon they were all packed, and Mitchie decided to hop in the shower. When she was out and ready it was time to leave.

"Alright, Cate, come here so Mommy can put you in your car seat." Mitchie called to Cate who was running around the yard with Sam playing a mini game of tag and giggling.

"Okay, come on Cate." Sam repeated, walking to the car. Smiling, Cate shook her head and ran in a toddle to the backyard. Sam laughed and Mitchie lightly shook her head. She began to follow Cate.

"Come on, sweetie," she said when Cate appeared in her view. Cate ran to refuge behind the trunk of a tree, peeking a few times at her mom. "Please?"

"No, mommy, stay here." She said as she pointed to the ground to emphasize her point. "Daddy and I having fun!"

"Not now Cate, just please come on." The only response Mitchie got was the shaking of Cate's head.

"The car boring." Cate told her mom as if it were obvious. Mitchie sighed.

"Now, you need to come over here or mommy is going to pick you up and put you in your seat." Mitchie reprimanded.

"Just a little longer mommy!" Cate pleaded, as she came to a stop, taking heed of the ultimatum she was given. "Please!"

"No, Cate, now. This is very important for mommy." Cate shook her head once more and Mitchie, even though she hated being strict, got irritated with her daughter's lack of cooperation.

"I no like the car!" Cate exclaimed. This wasn't the first time Cate refused to get in the car, so the exclamation was redundant, because Mitchie already knew what she was dealing with.

"Emiliana Caitlyn Graciela Anderson, you are getting in the car." Mitchie ordered, letting her patience get the best of her and her mom's Hispanic heritage seep into her voice. They had decided when Cate was born that it would be much easier to call her Caitlyn than Emiliana. The Caitlyn was after her godmother.

"Whoa, full name, this must be serious." Sam appeared next to Mitchie - his arm draping around her - and had attempted to lighten the mood. In a pout Cate made her way to her parents and let her mother pick her up and take her to the car.

"Thank you sweetie," Mitchie commended with a sigh as she hooked Cate into her seat.

Even through the car ride to the airport Mitchie couldn't believe what was happening. She tried to make sense of it; so she comes back into contact with her ex – that she had tried her hardest to avoid since she had to end it – and then she gets her dream back, the one she gave up when that ex became the ex. It was like that simple fact was trying to tell her something. But she knew best to ignore it. She was excited to be able to do what she loved to do again, but something about this ride to her dreams was nerve racking for her. It was confusing for her, but she knew she was the one making everything confusing.

* * *

Shane, Nate, and Jason had arrived at the LAX thirty minutes before Mitchie's plane was scheduled to arrive and the place was bursting with people just as it always was. They had worn sunglasses the whole time, but there was no way they could go completely undercover. When they had taken their first steps through the door an overly excited fan came rushing over. She had to be around fourteen years old. And they had watched as she had tried to get her mom's attention away from the arguing security guard who wanted to search her bag once more, but she ended up sprinting her way to them by herself.

"Oh, my God, it's really you! Oh, my God," she squealed. They smiled at her and said hello in their meet-and-greet sort of fashion.

"Mom! Get over here with the camera!" She yelled across the bustle of the airport when her mom and the guard had finally given up their fight. Slowly, her mom had made her way over.

"Can I take a picture with you guys?" She asked, and of course they weren't going to say no to a fan so they huddled around her and smiled for the camera, something they had done millions of times before. Finally they gave the hyper girl a few autographs and made their way across the airport to where they could wait for Mitchie.

Shane slumped down, tired, in a chair. They had gotten up earlier than usual so they could have a small meeting with their manager. Their manager made the meeting early because he was taking a short trip to Europe and had to leave early. Shane hated to get up early and it almost always made him grumpy. He had this strange feeling from the moment they stepped out of the car and into the airport parking lot. He was more than happy to be seeing Mitchie, but the thought of seeing her again after everything that had happened in the last few weeks made him really nervous. He didn't know why he was nervous or what was making him nervous, but he was. He was still mad at Mitchie, even though he tried his hardest to convince himself that he wasn't. Why was he mad? He didn't know, he thought that when Mitchie let everything happen that just maybe he would be hers again and the world would be back to the way he always thought it should be. But he didn't want to think about that, Mitchie had already made her 'through sickness and in health, until death do us part' promises with Sam. She was in no way his, as much as she had made him believe she was. He regretted the day he left, obeying Mitchie's commands. But, that was all he wanted to do; make Mitchie happy. And she had seemed so happy, but she decided her happiness would be best with Sam and he couldn't change that. He knew that for a fact because he had already tried.

"Liven up a little." Nate said, taking Shane from his thoughts and back to the noise of the airport. "Mitchie will be here in like twenty minutes, you don't want to be grumpy then."

"Yeah, whatever. If he hadn't made us get up so early..." and that was that, Nate let it go; once Shane was pissy, he wasn't going to change.

Shane sat staring blankly out the window; half asleep, watching planes land and take off. He couldn't wait to just get back home and write songs – with Mitchie. His head quickly turned to a couple who began to argue behind him, startling him awake. They looked like they were in the very early twenties and the girl seemed to be mad at her boyfriend, trying to tell him something. Shane rolled his eyes at the scene they were making and turned his head back, his eyelids falling as he tried to rest; it had become an endeavor to keep them open, and he had no problem surrendering to them.

"You're ruining my life!" he heard the girl shout and he felt a pang in his heart. He knew the hurt feeling that the guy must have been feeling. Those words stung deep. And, suddenly, he was pulled into a painful flashback.

_He had been driving like a maniac down the familiar roads to Mitchie's. They had been kept twenty minutes later than planned at their meeting for their upcoming tour. He had run from the building and to his car in a record speed and cursed his luck when he found himself in traffic._

_"God! Come on!" He shouted to himself. _Mitchie's going to kill me, _he thought. They had planned a dinner with her parents and he was already twenty minutes late and it would take at least ten more minutes for him to get there. His fingers tapped nervously on the wheel and his free foot was bouncing his leg up and down in nerves._

_He had already upset Mitchie in the last week or so and he didn't want to think about what could be coming. It would all be an overtaken road; they would call it quits in the heat of the moment and then be back together at some point. Was that really what he wanted? Again? He knew they were unraveling at the ends like a worn shoe lace, and Mitchie was becoming more and more irritated with small things. He didn't blame her, he was too. It was like those frayed ends were getting harder and harder to tie and soon enough they would probably just pull the knot loose and let be what should be. It was like trying to hold on to something that was already gone, just dreams from the past. It was something he couldn't explain to people when they asked why they continued to see each other. He couldn't explain his irrevocable love and when he looked in her eyes he knew she couldn't either. They both knew how to follow their heart, and if that's what it led to, they weren't going to let go. He had already planned to make sure they got back on track that night, but it seemed almost impossible now and he wasn't even there yet._

I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive  
So I'm going to start over tonight  
Beginning with you and I

_Thirty minutes later than expected, he had finally made it to her house, thinking up his apologies in his head as he rang the doorbell and waited for the answer. Connie had answered the door and as Shane stepped into the kitchen he saw Mitchie sitting at her seat, looking at him with a glare that made him feel nervous and horrible. He saw her raging eyes and knew she had been crying at some point and it took all his will not to break there. _

_"Mitchie, I don't know how to tell you how sorry I am." He burst out and he watched as she rolled her sad eyes. _

_"It's alright. Just come sit down." Connie said, motioning to the seat next to Mitchie. He apologized once more and as he sat he went to kiss those lips he loved so much. But, Mitchie jerked her head quickly and his lips met her cheek. _

_"Hi, Shane." She whispered softly, but he heard her anger. _

_"I'm so sorry, Mitch." He told her once again. _

_"Whatever," she responded. He could already see her telling him to leave that night, but something felt different about this time. _

When this memory fades  
I'm gonna make sure it's replaced  
With chances taken  
Hope embraced

_They had finally finished dinner and Mitchie pulled him to her room. He followed her and as she shut the door behind him he suddenly felt trapped, like he was in the lion's den._

And have I told you

_Suddenly her voice was shooting out at him, "You're late again." He had tried to open his mouth and explain but was cut off. She continued, "__don't tell me, the interview went longer than you thought, or maybe you were stuck in traffic, wait, I got it; picking your next tour outfit is more important than me. I don't care if you had a good excuse, you could have at least warned me, like texting or something, but no, I was stuck waiting for thirty minutes and you weren't showing up. Do you know how embarrassing that is? To have my family waiting to share a lovely dinner with you, but you ruin it, just like – just like you've ruined…" her voice got soft and he watched helplessly as the tears began to fall from her eyes. He could've texted her, but he hadn't thought of that when he was speeding down the highway or cursing at the cars in front of him. _

_"Mitch, I said I'm sorry, stop being this way, we made it through dinner, why are you freaking out now? And what have I ruined?" He tried to get his apology across but it was difficult, his words jumbled and he was feeling anger begin inside him._

_"My life Shane, alright, you've ruined my life." She replied quickly. He couldn't help but let a small laugh fall from his frowning lips. _

_"I've ruined your life, really?" he asked her, feeling the pain of those words, because maybe she was right. But, he wasn't going to let this happen. Not if he knew how much she loved being with him. And he felt the same way._

I'm not going  
cause I've been waiting for a miracle  
And I'm not leaving  
I won't let you  
Let you give up on a miracle  
When it might save you

_"Yes Shane, all the fights, all the break-ups, all the things we've both done wrong." She told him and she turned the other way and walked to the other side of the room, swiping a picture from her dresser. He knew the picture well, he loved that picture; they were embracing, looking deep in each other's eyes and smiling. "I can't take it anymore!" she blurted after looking at the picture for a moment._

We've learned to run from  
Anything uncomfortable  
We've tied our pain below and no one ever has to know  
That inside we're broken

_"Then why haven't you left me yet?" he asked harshly as he felt the pain of her much anticipated breakdown. Maybe he should've have been breaking down too. _

I tried to patch things up again  
To cut my tears and kill these fears  
And have I told you, Have I…

_"Because I love you," she muttered, "And not just some silly first love, but an intense, deep-in-love love." He took a step toward her, but she stepped back and gripped the picture tighter and he wished he could hold onto that memory as well. _

_"And yet I'm ruining your life, could you be anymore bipolar?" he absent mindedly flung at her, and he regretted it as her emotions were clear on her face. _

_"Get out!" she rebutted, pointing to her door. He reached up and put her arm down._

_"No Mitchie, we are talking about this, you're overreacting, like always." _

_"And you're under reacting." He ignored that comment. _

_"If we are in as much love as you say, we can fix this, we have before." He stepped closer again, and she took another step back. He wasn't going to let her give up. He didn't want her to. It was like he was suddenly possessed and unable to let it go. Something inside him told him to keep holding on; that it would be okay. And wanting that to be true, he held on tight. _

I'm not going  
Cause I've been waiting for a miracle  
And I'm not leaving  
I won't let you  
Let you give up on a miracle  
Cause it might save you

_"That's just the thing, we've gone through this too many times, and we can't change anything now." She huffed, and he made a sign of agreement, but that wasn't enough for him to let her go. _

_"Just believe in us, believe in the fact we can fix it." He pleaded, feeling even more helpless as a few tears found their way down his cheek. She needed to see the bigger picture; he had to get her to. But he learned later that that picture was probably just his silly daydreams. Everything felt like it was in fast-forward for him and his body felt jumpy with trying to keep up and trying his hardest to get Mitchie to understand. _

_"I can't keep believing when I know I'm gonna get hurt again. I've believed I'll make it somewhere." He gazed at her and she looked to the ground. He had to show her it would all be worth it in the end. He felt the urge to just make her believe, look past the past to their future._

It's not faith if, if you use your eyes  
Oh why  
Get it right this time (this time)  
Let's leave this all behind

_"And you have, and you still have so many places to go, you're so talented."He told her truthfully, like this fact reassured their relationship, like these two separate things were connected._

_"We can't be together anymore, sorry." She sobbed, and he blocked her attempt at escape. He wasn't going to let this happen. Her sobs made him cringe, but he held tight to the ending he wanted; the happy ending. _

_"Yes we can." He argued, "I love you more than you could know, don't give that up." He took her hand as he begged with all his might. She pulled it back._

_"I said get out; you're making this harder than it needs to be." She yelled, and he felt all hell breaking loose._

Oh why  
We'll get it right this time  
It's not faith if you're using your eyes  
Oh why

_"No, Mitchie, I'm not. We're making this work out." He practically yelled this at her, like it was an order and not the sad cry of desperation it really was. Like he knew it was. She shook her head as she wiped her tears. _

_"Leave," she said quietly, he shook his head so she got louder, "please leave, we're over." He continued to shake his head. "I'm not saying it again, leave." Her words elevated in volume and he continued to try to convince her to stay with him. He could see where she was coming from, but he didn't want to let that stop him. Sure, his heart was broken a lot, but he couldn't give up, not yet. _

I've gone for too long living like I'm not alive  
So I'm going to start over tonight  
Beginning with you and…

_"I'm not leaving you Mitch." He argued with all his heart as the tears continued to cascade down her cheeks._

_"I can't take you anymore, I can't take this rocky relationship, and I want you out of my life now!" He gave her a long look before turning and walking to her door. He looked back at her. The words hurt and he wiped his tears vainly. _

_"Are you sure about this?" He asked that three times, each time getting a nod of her trembling head, but he didn't want to take that no, like he usually did._

I don't want to run from anything uncomfortable  
I just want, no  
I just need this pain to end right here

_"Leave, now," she whispered, he asked once more if she thought she was doing what she thought was right. _

I'm not going  
Cause I've been waiting for a miracle  
And I'm not leaving  
I won't let you  
Let you give up on a miracle  
Cause it might save you

_"Leave!" she shouted. He didn't realize she had thrown the picture until her guitar thudded to the floor. There was a high squeal of a noise and a pop as one of the strings broke upon contact with the ground. He could've stopped all this, but he had given up. He could've saved them both. He told himself he could've, he convinced himself he could've and that is probably why he was so depressed over their lost love, because he made himself believe it was his entire fault._

Yeah, it might save you  
Oh, it might save you

_"Shit," she mumbled running to her guitar, she kneeled down, glass surrounding her. She glanced up at him through her tears. He was doing all he could to not cry anymore in front of her or beg her anymore to rethink her decision; he knew she wanted him gone, so he was going to leave, understanding what she said about getting hurt again, giving up the battle he had just put all his effort into. _

_"Goodbye Shane," she whispered, he nodded and gave her one last look over before turning, not really wanting to leave, but having no other choice because she had already made up her mind._

_"I love you." He whispered with a hoarse voice and walked away for the last time from the person he had loved so much to greet and make happy, and as he took one last look at what they had become he didn't want to see it, he didn't want to believe such a love could end, and he knew it couldn't. If he looked he saw the broken pieces of an ended broken relationship. That's not what they were supposed to be. If he looked he only saw that. _

It's not faith if, if you use your eyes  
If you use your eyes  
If you use your eyes

"Shane." Jason's voice had appeared through his haze and as the flashback ended he saw Nate and Jason in front of him. "Dude, are you okay?

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?" he defended. He looked away and shook his head, trying to shake the flashback. He glanced at his watch and realized he must have fallen asleep. It was all a dream. He felt hot and sweaty in his jacket and suddenly he had the feeling he showed signs of a nightmare.

"Bad dream?" Nate asked as he sat back into his seat.

"I guess you could say that." Shane replied listlessly and then stretched. He turned and saw the couple that had brought on his flashback nightmare. They were sitting in the waiting area, the man comforting the crying girl and she managed to give him smiles. They had worked it out. Shane wished he could've said the same thing. But, Mitchie had used her eyes and only saw the pain they had felt. And now as he used his tired eyes he saw her walking towards them, her smile big. He saw her hand looped in Sam's and wondering again why he had thought she could've been his again. He wondered why he let himself slip into the depression. He thought he had come back from that. He just kept scolding himself for not trying harder to make her stay. He knew she could've been his like he knew the world had intended. Looking at her then he told himself how dumb he was; she wasn't his. But he, as naïve and faithful to what they had as ever, convinced himself he that he was probably just using his eyes.

* * *

Ok, there ya'll go. I hope it wasn't too boring or anything. Keep up the reviews, I enjoy reading them. And sorry they are both so depressing haha. Hopefully the next chapter will be soon!


	15. Agains

"Hey," Mitchie smiled weakly to Shane as she approached him and the guys after her flight landed. He looked a little shaken up, but she figured it was nothing new.

"Hey," he responded, standing up. She quickly pulled her hand from Sam's and hugged Nate as he held out his arms. She then hugged Jason and before Shane could even put up his arms to signal an embrace she turned back to Sam. She took Cate from Sam and held her daughter close.

"Hey there," Shane smiled to Cate. She beamed back.

"Shane!" she motioned for him to take her and Mitchie allowed it. Mitchie couldn't help but want to smile at the way Shane handled Cate. It was cute and something inside was trying to tell her that he'd make a great father. But, before she let her thoughts get too far ahead of her, she shook her head at herself softly and glanced to Sam who was giving Nate and Jason his greetings.

"We were on the airplane!" Cate told Shane with a smile spread across her face as she pointed into the air. She than began to detail their whole trip for him.

"Really? How cool!" Shane smiled to her and kept her entertained as she told her story.

"You do realize," Sam began to whisper in Mitchie's ear, surprising her, "that it's taking a lot of will power not to punch him right now." She turned to face him.

"Please, don't do anything stupid." She told him harshly. She suddenly felt a wave of emotions. Everything that had happened the night before came rushing back; the way she blew up at Sam, the way she spoke to Shane on the phone and blew up at him. And then she remembered how happy she felt when she could imagine up what this new adventure could bring and she tried to let that feeling be the most prominent.

"It's not so easy Mitchie." She gave him a look that told him she understood but that he needed to cool it. Despite how much relief her openness that morning brought, a part of her was still freaking out inside and she didn't know why and she didn't know how to stop it. So she did what she had learned so well to do; ignore it.

XXX

Once the cars had stopped, Mitchie gazed out at Nate, Shane, and Jason's home.

"You guys will be in the guest house. Out back." Jason told them.

"This doesn't seem like the kinda place to have a guest house." Mitchie responded, stepping out of the car and into the warm LA sunlight.

"Well it's there." Jason replied with a laugh, taking Mitchie's suitcase. He seemed to be surprised by the weight and she laughed at him. He looked to her, "what is in here?"

"I'm a girl, I know how to pack. What, too heavy?" she teased him.

"No, just surprising," he told her, beginning to lead her, Sam, and Cate to their guest house.

"You know, I've missed you, Jason." She told him, not sure herself where it came from, but it was the purest truth she had told in quite some time. He turned and smiled to her, letting her know he felt the same way.

Soon Mitchie, Sam, and Cate were all set up in the guest house. Mitchie stepped outside the small building's front door and looked at the in-ground pool fifteen yards in front of her. She smiled at it and felt the heat of the Californian sun kissing her skin. She was brought back to the world of her teenage years. She missed this warming sun, of course Texas had plenty of sun, but they were always different. They held different meanings and separate worlds for her. The Texan sun meant home and her childhood. The Californian sun was the sun of adventure and a forward-moving life. But, the main thing the Golden State's sun reminded her of was Shane. And, in spite of her want to stand there and fight those feelings, she took refuge from them by running around Shane, Nate, and Jason's building and into the front door. Not paying attention to what she was doing, she discovered herself colliding butt-first onto the floor. She glanced up and found herself a stunned Shane with whatever had been in the cup he was holding now beginning to soak into his black cotton tee, which Mitchie had the urge to stare at longer because of how well it fit him, but she quickly looked away.

"Oh, my God, Shane, I'm so sorry," she began. She went to apologize more, but he stopped her.

"It's alright. What are you doing?" He asked, his face showing he was confused over her actions.

"I don't know. I just wanted to come check this place out and I wasn't paying any attention and I'm so sorry. I spilt your drink and I just –"

"Okay, calm down. Wait," he glanced down at his now soaked shirt. "I didn't even realize you spilt my drink." He chuckled at his oblivion. He then seemed to remember she was on the ground and stuck his hand down to help her up and she went to grab it, but instead she pulled herself up. Confused, he pulled his arm back to himself and looked at her, wondering what this suddenly uncomfortable situation was.

"Um, well it was just water anyway." He said hoping to avoid whatever awkward situation it was that just appeared. "I'll just go upstairs to take it off."

"Can I come? I mean, upstairs. I mean, I just want to see what it's like. Not to see you take off your…" she trailed off, just as confused at the awkwardness.

"Right," he breathed, beginning his ascend up the stairs. She followed behind him. After what Mitchie seemed to think the most awkward silence, they made it to the very top loft. Shane opened the door and she stepped inside and took in her surroundings. His home was clean, not neat, but clean, which was something she wasn't used to seeing from Shane. She couldn't help but like the homey feel of his humble little loft.

"This is cool," she stated vaguely.

"Thanks," he replied, his words just as meaningless as hers. They both knew they had not intended to speak so awkwardly, it sort of just happened. "Help yourself," he motioned toward the open kitchen and she nodded walking to it. He told her he'd be right back and she just simply nodded at that too. As she walked to the refrigerator she saw Shane entering what she assumed to be his room and right before his shirt was even over his stomach she looked away. The awkwardness was suffocating. She couldn't bear it. Was this what their friendship was going to be like? She hoped not; she didn't want anything to ruin this amazing opportunity. She wasn't about to let Shane make her run from this again. She wasn't about to let herself let that happen. _Again_, it's like everything was a circle for her, she was always going back, leaving, and coming right back to where it all started.

She didn't know what the awkwardness was but she couldn't take it anymore, so she walked to his door and opened it quickly, _again _not telling herself to have strength, or maybe it was strength; the strength to walk away.

"Mitch," she heard him call, but she was already out the door and darting down the stairs. She began to shake her head hoping that she could shake whatever just happened. It was so unlike them. It was like they were treating each other like strangers. She soon found Nate and engaged herself in his company, relaxing slowly as she began to have a normal conversation with him.

Once she left Nate's cozy little loft she was reunited with Sam and Cate in Jason's loft and then realizing it was past sunset by then they decided to go out back and call it a day.

"Where did you and Shane disappear to earlier?" Sam asked as they crawled into what would be their bed for the next couple of weeks after getting Cate asleep in the other bedroom. She heard what sounded like an angry suspicion bubbling under his tone.

"Just to see his loft and to take his shirt off," she said and then she saw a weird look pass over Sam's face. "What I mean is he had to change his shirt because he spilt his water on it."

"Oh, okay." Sam responded half-heartedly.

"You don't trust me around him anymore, do you?" She questioned, her eyebrows knitting together. Did he have a reason not to trust her? _No, not anymore_, she told herself, because Shane was not going to be another again she was going to face once more. Shane made up most of the 'agains' in her life and she was trying her hardest to stop the cycle.

"It's not that I don't, Mitchie, it's just tha –"

"Save it. You don't have to pretend to trust me. I get it." She turned away from him and slumped down in the bed.

"Mitchie, baby," she didn't roll over, but he continued anyway, "I'm sorry. Look, I'm really happy about what you did this morning, for opening up that way to me. It's a step closer back to trusting you, but it's so hard to give you all my trust right now." She didn't respond. She held back the tears that were forming at the edges of her eyes begging for their release.

"I understand." She choked out. She couldn't help but want to scold herself for ruining Sam's life and her life. She wanted so badly to just pretend all the pain away and go back to a normal life. It was hard to live with her mistakes and these moments were the ones that made her realize that. Reality was setting in, the fact that these things aren't simply forgiven was making itself clear. The consequences were making themselves known, letting her know how wrong her actions were.

"I love you." Sam stated, before placing his loving lips on her shoulder blade and then on her neck. He then wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close. "I'm gonna get us back to full trust, don't you worry."

"I'm so sorry." She had to say it; she had to tell him, _again_. Who was she telling? Sam? Shane? Herself? She let her tears fall; their fall was something she had become used to. They no longer stunned her and they fell as often as they pleased. Her guard was down and the tears took this advantage and it's who she became.

"Don't cry," he told her and the tears only fell harder. "Please stop, babe."

"I can't," she cried, clutching the arm he had draped around her. She was surprised she even had one tear left.

"What's wrong?" he asked her, his worry flooding his voice. She let the tears descend down her cheeks for a few breathless moments.

"It's sinking in." she whispered through the storm of her tears.

"What is, baby?" Sam rested his cheek against hers and his touch couldn't comfort her enough as he would have hoped.

"What I did." She answered swiftly and felt his head nod against hers.

"Where'd my strong Mitchie go?" he asked her.

"What?"

"You used to be so tough and now I've seen you break down so much. I shouldn't have told you to come here and do this." At this she flipped herself over and faced him, her tears decelerating.

"But this is my dream," was the only thing she could think of to say in a response to that.

"I know, and I know what it means to you, but Shane," the name sounded forced. Sam's voice made the name sound like a detrimental and demonic – a hated – object. "You break down with Shane. I don't know why I would ever agree to let you see him again. I don't know how I could be stupid enough to think everything would be okay."

"You're not stupid. I was the stupid one with what I did." And she curled into him and rested against his chest, oddly feeling at home with him, she couldn't remember feeling this comfortable in Sam's arms. "Let's just sleep for now."

"Alright," he agreed as he wrapped around her and pulled her close. His grip made it feel as though he was never letting go and like all she had ever known was his embrace. She could see the window from her position and she gazed out into the twilight scenery. She watched the airplanes make their slow travel across the wide and endless night sky. She watched as the wind rustled through the few trees. She watched until her thoughts finally slowed to a stop and she could fall asleep.

When Mitchie woke the next morning she had to remind herself where she was. She turned in the bed to see if Sam was up and she found herself an empty bed. She heard the faint sound of a TV and slowly she crawled out from the comfortable bed and traveled her way to the living room where she saw Cate sitting in front of the widescreen, High-Definition TV, her favorite morning program entertaining her. Mitchie looked to the cable box and saw it was 9:46. She padded a little further into the room, admiring its beauty. The hardwood floors had the most perfect mahogany glimmer. The cream colored walls with the maroon trim around the bottom were a blasé beauty. Something told her Shane helped design this room and that made her want to smile. It was almost the living room she used to talk about with Shane and it was completely fathomable that's why he constructed it so.

"Mommy!" Cate greeted. Mitchie smiled back to her and gave her a hug before setting her back down on the deep burgundy leather couch.

"Sweetie, where's daddy?" She asked when there was no sign of Sam.

"Outside," Cate replied quickly when she realized her show was back from its commercial break.

Mitchie walked across the cool feel of the hardwood to the front door. She caught sight of Shane walking toward the quest house. She pulled open the door and saw Sam sitting on a porch chair, his eyes closed as he rested back. His eyes shot open when the door thudded behind Mitchie. His first sight was Shane as he reached the house. Mitchie watched Sam roll his eyes.

"Good morning, how are you?" Shane asked, resting against the banister of the railing. These were the first words passes between the two men since they arrived in LA.

"Don't try to be all sweet with me." Sam shot back. Shane took a surprised step back and Mitchie pounded forward.

"Sam!" she burst. He turned to her, obviously surprised by her presence. "What the hell?"

"Mitchie, baby, sorry," he said as he stood from the chair, going to wrap and arm around her waist. She took her step back and shook her head. She watched Shane put up his hands in a surrendered defeat and swirl back.

"No, Shane, wait." He pivoted at her command.

"Look, I understand why he hates me, I get it. I'll just leave you alone." Shane responded and he took off before Mitchie could even think of stopping him. An unmistakable smile spread across Sam's face.

Mitchie scoffed and turned on her heels, yanked the door open, strutted inside and stormed to the bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Sam called after her and followed her angry path.

"Why did you do that?" she demanded.

"C'mon, Mitchie, like you wouldn't have acted like that." He had a point. He did have a right to hate Shane with every ounce of his being.

"Okay, I understand, but don't do it again." She scolded.

"I'll try not," he teased, a coy smile playing at the edges of his lips. Her legs wobbled a little and she felt the heat rush to her cheeks, the way she always reacted when he flashed that grin.

"I forgot you loved me that much." He responded to her reaction, he meant it as a joke, but it came out as a more serious thing, it's possible he really did forget after everything she did.

"I forgot, too." She mumbled under her breath and quickly regretted it.

"What?"

"Nothing, babe, nothing," she tried covering it up. A fire blazed in Sam's eyes and it was then she remembered she was only her negligee, and one of her sexier pieces. And, Shane saw her in it.

"So, Cate is asleep on the couch…" Sam began swaying towards her.

"She's asleep?"

"She's been up since four." He, while laughing, told her, "Of course she fell back asleep, even after you were yelling at me." He reached her body and his proximity made the hair rise on every inch of her. "God, I've missed this feeling." He whispered in her ear as he wrapped around her. She could feel what he meant and the heat rushed from her cheeks to her stomach and began to sink lower.

"Is this your way of apologizing? Because it won't work," her voice was strong and serious until his lips brushed her ear and it wavered. "The apology won't work, but, oh, well, keep going." He continued his lips down her jaw line.

"I've been wanting this since yesterday morning, but you were in such a hurry to get here." His voice was now the voice that made her want this too; it was smooth and husky at the same time. It was slow and deliberate. It was a fire that burned with purpose in a cold winter's night. Before she could respond, he pushed his lips to hers and pressed his body against her.

"Are you sure Cate's asleep?" she breathed when she could pull away. He gave her a simple nod and made sure their lips were together once more. When he knew she wasn't fighting it anymore, he guided them to the bed. She collapsed on it at contact and he fell above her. He broke from her lips.

"I love you," he told her. Her mind reminded her then that Shane was so close to them it hurt, but Sam had already had her entranced. He didn't wait for her to parrot him, he just began to move his lips against hers and his hands roamed her curved figure.

Shane – again. He took over her thoughts. _No, _she told herself, _no, no, no. _She brought herself back to Sam and his love and those damn good kisses, but Sam sensed that she had gone somewhere else.

"Tell me you love me." He pleaded, he knew, of course he knew.

She nodded her head, her brow knitting together, her arms wrapping around his perfect torso, and her heart pounding in love and in pain.

"No, tell me, baby." He pleaded with her once more.

"Sam, I" his blue orbs wandered her face and she had to bring herself to say it, but she wanted to say it, "I love you."

"But what about him?" he asked. His fingers were tracing the shape of her face and she was shaking under him.

"I can't love him, I have you."

"You _can't_ or you _don't_?" He asked. She just lifted her head to his, put her lips to his, and felt her body to his. She knew he meant this question, she knew it pained him and she knew it pained her, too. She could feel the way this made Sam try to give her all the passion he could and she wanted to give him the same fire. She couldn't break him again, it wouldn't be fair. So she let him give her those tender kisses, let him remove every strip of clothing covering her, let him do the same to his body, let him trace her every outline, and allowed him to take her to the places he knew as paradise.


End file.
